Saturday, April 22, 2017

I'm a Bad, Bad Blogger!

Well hello you guys!  I know it's been two months since my last blog post, but life is keeping me busy and I don't think about my blog very often.  The merger at my job went smoothly, and my medical coding career has been very fast paced.  In fact, as I write this, I am proctoring an exam.  Unfortunately, my home life has SUCKED lately.  My older son Tiger lost his job, I found out Bucket is not graduating high school again, and my daughter had a drug relapse and is abusing IV drugs.  I'm so tired, peeps.  I never thought work would be my escape but I almost despise weekends because I'm in the house with four angry young adults (my son's girlfriend now lives with us.)

I'm doing my best.  I had a doctor appointment yesterday where I broke down and cried.  My health is not great.  My A1C (indicator of blood sugar) is the highest it's ever been.  I gained weight, injured my knee in a 5K last weekend, and my blood pressure is sky high even with three medications.  My PCP suggested I see a therapist.  At first I thought, Are you kidding me...but I found myself agreeing that I need help.  I'm a pretty laid back kind of girl but my anxiety is through the roof lately, to the point where I had my first panic attack about two months ago.

Possibly the worst picture I have ever posted on this blog.  I am so stressed out that my right jaw constantly breaks out into incredibly large, painful pimples that take weeks to heal, and are now leaving scars.  And I'd like to thank the person from my church who decided this photo was good enough to be published.  SMH.

I miss them being little.  I miss them trusting me.  I miss playing fun games, and bed time stories, and coloring, and making forts on Nana's porch.  Tiger is in stripes Bucket is in black.  I am thinking Tiger is about four here, Bucket would be three and that would make Missy six years old.

With this new merger, I have the opportunity to go back to school, and I've started the process.  Right now, the plan is to start in September and get my bachelor's degree in Health Information Management and then move into the Master's program too.  I will try to get some full length pictures going, but with all the anxiety and skin lesions, I haven't been taking pictures.  With the weight loss, my clothes don't really fit properly and I'm not looking as sharp as I'd like.  I may go shopping later today.  Pants in particular feel wonky on me right now.  I need to find some cute shift dresses that will hide the mid-section.  I'm totally willing to start over on my wardrobe, get four dresses (Monday through Thursday) and then my jeans with the company shirt on Fridays and simplify my life.  Would you be willing to throw all your clothes away for a fresh start?

Friday, February 24, 2017

Not Again!

Well, hi there.  Life is going along swimmingly.  The job is great.  My son and his fiancee set a January wedding date for 2018.  Bucket will not be graduating again, and he got turned down for social security disability, so we will be getting a lawyer.  But other than is pretty good.

However, for some reason, there seems to be a cycle in my life that keeps perpetuating.  And that is: 1) I got into another car accident.  2) The company I work for has merged into a larger company.
But good news is: 1) I was not injured this time (at least I feel fine right now, I have 14 days to decide to get medically treated) and 2) instead of losing my job for the merger, I was added to a huge company that has even better benefits and tuition reimbursement than what I have now, PLUS, I may have an option to work from home very soon!  YES!!!!

I ran a 5K with my sister.  Terrible time.  1 hour 3 minutes.  But really, it just leaves me room to improve.

Running at the park with my sister after work.

This picture amused me.  Like the cat gives a damn that it's banned.  It's a cat.  

I did something new!  I got my eyelashes tinted.  Not sure I will ever do it again.  The process took longer than I expected, and having to lay in a room while I couldn't see with this cardboard jammed by my eyelids really freaked me out.  There's a reason I don't wear contacts.  But I admit that my lashes do look great and I haven't had to wear mascara in two months.

This is my new puppy, Bella.  She is Tequila's daughter and the last puppy who was not adopted.  I adore her.  The kids named her.  She is very resistant to house training and while I love her, I do not love the tiny puddles and tiny turds that are sprinkled all over my house.

The director of my company walked around on Valentine's Day to deliver cups of candy with warm smiles and hugs.  Seriously, could this place get any better?!

Finally, a full length picture of me, but my son is really just a terrible photographer who doesn't care.  The tree is casting shadows and I look diseased.  But oh well...there you go.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

She Designed a Life She Loved

Oh peeps!  I feel pretty bad that I haven't posted in a while, but I've been living my life and enjoying the heck out of myself!

I got past the 90 days at my new job without a hitch.  I love it there.  In fact, I was picked to do a special auditing project which has had me using my certification in a new way, and I love learning new things so I have really enjoyed it.  I work with a lovely group of women who are all very encouraging and so kind.  I have a flexible schedule and half days on Fridays.  As far as work/career, I am very, very happy.

When I'm happy (or sad, or depressed, or just breathing) I tend to eat.  And I sure did.  I didn't realize how much weight I'd gained until I saw pictures at Christmas.

I'm even sucking it in here, too.  

All fat girls have learned the art of the head tilt to avoid that delightful double or triple chin.  I'm no exception.

And of course my father in law posted all of these on Facebook.  So, with that, I decided along with millions of other people in January to change my eating habits, get active, and lose some weight.  My starting weight on January 1 was 259.4.  Not the heaviest I've ever been (I've definitely been over 300 at one point but it was probably ten or more years ago when the kids were much younger.)  I don't know why, but this time feels different.  In the 28 days since the New Year, I've lost ten pounds.  I started running using the C25K program.  I got professionally fitted for real running shoes.  I've signed up for a 5K.  And I joined a gym, where I was professionally measured and given a 4 time a week workout program.  And I actually go.

I absolutely adore being a wife and mother, but now that everyone has grown up and my husband still travels, I'm finally investing time in myself.  I do not feel guilty at all about not coming home right after work.  I go running with my sister twice a week at the park, I go to the gym three to four other days a week by myself.  My goal (I can't believe I'm even saying this because it still feels really far away) is to run a half marathon in 2018.  I've gotten to the point where if I miss a workout, my body really misses it and I feel more tired.  I catch myself stretching and noticing muscle formation in my thighs, and my waist getting smaller.  I don't know if it's the extra blood flow or just feeling pumped, but my sex drive is through the roof.  That's actually quite unfortunate because my poor husband has injured his back again and he's been miserable with pain.  That's marriage, isn't it?  Oh well.

This is the beginning of December when my sister completed her first half marathon.  She's still smiling!

I was not happy about this picture.  No ma'am.  But someday, I'm sure I'll appreciate how fat and sweaty I am here.  This is us after a run at the park.  Of course she's still smiling, Miss Perky Pants. 

One other thing I notice is how fast my hair grows.  From the half marathon picture in early December to Christmas, and now end of January...that's two months and look at how long it grew!  Why do I bother with these pixie cuts?  I can't keep up! I can actually pull my hair back in a ponytail again, although it's tiny and ridiculous.

I hope everyone here is doing well.  I'm not taking clothing pics because clothing doesn't fit well right now.  It's probably the part of my life that has me bummed lately, as I don't feel I look my best right now.  I've never shied away from dressing nicely even as a fat person.  I'm being cheap and not buying new things.  I probably need to get myself back to Goodwill and find pants.  My 18/20s are ridiculously huge, I can pull them completely down when they're zipped and buttoned.  But that fear of giving up clothes is weird.  I probably need therapy or something!