Finally talked to Mr. R. My goodness, did we talk. I mean, I was working on my aetnas the entire time, but yes, we finally had it out and I really let it go. By the time I was done, I was crying, I fogged up my glasses, and I had major snot trails. And when I was done, I was trying to figure out why I was so worked up over this. I mean, it's a PHONE. A stupid phone. Not a major reason to be upset! Even Mr. R was confused about my passion over this. Which had me thinking...it's clearly not the phone that had me so upset.
I am pretty sure I posted in the past about how my biological father left me at quite the young age. (Yes, I'm going there.) Well, what I may not have also mentioned is that when I was 12, we moved from NY to Florida. My sister Kelly and I do not have the same father. Her father is the man who raised me from infancy to elementary, and then skipped in and out of our lives on a regular basis. When we moved to Florida, he suddenly disappeared for about four years. Kelly and I were devastated. During that time, he had another child with our stepmom Pam (who we actually adore.) Now, my mom never talked down, never said a bad word about him, but I pretty much made up my own conclusions about men from those two major events of my childhood:
1) Men really like sex.
2) Men leave once they're done with you.
What a horrifying conclusion a 13 year old girl can make. And when Mr. R and I were arguing on the phone about the cell plan, I blurted out "Just get it over with and leave already!" and he was stunned. He said "Are you thinking about divorce over a cell phone plan?" Which made me wonder...am I arguing with him, or just reacting to what has happened to me in the past? Argue with a man, a man leaves. That's what I saw my mom go through with her two first husbands. (Coincidentally, my mom is now happily married to my stepdad George, and has been since 1986. She didn't give up.)
My cousin Dee insisted that after being abandoned my both my father and my stepfather as a kid meant that I was desperately going to need therapy, and I laughed it off. Now I'm not so sure. Why am I so certain that every argument is going to lead to divorce? This is something interesting to explore.
4 comments:
(((Sarah)))
When we were first married, for years really, I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed. I think subconsciously I was trying to see how far I had to push before he left like my dad did! Crazy, isn't it?
I went to counseling a few years ago, for a year. It was the best thing I ever did.
For years I prided myself that I was doing great even after being abandoned twice. As I'm getting older, I'm not so sure.
girl, you need a hug. Chris and I are sending mental ones from West Virginia. It's ok to go crazy once and a while, especially when you feel you're not being heard. I think that's party of living in a family. Just remember that everyone else knows how important you are to them, it's just you that sometimes forgets. Women are silly like that sometimes, I think it's just part of our charm. I'm thinking about you!!
I love you, Mir. mwah and I miss you tons, too.
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