Confession, Plus A Horrifying Picture.

My sister took this pic of me and the Tiger at the TSO concert.

 

 

I ordered information from my insurance company regarding lap band.  Look at my double chin.  It's bigger than my actual chin!  I weigh, at present, 261.  I actually haven't gained too much weight back since I went off my diabetes diet.  I won't do anything until after April 2011 because I have way too much school to handle.  But once I graduate; yeah; I think I may do it this summer.  I'm going to attempt to hit 230 by my birthday in May.  If I'm unable to hit that mark (only 30 pounds in 5 months) then I am going to do it.  The copay went down to $1500.  I qualify in three different ways:
1) I'm more than 100 lbs overweight.
2) I have hypertension.
3) I have type 2 diabetes.
To get the procedure approved, I need to have two qualifications.  So I shouldn't have a problem having the procedure authorized.

I don't look into this lightly.  Honestly, if I didn't have kids, I don't think I'd do it.  But I think about dying a lot.  I think about dying when I go check the mail and I'm out of breath.  When I sit at my desk and I can feel my heart racing.  And when I think of my husband having to bury me; I get choked up.  Please believe me when I say that I have nothing against being plus sized.  But I don't feel good.  I'm tired.  I have nosebleeds from my blood pressure being so high.  I have sores where my extra skin on my stomach rubs.  I'm so heavy that I can't have bladder correction surgery, and when I attempt to exercise, I have to wear bladder pads so I don't completely soak myself.  I'm angry at myself and want to fix it.   This really is not about my looks, but about my health.  I want to live for a long time and enjoy my later years.  I can't even imagine dying and my kids not having me here.  About my husband having to give up his driving job because he couldn't do his job if I died.  How he'd probably have to sell the house or maybe lose it to foreclosure because he couldn't afford the payments without my pay.  The kids would lose their medical insurance.  I have a small life insurance policy, but I can't raise the premium because my health is so poor.  I assure you, I'm not scared to die.  I am just not ready now, in this phase of my life, to die.