Thursday, February 11, 2016

I Just Don't Know What To Do

Hey peeps.  I wish I had cool pictures or a great story to share, but I don't.
I go to work every day.
I come home.
I eat dinner and play with the puppy.
I go to bed.
I think about this blog, and wonder how I got from sharing at least two or three times to a week, to almost nothing, and it makes me feel bad.

I have lost the spark, that chutzpah, as my grandmother would have called it, that shine and sparkled that makes Sarah, Sarah. I accepted this job thinking it was going to be great, and I have been so sorely disappointed.

Funny thing is, I LOVE the actual job.  I'm good at it.  As my supervisor said, I caught on quickly, and I already trained two of the new coders.  I loved it!  I loved training when I worked at the hospital, too.  It turns out, that I kind of like teaching and showing people how to do things.  Maybe it's because I spent so many years telecommuting, but when I came into an office, I was very outgoing and gregarious and open.  And it was not received well.

My supervisor has received numerous complaints about me.  About me using my cell phone (almost never...only when the school calls me, or on my lunch break.), about me being pushy and butting into conversations (I can't even remember doing this, except for maybe saying, "how awesome!" or "good for you!"), and the worse yet...complaints about my children showing up at my job.  They had doctor appointments.  They were patients.  I just don't even know what to say.  There have been complaints about my hair, about my shoes, and even that I say "bless you" when someone sneezes.

I now keep a log of all staff interactions to prove that I am not being rude or pushy.  I stopped eating in the break room.  I warm up my food and sit in my car.  I keep a log of all text messages and phone calls received, how long I took to respond (or ignore) and then subtract that time from my lunch so I can't be accused of stealing from the company.  And I think, how did this happen?  I'm hiding in my car so I don't offend people.  I cry in the car before I walk into work, and I'm scared to talk to anyone because they might report me to my supervisor.  My stomach hurts all the time, and I even have nightmares about my job now.  Which is awful...because the job itself is fantastic and I love doing it!

I just don't know what to do.  Will you pray for me to make a good decision (stay, don't stay) and that I have peace about it?


Lisa in Texas = ) said...

Just now seeing this. My sister is in a bad work environment and she has decided to put in her resignation. I will be praying about your situation that God will lead you in the best direction. In the meantime - will be praying that the people around you can be kind and considerate instead of complaining and grumpy.
Lisa :O)

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh - please do not feel you are alone. I work at a very large red bank and I hear this all the time w/ the new hires. I have friends that would cry on the way to and from work b/c it was so bad. I told them to try to stick w/ it b/c the turn over is so high & it they could just hang on - there would be a good chance of moving to another position. It worked out well in the end but boy were they miserable the first year. Praying for you! -Natalie