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Saturday, October 13, 2007

I'm a Loser, Baby

I have proof that I am a total loser. Oh yay.

Mr. R's mom (Granny) called wanting to take the boys overnight. Of course they wanted to go, seeing as Granny gives them sugar, lets them drink soda after soda after soda, and they can stay up and watch movies and play video games. Granny rocks! And Missy had a birthday party to go to tonight. I suddenly realized that I had a night....no, not just any night, but a Saturday night...all to myself!
What do I do, what do I do.
I ended up coming home, watching House Hunters on HGTV, and cleaning the kitchen.
Yep, I'm a loser. I grabbed my cell phone and couldn't find one person to call. So what started out as an enjoyable night, has turned into a full blown pity party. Woe is meeeee, I have no friends! Frankly, I can't even figure out why I have a cell phone now. The only person who calls it is my husband.
I wasn't always a friend-free loser. In high school, my phone never stopped ringing. In college, I made friends right and left. I'm still long distance friends with two of my roomies (hi, Miriam and Chris!). Then I started having children, but I still had lots of friends, we just dragged our babies with us everywhere! And I had tons of fun! Then Bucket was diagnosed with autism, and I stopped going out. I stayed at home to avoid conflict, to avoid the stares of people glaring at my out-of-control boy. Relationships unraveled, friends drifted away. I got quieter and quieter, and lonelier and lonelier. I'm finally starting to feel comfortable going out again, but I realize I now have nowhere to really go. I've reached out to a few old friends, and while they seem somewhat receptive, you can tell when people really don't want you around. For example:

"Hi, *blankety blank. * How are you!"
"Oh, great Mrs. R. How's it going?"
"Oh, wonderful. Listen, what are you doing next weekend?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Me and *friend 1* and *friend 2* already have plans next weekend. We're going to the beach house. We would have invited you, but we figured Mr. R wouldn't be home to watch Bucket, and we know how it is with him."
"Oh. Ok, well have fun at the beach house. " click.

So once you get a few variations of phone calls like this, you stop trying. Then you only hear from said friends when they need to borrow money or need a babysitter. After all, they know you're home. Because you HAVE.NO.FRIENDS.

Honestly, I feel sorry for Mr. R. I must have called him 10 times tonight to talk to him. He gave me a few suggestions. Go to the movies. Go get your hair done. Get a pedicure. Take a bubble bath. Go the bookstore, order a super expensive cup of coffee, and buy a new book. Go the craft store. Get a tattoo. (yes, I'm not kidding!) While I'm appreciate he didn't ask me to wash the car or mop, none of those things were on my radar, except maybe the tattoo! lol...No, what I wanted to do was hang out with my nonexistent friends. So I'm halfway done cleaning the kitchen, I'm listening to "Design to Sell" and typing away.

TOTAL.LOSER.

1 comment:

Natasa said...

you are not loser... you are just lonely... like me...