Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Decision Time

This was a hard choice to make, but I set the ball rolling.

Ever since Mr. R decided he didn't want to have the reversal surgery, I've been sad, but not surprised. I'm already so grateful that the Lord has blessed with me three awesome children. It has been a hoot watching them grow up. They've made me cry, made me laugh, made me proud, made me want to kill them. Gosh, I love em so. I've done tons of stupid crap in my life, but one day when I meet my Lord, I'll be able to point to them and say, "Look, I did something right!" That's my plan, anyway.

Anyway, a bit of medical history for those who love a bit of TMI. In 2002, I had a surgery called endometrial ablation. This is when the uterus is basically burned with scalding hot water in order to stop a heavy menstrual flow. (see, told you it was TMI!) I've suffered for years with horrific cramps, heavy bleeding, anemia, and a general feeling of wishing I was dead for two weeks every month. Yes, I said two weeks. Half of every month was dedicated to me wearing a diaper and crying in pain. The surgery is considered fertility ending. However, there is a 15% chance of failure, especially in women my age back then. (I was 27 when I had the procedure.) I went six glorious months without a period, and then it came back. Slowly at first, and within two years of the procedure, I was back to 10 day periods again. So, I am considered to be in that 15% failure rate. My body basically healed itself from the ablation, which by the way, was so painful that I couldn't stand up straight for three days.

At the age of 32, my new ob/gyn told me that the ablation is only considered fertility ending for the first five years. I was shocked. No one ever told me that before. And of course, I was five years out from the surgery. So now it occurred to me...maybe I can have another baby? Too bad Mr. R already had his vasectomy back in 1998.

So I got baby fever. Bad, as anyone who reads my blog could tell. And we were supposed to have the surgery to reverse Mr. R's vasectomy this summer, but he decided he didn't want to do it. Which leaves me suffering from women problems, for absolutely no reason at all. Why go through all this pain every month for the next 15 years if there is no chance we're going to have another child?

So I called my ob/gyn. Left her a message telling her that not only was I interested in having another ablation to end my periods, but that I want to have bladder reconstruction surgery. After 3 8-lb children, my bladder is gone. I'm sick of wetting my pants every time I sneeze, cough or laugh. Calling for this actually made me cry a bit. It was me admitting that there will be no more babies in our home, unless we adopt or see grandchildren some day. But I guess there is a time to move on, a time to watch your children to grow into adults, and a time to give your body relief.

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