I'm writing this post expecting some backlash. After all, for the past three-four years of this blog (I think I started in 2007?) I've consistently praised women at home with their children. And I still do. Believe me; I truly am of the concept that when a woman marries and has children, it is her duty to be at home with them as much as possible. I do not like daycares, I do not like nannies, and I fully enjoyed my time being home with my kiddos. I've fulfilled that concept, even when it seemed foolish by society's standards and it hurt us financially. My children needed me...notice that I said NEEDED.
Do they still need me? Of course they do! But as they've grown older, those needs have changed. I'm seeing the twilight of their childhood years. They are discussing college, and "when I have my own house" and cars and jobs. It makes me smile. But I also see the door closing, the door of constantly needing me. I have called Mr. R several times while he's on the road, telling him I feel like nothing but a wallet and a fridge. And a ride somewhere. I've done most of the dirty work of parenting. It's been a joy, an exhausting joy. I love my kids SO MUCH IT HURTS.
So where am I going with this? Mr. R was home for an entire week, unplanned. It was so lovely it almost wasn't right. We had real dinners, and took walks after dinner, and my house is clean because he always helped. We also repainted our living room, redid portions of the floor, and ordered a new sofa which is going to be here on Friday! (yes, that's tomorrow. Woot!) We snuggled in bed together at night after the kids went to bed, watched movies together, and tried to catch up on sex but that's difficult to do once you hit your mid 30s (hahahahaha!) and we talked and did dishes together and cooked together and he even helped me with my speech. But I realized during this week; my kids still need me, and they need their dad here even more. This trucking thing just blows like a candle in a hurricane. Mr. R is leaving tonight for Michigan, and you'd think I'd be ok with this after having him home for a week; in reality, I am ticked off beyond belief. I want my husband HOME. I'm sick of sharing him with that truck. I'm a jealous wife. I want my husband home with me, in my bed, in our home, with our children, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
That's why I'm telling you guys here, right now, that when I graduate from Herzing University in April, I do plan to revamp my resume and look for another job inside the hospital. I want to make more money so Mr. R can afford to come off the road permanently. And if that means leaving my cozy home during the day, then so be it. We deserve to be a family together; I realize we don't even have many more years left to do this, which gives me even more of an impetus to get my act together. We're also working on Mr. R's resume so he might be able to find something local.
Next year, in 2011, Missy will be 16. Tiger will be 14, and Bucket will be 13. I don't want Mr. R to miss any more. God willing, Mr. R. will be coming home for good, hopefully by next summer. Go ahead and let me have it; I am backtracking on my be-at-home stand. But you know what, I walked the walk and talked the talk for many years. I still believe it's the right thing to do, especially when your children are small. But I also believe that circumstances are different for every family, and that my family needs both parents at home, and not just me.