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Monday, December 31, 2012

My Little One Has Gone To Heaven

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

When things don't make sense in an sad world, I lean on His Word (actually I lean on His Word all the time, but these sad times probably even more).  I don't know why my baby died.  I may never know.  I don't know His plans for me.  But I do know that "life ain't fair" which I tell my kids all the time.  Today, life was not only unfair, but incredibly cruel to me.  Our little Fergus is with Our Lord in Heaven.  I will never get to hold, rock, cradle, or nurse my little one.  I don't understand it.  But I do have the Lord to lean on.  I have said many times on here how much I despise Father's Day, yet today I wanted to run on my Daddy's lap and have him wrap my arms around me and hold me.   Today I think I understood fully why he is called Father God.  I wanted my Daddy today.  My Father God.   And as busy as the universe is, He had time to listen to my cries. 

I found this sweet picture on Pinterest, and I thought, when I heal, I will be getting a tattoo of this.  Goodbye, Fergus.  I loved you with my whole heart, and the hardest thing for a Mama to do is to let her little ones go.  I am sad; so beyond sad.  My heart is broken into a million, trillion pieces.  But I will see you again someday in Paradise.  Be a good Fergus, and don't get into as much trouble as your siblings here on earth, ok?  I love you....Always, Mama.

12 comments:

Rachel said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Even though we live in the hope of "see you later" it is tremendously hard to say goodbye to our children much too soon.

The Working Home Keeper said...

Prayers for you during this difficult time, Sarah ((hugs))

Mary Ellen

Lisa in Texas = ) said...

I am SO very sorry to hear this. This post encouraged me in my walk with the Father - thank you for that. <> to you, Lisa :O)

Kelly said...

Sarah, I am so so so sorry ((((hug))))

D'Rae N said...

I am so so sorry. Sending love, prayers & hugs your way!

mozgirl1 said...

Oh Sara - I am so sorry -

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your much loved baby. Be extra kind to yourself as you recover.

Bobbie

Sarah R said...

Thank you all. These past few days have been incredibly difficult. I have mourned my baby, cried, endured countless phone calls and texts from well meaning friends, slept, cried, slept, cried...you get the idea. I felt guilty drinking a cup of real coffee, and I was mad that I was having a great hair day yesterday. I know I will bounce back, but I'm just so incredibly sad. I decided to work today, to keep my mind off my troubles. Thank you so much for your prayers and love. Believe me when I tell you I can feel it.

Elspeth @ Breathing Grace said...

Deepest condolences, Sarah.

With all my heart.

Mrs. Sarah Coller said...

I am so very sorry, Sarah. Losing our baby is the hardest thing I've ever gone through! If you'd like to read it, I've got a short story on my blog which is a picture God gave me of our little baby's new life in Heaven. It's called "Hope" and was posted Nov. 29th. Let me know if you need anything,
Sarah

Amy said...

I saw your comment on my blog, and wanted to stop by. Oh Sarah, I am so sorry for your loss! I know how agonizing that must have been for you. Blessings to you.

Sarah R said...

Blessings to you as well, Amy. It's a sad sisterhood we are members of, but I am so glad my sad experience brought me closer to the Lord.