Thursday, June 25, 2009

What is a Friend?

I've made no bones about the fact that I lead a fairly solitary, yet still busy life.
When my Bucket was diagnosed with autism, I retreated. I lost lots of friends, either through my own grief, or people not understanding what I was going through.
I was always the girl surrounded by parties, laughter, games, drinks, fun.
Lately, I feel utterly alone.
Alone is not always bad. It can be reflective, quiet, and soothing. Most of the time, that is what it is for me. If I'm out for too long with other people, I will start to get anxious and need some time to myself.
So I guess in that way, I'm not a great friend. I used to think I was, but maybe I wasn't.

The person who "defriended" me last week on FB, is back. With one of the worst apologies ever. I forgive her (not lying, I really have) but I'm not sure I want to be friends with her anymore. One thing I don't like, is tippy-toeing around people hoping not to offend them. And considering her friend request has made me think: "What is a Friend?"

I think it's been so long since I've had a true friend, that I'm not sure.
I consider my readers friends. But I never see any of you.
I consider my husband a friend, but I'm not talking about him.
My mom is my friend, but there is always that element of judgment from her.
My sister is my friend, but she lives over an hour away, and we don't really have much in common.
I have some work friends, but we never get together outside of work functions.
I have some church friends, but we are only on a "Hello, how are you, how are the kids" type of relationship. Acquaintances, I guess. Did I spell that right?

What do I want from a friend?
  • Honesty without ripping me apart
  • Acceptance of my limits
  • Someone who can go out without getting drunk all the time. I don't mind a few drinks, but I'm tired of holding people's hair back while they puke. It's not cute.
  • Someone who thinks a trip to the bookstore and getting a cup of coffee is the BEST DAY EVER.
  • Someone who can talk for hours about nothing at all.
  • Someone who wears a size 9W shoe so I can share her shoes. (ok, that's not required.)
  • Someone who will walk in my door, see that I've had a crappy day, and start the dishwasher for me.
  • Someone I can go out and exercise with, and then go get an ice cream cone!
  • A person who will accept that I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior, and not try to change my mind about it. It will not happen.
  • A person who will not rag on me because of my husband. You'd be surprised how many people are not friendly toward Mr. R because they consider him an absent husband.
  • I'll babysit your kids for you, but don't take advantage of me because I work from home. I'm not a daycare.
I can't think of anything else right now. Do I sound selfish here? I am truly trying to define friendship to myself right now, because I'm tired of being used by people. What do you guys think? Tell me about your friends and what makes them so special to you!


Kelly said...

Sarah, I wish we lived close to each other. I am all of that, and want all of that in a friend, except the shoe size which isn't required anyway LOL.

Oh yeah, I'm not a daycare because I am at home because I home school. I HOME SCHOOL people LOL.

You've pretty much described my life, except I am the one that got sick and not my child.

Maybe we'll meet someday. I have met a lot of my emaginary computer friends this past year.

Sarah R said...

Maybe someday, Kelly. I do like the northeast. ;)