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Thursday, October 7, 2010

My Perspective is Slowly Changing

I'm writing this post expecting some backlash.  After all, for the past three-four years of this blog (I think I started in 2007?) I've consistently praised women at home with their children.  And I still do.  Believe me; I truly am of the concept that when a woman marries and has children, it is her duty to be at home with them as much as possible.  I do not like daycares, I do not like nannies, and I fully enjoyed my time being home with my kiddos.  I've fulfilled that concept, even when it seemed foolish by society's standards and it hurt us financially.  My children needed me...notice that I said NEEDED.

Do they still need me?  Of course they do!  But as they've grown older, those needs have changed.  I'm seeing the twilight of their childhood years.  They are discussing college, and "when I have my own house" and cars and jobs.  It makes me smile.  But I also see the door closing, the door of constantly needing me.  I have called Mr. R several times while he's on the road, telling him I feel like nothing but a wallet and a fridge.  And a ride somewhere.  I've done most of the dirty work of parenting.  It's been a joy, an exhausting joy.  I love my kids SO MUCH IT HURTS.

So where am I going with this?  Mr. R was home for an entire week, unplanned.  It was so lovely it almost wasn't right.  We had real dinners, and took walks after dinner, and my house is clean because he always helped.  We also repainted our living room, redid portions of the floor, and ordered a new sofa which is going to be here on Friday! (yes, that's tomorrow.  Woot!)  We snuggled in bed together at night after the kids went to bed, watched movies together, and tried to catch up on sex but that's difficult to do once you hit your mid 30s (hahahahaha!) and we talked and did dishes together and cooked together and he even helped me with my speech.  But I realized during this week; my kids still need me, and they need their dad here even more.  This trucking thing just blows like a candle in a hurricane.  Mr. R is leaving tonight for Michigan, and you'd think I'd be ok with this after having him home for a week; in reality, I am ticked off beyond belief.  I want my husband HOME.  I'm sick of sharing him with that truck.  I'm a jealous wife.  I want my husband home with me, in my bed, in our home, with our children, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. 

That's why I'm telling you guys here, right now, that when I graduate from Herzing University in April, I do plan to revamp my resume and look for another job inside the hospital.  I want to make more money so Mr. R can afford to come off the road permanently.  And if that means leaving my cozy home during the day, then so be it.  We deserve to be a family together; I realize we don't even have many more years left to do this, which gives me even more of an impetus to get my act together.  We're also working on Mr. R's resume so he might be able to find something local.

Next year, in 2011, Missy will be 16.  Tiger will be 14, and Bucket will be 13.  I don't want Mr. R to miss any more.  God willing, Mr. R. will be coming home for good, hopefully by next summer.  Go ahead and let me have it; I am backtracking on my be-at-home stand.  But you know what, I walked the walk and talked the talk for many years.  I still believe it's the right thing to do, especially when your children are small.  But I also believe that circumstances are different for every family, and that my family needs both parents at home, and not just me. 

10 comments:

Terry @ Breathing Grace said...

sarah,

this post really wasn't all that controversial, hon.

doing what you need to do to be the best possible helper to your man is far more important than rigid ideologies and whatnot. sometimes that lesson gets lost in the Christian mommy blogosphere, I know.

Sarah R said...

I love you to bit, Terry. I know that this is right for us, and it's not a salvation issue. But I still feel like I'm going back on my principles. It's probably more of an issue for me than for anyone else.

Erin said...

Sarah, I completely agree with Terry! You are doing what you need to do to best serve your Hubby & your kids! We know you love them like CRAZY & that's exactly why you are doing this! There are times & seasons in life for everything. You've invested your life & heart into your kids from home all these years & just because you will be working outside the home doesn't mean you still won't be doing that! You will! It just might look a little different! Love you!

Erin said...

Sarah, I completely agree with Terry! You are doing what you need to do to best serve your Hubby & your kids! We know you love them like CRAZY & that's exactly why you are doing this! There are times & seasons in life for everything. You've invested your life & heart into your kids from home all these years & just because you will be working outside the home doesn't mean you still won't be doing that! You will! It just might look a little different! Love you!

Sarah R said...

Oh, thank you Erin. It just really came to a head for both of us this week because we realized that the school only called us once in the entire week Daddy was home. I normally get two to three calls per DAY. And that one call was tell me that he received a reward for good behavior. Daddy has a major influence on Bucket's behavior for the better. Even Mr. R said, "It's clear that he needs me home the most, and we need to fix this." So please be praying for us that things fall into place, and that what we do glorifies God.

D'Rae said...

No backlash from me.

Your children are at an age where it is ok for both parents to be working.

I think it is more important for Mr. R to come home and if that means you need to work outside the house, than that is what is important.

Only you and your hubby can decide what is right and what will work for your family.

So I say go for it and congrats when everything falls into place!

♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥ said...

You know, you made the most important point at the end of your post. Circumstances change..and they're different for everyone.

I'm 30, and I don't have a husband or kids so I can't say I understand every detail, but I do think it's important to look at your situation for what it is. If it changes, that's okay. Do what you believe is best for your family...for sure..

No backlash here..just saying.

Kelly said...

Sarah, I oh so know what you are talking about. I think having both parents home is so important. Doug has missed so much the past 5 years (he was local before that). Two of our kids have moved out. It just goes too fast.

We've talked about me getting a job. But I have health issues that would make having a job very difficult. And I'm still home schooling. But man am I ready for that man to be home!

I'm praying that both of our guys find something local and can support their families at the same time.

Sarah R said...

Well, I have the health issues now too. I'm blessed that I already work at the hospital, so they can't fire me for being a hypertensive diabetic.
I am so ready for my guy to be home. I got pouty when he left; mature of me, no?

Jennifer M. said...

This definitely feels like the right thing for you do be doing right now, Sarah! I agree w/ you that moms of small kids should stay at home to raise their kids if at all possible, but now that your kids are nearly grown, it's not a bad thing to want to get back out there and attend to your career. You're approaching a new stage in your life, which can be exciting, scary, and exhilarating!