We Really Did Try

This past week, I lost another (extremely early) pregnancy.  I was probably about 4 weeks along, due at the end of December.  About four days after my positive test, I started cramping really bad.  I never even bothered to go to the doctor or hospital since I was so early.  I didn't cry, I just accepted the news and did my usual.  Mr. R gently reminded me, "We said we'd try three times.  I can't stand seeing you doing this every month.  Please, let's be done."  I agreed.  I am so weary.   I made an appointment with the gynecologist who treated me in the hospital for my ectopic pregnancy, to find out about getting my other tube tied, a possible bladder sling, and possibly, even a partial hysterectomy.  My appointment is May 8th.  Peeps, I am tired of my monthly cycle, I am tired of this Diva Cup, I am tired of cramps and not wearing white jeans.  I want to plan a cruise with my husband and not worry about getting my period on vacation.  It sucks when my husband has been on a run for two or three weeks and when he comes back, we still can't be "together" because I am in the middle of a raging cycle.  ENOUGH.  I am 39 next month, I have been getting my period since I was 11, that is nearly 30 years of menstruating.  My children are 18, 17, and almost 16.  I love being a mom, always will, but I am finally ready to move on with the next part of my life.

On Wednesday, despite the throes of miscarrying, I still hopped on the scale to do my weekly weigh-in.  Wow.  I have officially lost 25 lbs since January and I feel fantastic (despite the horrific cramping I am going through this week.)  I cheated on my diet so bad last night.  Not just one slice of pizza, but four. Not just one glass of soda, but two.  Then I watched four episodes of Once Upon a Time on Netflix (OMGeeee, the best show ever!) went to bed, slept 9 hours (thank you Poe for letting me sleep in) got up and I lost another pound.  LOL...ok, fine by me.  Now I am having coffee, bacon and eggs before I go outside and mow the yard.  I actually got a warning ticket from the city for having grass that's too high.  I know the city has no idea that for the past two weeks, all I have done is work and take care of one kid recuperating from surgery, and another kid with autism.  They don't know or care, they just know that my grass is tall.  Ugh...I put my hair up, and I'm wearing a strapless top so I can go outside and get a tan while I mow.  Just finishing up my breakfast before I go.  Mr. R is on a trip to Illinois, or else he would have done the grass.  Tiger is still in a wheelchair so he can't mow, and Missy is working her shift at BK today.  And I don't really trust Bucket with the lawn mower, although I may ask him to do the backyard since the front yard is so huge.

And just because, here's a picture of me holding my BFF's baby:

Her name is Annalyse, she is 5 months old.  I love her.  I mean, so much.  And look at me...that's my CHIN.  Betcha you didn't know I had a cleft chin (I had it cleverly hidden under layers of fat to protect it, of course).  That chin is a gift from my Grandpa, thanks so much.  My blue eyes are also from him, as everyone else in my family has brown eyes.  As you can see, I also dyed my hair back to my dark brunette.  From now on, if I want red, I'll do streaks or highlights, not allover red.  I think even my soul is brunette!