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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Lost.

No, not the TV show.
I'm just at a loss, peeps. I am being pulled in those usual directions....you know...BE A GREAT MOM! NO...WAIT HAVE A CAREER! NO WAIT YOU'RE IN YOUR 30S, HAVE ANOTHER BABY...HOLD ON, GET A DEGREE!... LOSE SOME WEIGHT!... BE A SEXY WIFE!... HAVE A SPOTLESS MAGAZINE READY HOME!.... and ya'll...I'm tired.
The baby discussion happened again. Mr. R...wow I love him but he's driving me nuts. One day he is telling me how much he desires to have another baby with him, the next he is freaking out over the economy and wanting me to cash in my retirement so we can buy ammo. His confusion is confusing ME.
I see my children growing older, and needing me less. It scares me, peeps. I've been a mom since I was 20 years old, barely an adult myself. My entire adult life revolves around motherhood. I gave up an essentially high powered career to be home with my babies. Best thing I ever did...not a regret in the world. My life revolves around home, children, church, playdates, pets, cleaning, laundry...I've never done anything else, essentially. I know how that goes, once a mom, always a mom...I know. But yet...they're eventually going to leave, probably even Bucket. And I have no other identity. Simply put, my 40s are running at me full tilt, and I'm not ready. Because I don't know who I am.


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2 comments:

Terry @ Breathing Grace said...

Sarah, you are a daughter of THE KING! That's your most important identity. Everything else flows from that. And He will show you what your next move is as a wife, a mom, a whatever. Stay encouraged.

Sarah R said...

Sniff...encouragement. Thank you.