Stop.

Per my husband's insistence, I withdrew my application for the Senior Rep position in my department.  Without me having my own vehicle right now (my daughter uses my car for going to school, and for work) I couldn't commit to being at meetings and trainings as required.  I do receive a PDO payout in December for unused vacation time....should be around $2000.  I was hoping to purchase a used vehicle with that but my husband is not on board.  Due to this, I emailed the Powers That Be and withdrew my application.

It was hard to write that email.  I don't think I was a shoo-in, but I think I had a good chance.  And now I feel ridiculously stupid for even trying.  Plus, whenever a new position pops up, I'll be wary to apply because they'll think "Oh, there's the girl who can't make up her mind."  So basically, in my department now, I am toast.  I will never get promoted, never get ahead, never be any more than I am right now.  And it is sad. 

Seriously, all I can think now is, I went back to college for no reason at all.  I will be stuck in the house until I retire, authorizing surgeries and making peanuts for what I do.  If I was a drinker, I'd be drinking right now.  So I just had more coffee instead. 

Missy is saving up for her own car, and we're hoping she will have it by the time she graduates in June.  But even then, my car won't be my own.  Next up is Tiger, who turns 16 in April, who will be driving.  And after that, it's Bucket, if he decides to learn to drive (not so sure about that.)  So this is not a temporary thing, I have two to three more years of teenagers driving my car.  So I guess I'm staying put, in the same boring job I've had since 2001.  Lucky me.