259.
Another pound, lost. Bye bye.
This must be water weight or something. I seriously don't get the mechanics behind this. I'm eating constantly and have not been exercising. And I've lost 9 pounds now, in 6 days. I called Mr. R back, feeling stupid. "Do you think this is dangerous?" I asked him. "Nah," he said. "It's not like you're throwing up or doing one of those liquid juice diets. You're eating, you have energy. Just be grateful!" And I am, but can I share a funny little fear I have?
I'm scared to NOT to be plus sized.
I have been plus sized, since I got married. My first year of college, instead of the freshman 15, I saw the freshman 50. I was about 190 when I got married. My mom had to alter my wedding gown because I had put on so much weight that even with a girdle, I wasn't getting into it. At 190, I was wearing about a size 16. My wedding dress had been either a 12 or a 14 when I bought it six months before I got married. Whoops. So basically, my entire adult life, I have been a plus sized woman. As an adult, as a married woman, as a mother, I have only known being plus sized, and that's been for the past seventeen years. I was quite a bit smaller in high school. I was straight sized then, and honestly, I don't want to dress like I'm fourteen again. Not too many 35 year old women look great in skin tight acid washed ripped jeans and a Guns n Roses tee. In my mind, that is how I associate being smaller.
I kind of want to stay plus sized. I relate to plus sized women. I see celebrities on TV and shake my head when I see how bony they are, and wonder how that can possibly be healthy or sexy. I have no idea how to dress straight sized, as an adult. I've spent my entire adult life playing up my curves, doing my best to hide the lumpy tummy, getting used to buying wide width shoes, and just owning my plus sized self. Does losing weight mean I'm going to lose this part of my identity?
I'd like to get to this point:
This type of body shape, is my ultimate goal. Not super thin, not bony. Strong, healthy, curvy. This is the plus size I want to be.
Will someone buy me that swimsuit? Goodness, I could use a new one!
Ok, like I said before, this is not a weight loss blog. Here are my plans for the day:
1) read Bible
2) drink coffee
3) clean my car
4) open up windows and doors to let fresh air in; it's only about 65-70 out there right now...bliss!
5) clean out my fridge and reorganize it. Something stinks in there. I'm afraid to find it.
6) drink more coffee
7) I have 5 bananas I didn't get to fast enough, so I think I'm making muffins later
8) play Uno with my kids
9) pluck my eyebrows. I should really have two of them, instead of them trying to meet in the middle!
Have an awesome day, friends!
6 comments:
Sarah, I swear we are twins. I could have posted this, scared feelings and all.
We'll work through it together :) I do have to say I am very happy to be a misses size now. I still have a lumpy belly and curves, just less of them :) I'm working my way down to a 10, and then I'm stopping. I don't want to be skinny or boney or not have curves.
I think that seems like a good goal, Kelly. I'm not sure I could ever be all bony and stuff. Even if I tried.
There is a book that I read called Passing for Thin by Frances Kuffel - it is dead on about how you react to your changing body and in turn how people react to you as you change.
From personal experience at my heaviest I weighted 290 - at my lowest a year later - 147 (gastric bypass 25 years ago) I have kept a majority of the weight off for a long time - I recently gained 60 back due to some setbacks and got on the scale at 220 - I almost had a heart attack. But I am losing it gradually and smartly.
Frances stated in you book that the more you lose the weight you feel like you are diminishing but at the same time you are emerging as well. It is a very interesting dynamic - like a butterfly.
You will get used to the changes and be amazed. The one thing that will be really is evident is how people treat you after you loose the weight. The same people who are dismissive of you will be your friends etc... That is the hardest part I think..
You should pick up her book it is really good.
Laura
Laura, I can't thank you enough for expressing your comment and for the great read. I will be looking for that one. Let us know how you're doing. xoxoxo
Sarah ~ My sisters are boney. They re talling than I am (I am 5'6", they are 5'7" and 5'9") and both are a size 6. Not for me. I don't want all my bones sticking out, and I am partial to my breasts ;)
So a curvy 10 will make me happy :)
Yeah I think that makes sense - about you being scared to not be plus-sized. It's become who you are, and that's a scary thing to change. Instead of thinking about the teenage you, think about becoming a slimmer, stronger adult you. You'll still be you, just better able to move around and keep up with your kids. Plus, even slimmed down, you won't need to buy teen clothes since you now have hips and boobs and other such womanly curves. ;) Don't worry! Embrace your soon-to-be new self!
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