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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Momma Guilt

Excuse the smoke, peeps. I've been thinking. *cough cough*

I have to ask a question...and I hope my faithful readers will be kind enough to answer my query. Most of us are moms...why do moms put themselves last? Why do we do this to ourselves?

I'm not depressed over my little bit of weight gain, just because I know that ups and downs come with the territory.

I was just thinking, if a doctor told me that one of my kids needed A, B, and C, I'd do it. I'd move mountains to make sure instructions were followed. Heck, I gave up a sort of high-powered career simply because my kids needed me. Moms do that. Gladly. Happily. That's what we do.

And yet, my doctor is telling me, lose weight. Join a gym. Get physical. Go for walks. And yet, I'm not doing ANY of it. Why? Why am I self-sabotaging my progress?

My usual excuse is, I don't have time. And let me tell you, my life is busy. Oh yes sirree Bob. Between work, housework, my children, church, kids activities, school, I am one swamped Momma. I fall into bed at night and fall asleep within seconds. I'm so tired, I don't even understand the concept of insomnia. I hate my alarm clock with a passion that ranks up there with child porn and Satan. But if my kids needed something, I'd rearrange my life in order to accommodate their needs. Why won't I do it for myself? Do I hate myself? Is it depression? Or is it simply a martyrdom issue? Do I just need to reorganize my day in order to fit in a work-out? Can it really be done?

My birthday is next week, and I had planned on using my paycheck (I get paid three times in May simply due to how the Fridays fall) to obtain a family membership to the Y here in my city. As a birthday present to myself. I'm already talking myself out of it. Why am I doing this? I know I need the exercise. I know I don't have room for any exercise equipment in my already cramped house. Plus I'm home all day long, I could use the excuse of a trip outside these four walls. And yet...I feel bad spending my money...on me.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

4 comments:

Amanda said...

I wish I had an answer for you. I'm really not sure why we do that. I know I used to feel guilty about spending time with my friends, etc. but then I realized that I'm a much better mom after I get a quick break. Now if I could just convince myself I'd be a better wife and mom if I'd schedule in exercise too!

Miriam said...

exercising sucks... that's what's wrong with you, if it was a blast, we'd all be doing it. I say join the Y and then guilt yourself into going until your body gets used to the routine... Good Luck dear friend, we've yet to join anything (but we did buy a house with 4 flights of stairs... hmmm...)

mindingmomma said...

I am so right there with you...

Kelly said...

I quit putting myself last several years ago when my fibro got bad. I had to take care of me. And so now I do.

I still don't exercise consistently. Exercise hurts with fibro. Pain is a big turn off for me. But I did buy ttapp and am going to do that most days. It is only 15 min. and stretching will help me. We do go dancing. That is exercise. And it's less painful since I am drinking at the same time ::rolleyes::

Yes, yes, yes join the Y. We got a 3 month family membership in February. Wanted to make sure the people would really use it. Yes they do! So in two weeks we will get a one year membership. I am going to go down and get my membership card, too (I've not been yet) because one of the older ladies in my WW meeting joined. And now that we're almost finishing hs'ing for the year, I'll be more available in the day and am going to do some water aerobic classes with her. Hopefully being in the water will be less painful for me.