What Is True Love?

After being married for 17 years, you'd think I'd know what love is all about.  Except I keep learning, keep trying new things, keep giving, keep TRYING.  He drives me crazy sometimes, but I truly do love him.  I think last night I proved it, once and for all.

I have an awesome pillow.  It is shaped funny and one of those that is supposed to stay cool no matter what, which is good for me considering the amount of hair I have.  I ADORE this pillow.  I've had it for three months and have slept fairly good since I got it.  Well, Mr. R's pillow, to put it plainly, sucks.  He's been home for a week and has been short and kind of angry because he's not sleeping very well.  At 10:30 last night, he said, "Can I try your pillow?"

Uhhh...what?  You want MY PILLOW?

"Please?  So I can see if it works as good for you as it does for me?"

I seriously had to think about it.  If I don't sleep well, that means I'm going to be a grouch and I'm working, while he's off this week.  And it was too late to run to the store and just buy a second one.  No, this mean real sacrifice, peeps; if he got my pillow, I'd be without.  Of course, I gave in, and let him use my pillow; and I swear that man was asleep within two minutes.  I slept ok...not as great as usual, and I got up at 5:45 to make sure Missy and Tiger were up in time to catch the bus.  It's now almost 8am, and the man is still sleeping.  Guess my pillow worked for him, too.

So.  What have you done lately for your loved one, that required you to give something up that you really wanted?  Was it a tv show, or the last cup of coffee?  Was it moving somewhere you didn't want, or keeping a job you didn't like in order to support that person?  Tell me!

Goodbye, Dear Friend

I've known...maybe for a few weeks, that the end was close for Roscoe.  Basset hounds are notoriously lazy, and this dog managed to get even lazier.  He slept constantly, peed on himself in his sleep, had accidents all over the house.  I followed him with a mop for a good month.  Still he was cheerful and sweet to the kids.  I just thought he was aging.  On Saturday night, while Mr. R was out with his friends fishing, he had an accident in Missy's room.  I got him outside to finish his deed while Missy mopped her room.  She was angry.  I wasn't happy, but I didn't yell either, just let him out and proceeded to go about my business.

A half hour later, I let him in.  He was limping really bad, and he hadn't been limping earlier.  I checked his paws for snake bites, and saw nothing.  He almost seemed drunk; stumbling around which is so not like him.  In the 8 years we had this dog, I've never seen him do anything like that.  I had to help him into his crate.  He turned around, flopped down, looked up at me and sighed.  I patted him on the head, and told him he was a good dog.  Then he went to sleep.

Mr. R came in the house maybe 90 minutes later; normally I'd hear Roscoe get excited to hear Mr. R come in, but nothing.  I remember laying in bed, thinking that was odd.  I called out to my husband, and he said he was going to watch tv in the living room for a bit so as not to disturb me, and I drifted back off.  Mr. R fell asleep on the couch, and came to bed with me around 4:30.  Then I woke up at 7:30...nearly an hour past my usual time to wake up.  I overslept?  How the heck did that happen? Roscoe gets me up at the crack of dawn so he can potty!  I threw the covers off, and ran to his crate, and when I saw him, I knew.  I knew he was dead.  He normally sleeps facing outward to see Bucket who sleeps on the couch every night.  Instead Roscoe was facing the wall, with his butt facing out.  I tiptoed over to the crate and opened the door.  I tried to rattle the door, but he wasn't moving.  I ran back into the bedroom and woke up Mr. R.  "Pssst.  Babe.  Wake up!  I think Roscoe is dead."  He jumped out of bed, ran to the crate, and confirmed my suspicions.  My eyes started to well up.  I let the kids know he was dead.  Missy cried; Tiger is busy being "manly" and Bucket never liked Roscoe.  We buried Roscoe in the backyard in his favorite spot to sun himself.  Mr. R suspects that Roscoe may have died right after I put him to bed, because he was already cold and stiff.  I'm so glad I made him a special dinner of scrambled eggs and sausage to mix into his dog food, so at least I know his last meal was a good one.  I'm so glad he could die in his own bed, in his own crate, surrounded by his people.  Heck, I hope I'm blessed in that way myself.

I went to the doctor today for a normal check up and my blood pressure is awful again.  My sugar is good but they want to put me back on Metformin, which made me super sick.  I said yes, and I'm just going to halve the pills and hope it will jumpstart me on some weight loss.  I also tore a ligament in my right ankle, so I'm going to not do Couch to 5k for about a week and hopefully this ankle will repair itself.  It's sore, swollen and the most pretty purple right now.  It was weird to come back to the house and not be greeted by Roscoe, wagging his tail.  He was really a friendly dog. 

Another job I applied for at the hospital was closed, so again I didn't even get an interview.  So disgusted.

Anyway, we do not plan to get another dog.  I am kind of over the pet thing.  We are going to take Roscoe's stuff and donate it to the Humane Society.  Probably head over there tomorrow.  We still have the three cats, O'Malley, Hercules and Buck.  O'Malley is 12, nearly 13, so I'm guessing he will be next.  Hercules is 5 and Buck is 2 or 3.  A friend of mine is trying to give kitties away and I am emphatically saying NO to everyone. 

