Sunday, April 6, 2014

My Apology To You

I know, I've been gone two weeks.  Not an eternity, of course, but long enough that I feel I should apologize, and to also let you know I intend to take some time off from blogging; possibly forever.

Last week, I could not get anyone to take my picture.  This week, my husband was home.  He injured his back pretty badly, and I have been here at home trying to take care of him, the house, and our kids, while working full time.   I woke up, got ready, and wore a new item I had purchased in my new size 14/16.  I was pretty jazzed about it.  When I asked him to please take my picture, he snorted and said, "Another photo for your vanity collection?"

I know lots of people take their own pictures.  I could probably do that, but the idea of buying a new camera and learning how to set it up...I'm just not interested.  One would think that, after cleaning, laundry, cooking, caring for pets that some people swore "Mooooom, I promise I'll feed/walk/scoop litter/give baths/play with XXXXX" that simply asking for someone to take less than five minutes of their day to take a stupid picture of me once a week would not be a stretch.  But apparently, I have crossed the line with my family.  I never thought I was being arrogant, or vain, but I guess that's what they think of me.  It floored me.  In church today, while the pastor preached a great sermon, all I could think was that I have embarrassed and shamed my family.  And that I was being horribly sinful by caring what I looked like.

When I got home from church, I put all the nail polish stuff in my daughter's room.  I kept out all the hair ties and barrettes because my own husband has longer hair than I do.  I put all the make up under the sink, so Missy can go through it when she comes home and see what she wants to keep.  I plan on throwing away the rest.  I hung up the beautiful dress which I loved and paid top dollar for.   I asked my best friend if she wanted my necklaces, and I'll probably donate the earrings since everyone I know is allergic to cheap earrings.  I had planned on coloring my hair tonight, but I put the hair dye boxes under the sink.  Why bother?  I'm going gray.  I guess I'll start going gray, gracefully.

I still intend to keep working out, and continue my weight loss journey.  But I won't be buying new dresses anymore when I hit a milestone.  Right now, the only things I intend to buy are new running shoes, a sports bra, and maybe a few more pairs of work out pants.

All these years, when I have dressed up, did my nails and make up, colored my hair, shaved my legs, waxed my eyebrows, and put an effort into my look, it was about me, but it was more about honoring my husband...or so I thought.  He teased me for years, and I truly always thought it was teasing.  I didn't know he meant it...that he thought I was stuck up and vain.  It's like an arrow through my heart.   And honestly, I don't know how I can bother working on my look anymore when  my husband was disgusted by it.  And I can't bear the thought of posting pics of myself wearing tee shirts and work out pants, so right now, I don't know the direction I can go with this blog.  Except to stop.

It was truly wonderful "meeting" all of you.  I think the internet is a great place to learn new things, meet new people, discover new ideas and customs, and I will always thank God above for letting me know about you, and for sharing my life with you.  But for now, that time is over.  I have nothing to share.    So I bid all of you this apology, and also my heartfelt thanks for letting me into your lives.  I wish all of you nothing but blessings, love, and peace.  Perhaps I will stop by every now and then to give an update on my weight loss and family milestones, but there won't be any more outfit postings.

My Bible verse this week comes from Ecclesiastes 1:15-18.

15 What is crooked cannot be straightened;
    what is lacking cannot be counted.
16 I said to myself, “Look, I have increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge.” 17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.
18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
    the more knowledge, the more grief.


mozgirl1 said...

Forgive me for being so forward. Dressing up for your husband and being proud of your appearance is not shaming your family. It is taking care of yourself and honoring your husband. What husband does not want his wife to be her best? I don't know you but it came across as if you are giving up feeling good about yourself. You are not vain - you work at home and take care of the house, home etc...? It sounds like your husband is insecure about you looking your best. If you are losing weight then it it does rear its ugly head moreso than other times. My prayer for you is that you find a happy medium. Peace be with you always.

Sarah R said...

You are correct, I am giving up on dressing up and being girly. I went to my dad's birthday party tonight wearing sweats and a tee shirt. My mom asked me if my washer was broken! Kind of funny. I only own tee shirts so this is going to be tough on me. I already bagged up my clothes and have them in the back of my car so I can donate them. Peace be with you too, Laura, thank you so much for the kind words.

Sarah R said...

I'm sorry, that should say TWO tee shirts. A plain black one and my VBS one.

Jill said...

Forgive me for being so forward, also. I agree with mozgrl1. She said everything I was thinking so elegantly, there's no point to reiterate it. It sounds like you are being very drastic, in an effort to prove your point!
Please don't stop!!! I always look forward to Sunday afternoons to read your newest post! Blessings your way.