Thank you for the prayers, it meant a lot to me.
My digestive system finally cleared up and out, thankyouverymuch. I had a follow up doctor appointment last Friday and believe me when I tell you that I was shocked by what they found.
I actually did lose my left fallopian tube, but it wasn't from an ectopic pregnancy. I had a cyst burst. I didn't even know I had any cysts on my tubes. Go figure. But during the ultrasound I had at the hospital, they couldn't find a baby in my uterus, yet both my blood and urine tests clearly stated I was pregnant. They had to go in anyway to take out my tube before it burst, possibly killing me. And when they went in, they never found a baby, yet my blood tests continue to state that I am pregnant. I feel like I should be on an episode of Diagnosis X.
I have to go in again sometime this week for them to test my blood again for hcg, which is a hormone in the blood that only shows up when you're pregnant. If it goes down, then I am miscarrying. If it goes up, then I am still pregnant. However, I have been spotting since my surgery so I can't imagine Baby is alive anymore. It breaks my heart.
Mr. R doesn't want to go on trying to have children. Watching me suffer in the hospital? He held it together while I was hurting but he was pretty broken up about it once we got home. I remember feeling like that when I was still in high school and his appendix burst and I had to watch him suffer in pain. It's horrible. So we have been discussing what kind of birth control to use, and I feel ridiculous. We haven't used birth control in 15 years. I can't take the pill since I have had blood clots in my legs in the past, and I won't use an IUD. It's been so long since I've even had to think about birth control that I don't even know what's out there anymore. It's a very weird feeling.
So far we are thinking about having my other tube tied and possibly having my bladder situation fixed at the same time. My heart is not really into it. I wanted another child so much, and I just see it slipping away. I am trying to keep my mind busy by working overtime and doing house chores, but I am still pretty sad.
Although, I have to admit, it would be nice to sneeze and not wet my pants. Or my dress, since this is me. See, I'm trying to make jokes again!