Tuesday, December 8, 2009

In Which I Sound Like a Spoiled Brat

Guys, can I vent here? Please? Pretty please?

If you are not into whiny adults who kvetch about every day life, it's ok to switch to another page now. Really. It won't hurt my feelings. I think.

I am just so bummed over Mr. R's local job falling through so quickly. Although in the back of my mind, I figured it would. The boss was not a nice person, the hours were awful and we still didn't see each other. Mr. R is already back in his old truck, on his way to Alabama actually. Not great miles, but a start nonetheless. I'm already trying to get the kids back on a regular schedule. When Daddy is home, rules and chores seem to fly out the window. I'm slowly but surely getting them back where they need to be.

I am more concerned about how Mr. R and I interacted while he was home. We fought...nonstop. Over stupid stuff. Like housework, and Christmas trees, and garbage cans. I know when he's not working, he gets bored and likes to nitpick. However, I'm still working and don't have time to really worry about why our garbage cans needs to be rinsed. If they bother you that much, doll, there is the hose. Go for it. I'm on the phone with Blue Cross, mmmkay?

Then there is the matter of college. I am doing GREAT. I love my class, I have an A, and I really feel like I've hit my niche. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. But Mr. R is doing a total 180 and saying that as soon as I graduate from college (in spring 2011 is what I'm hoping for right now) that he intends to quit trucking for good, find a nice part time job, and send me to a normal full time job in Orlando. I am TERRIFIED of thinking that I could be the main breadwinner. It is scary to me! So I guess what I am really scared of, is the future. Aren't most people? I think that's why fortunetellers are so popular.

Anyway, I've been thinking about that common phrase, the "Bride of Christ." Has anyone else ever heard of this? It has always confused me. I was married when I was 19. When I think of my day as a bride, I was dressed up very pretty, had on make up, ate way too many chicken wings, and then "consumated" our special day. (Kind of silly, we were already living together, but yeah.) So maybe I have a warped idea of what a bride is. Every now and then, Mr. R will call me his bride, and I will smirk. It's usually when I'm scooping the cat box or folding laundry; a less than sexy time. But back in the day, a bride didn't already "know" her husband. This was a huge day of transferring responsibility from her father to her husband. She had to have an inordinate amount of trust. One she had to trust her father, and two, she had to trust her new husband. How scary! I've been married to Mr. R for fifteen years, and sometimes I still think he has a screw loose sometimes. Am I trusting him as well as I should?

Then I thought, well, I understand the "bride" part. But what about the Christ part? Ah, let's look at this. A bride would have to trust Christ. This isn't about sex, or pretty dresses, or chicken wings. This is about trusting for everything. For the good, for the bad, for the ugly. Knowing that He will always be there to pick me up, even when I fall. And I fall, more often than I should. I fall, I stand up, I dust off my knees. Then I keep going. I want to be a bride again. Full of trust, anticipation, and ready for the future.


Terry @ Breathing Grace said...

You don't sound like a spoiled brat. You sound like a possibly overwhelmed wife contemplating her life and how she can be the bride that God approves of.

Sarah R said...

Quit making me cry, Terry. I'm on hold with Blue Cross again and my bawling is messing with the automated system! xoxox Miss you girl

Kara said...

i've been reading your blog for a while, and all i can say is, i get it! i totally know what you mean...

Sarah R said...

Welcome, Kara. It's nice to meet you. :D