I'm With The Band

When I was in high school (late 80s, early 90s) the coolest girls were dating musicians.  I, of course, was one of these girls...every guy I dated was a tortured (and broke) musician, including the one I married, Mr. R. While I wouldn't consider myself a musician, I do actually love to sing and love all types of music.  I can also attend a concert and tell when one musician in an entire orchestra messes up.  So I guess I do have an ear for understanding and appreciating music.  So it is really no surprise to Mr. R or me that one of our kids is also a musician...and that is Tiger.

Here he is, playing alto sax for his first high school performance:

The performance was moved from the normal Friday to Wednesday due to a hurricane we didn't even get.  So their uniforms were not ready yet.  That's why they're all wearing tees and jeans.

The band this year is doing songs by The Beatles.  Tiger is not a fan.  But yet he learned all the songs...could not be prouder.

Getting ready for half time show, again no one was ready due to new students, and having to perform earlier than expected, so it was quite jumbled up.

I can't wait to see them actually marching, but that will be next week.

Tubas are heavy!

I haven't updated much in a while, so thought I'd fill you guys in on a few things:

1)  I've got a measly $50 saved up for the reversal.  That is only 1% of what I need.  Fail.
2)  For those who may have thought it, I'm setting the record straight now: Mr. R is not a bad parent for not wanting Bucket to be on the meds.  He is simply concerned about how these medications will impact his growth and how safe they really are; many of them have not been tested on children.  He is not wanting Bucket to suffer.
3)  I have applied for several jobs at the hospital and cannot even get an interview.  I have been personally quite discouraged lately.  I may take a break from applying, maybe until after the reversal in January.
4)  I have not done anything to my hair, mostly because my hospital is very conservative about what you do, and I wanted to wait until after I scored an interview to do my hair.  But now I may do it anyway.  I need a pick me up, and having a good cut and color could make me feel better.
5)  I have started doing Couch to 5K, and I am clearly going to need more than 2 months to teach myself to run 3 miles.  I can barely do the 60 seconds of jogging that the first week requires.  Luckily, I am not in a competition with anyone but myself, and don't mind doing the first week again next week.


So.  What's up with you guys?

I Had A Rough Week

Sahaana, I know the pictures didn't upload last week; I have no idea what happened, but I'll repost.  Thanks for letting me know!

I still have not cut my hair.  I think you'll be able to tell from the pictures I'm posting today.  Ponytail and barrettes are back in effect.  When I have third grade hair, it's time for a trim!
I didn't post much last week.  Work has been crazy.  One of my coworkers was on vacation, and then another coworker's mom had a stroke and then she missed time too.  I love helping my coworkers, don't get me wrong, but that means my work gets neglected.  Then I feel rushed, hurried and out of control.  No one is on vacation next week, so I will finally be able to concentrate on my own work.  Plus...the kids are back at school tomorrow.

Here is what I wore to church today.

My striped Merona shirt, black lace tank top from WalMart, and my black cotton gypsy skirt from WalMart.  Also, my open toe black shoes from Target.  Blue crystal pendant from Target.  I think the only places I shop are WalMart and Target?

I think I need a new bra.  Am I lopsided here?  I assure you, that of the many issues I have, my girls are both the same size.  Am I slouching?  I don't think I am?

I am laughing pretty hard here because Tiger is doing the Running Man behind Missy as she takes my picture.  Today was a good morning.

But Thursday...it was bad.  I had to leave early to take Bucket to middle school to get his schedule and pick up old report cards.  Then we went to his psych doctor.  I left in tears.  Besides, his diagnosis of autism, we have now added General Anxiety Disorder, attention deficit disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and "attention to thrive physiologically."  I don't understand why, I don't know God's plan for my Bucket, but all I know is that whatever he does, it will be exponentially harder for him than it will be for others.  I am not sure I will ever understand it.  All I know is, I'll be here to guide him as best as I can, to make good decisions for him until he is capable (if that ever happens.)  Mr. R and I are fighting over his meds right now.  The doctor prescribed an anti-anxiety med for Bucket.  Mr. R says no...I say, let's give it a shot and see what happens.  I can tell Bucket is super anxious.  He has chewed his bottom lip into a pulverized mess of skin and picks at his skin constantly.  He also has tics a lot.  I don't want to go behind Mr. R's back, but I don't want to turn my back on Bucket.  Please pray for me to make a good decision for my son.  I hate medications, I truly do.  I just love my kiddo so much.

Sort Of A Repeat

I completely forgot that I wore an almost identical outfit about two weeks ago.  Missy actually noticed before I did.  This is what I wore to church yesterday:

This outfit should be called "How the plus size girl shops at Target."  Except for the tank, it's all Target! My purple wrap Merona for Target dress;  I will cry when this thing either rips or I grow out of it.  Black Walmart tank, Target jewelry and Target shoes.

These dresses make me feel pulled together.  This one is a size 1x.  My sister bought me the bag for my birthday, it is by a company called "thirty-one."  I put my Bible stuff in it.  Just big enough for my Bible, study guide, notebook, wallet and cell phone.

My hair is driving me nuts right now.  I hate it.  But this is the stage where I always hate it.  I hate hair next to my chin.  To me, that's the widest part of my face.  I'm trying so hard not to shave my head right now.

I told Mr. R I wouldn't cut my hair.  But oh my WORD I hate my hair right now.  I know the weather has a lot to do with it.  The humidity drives me crazy.  It's greasy near the roots, and dry at the ends.  It is both frizzy and flat.  Unfortunately, I live in a swamp which means I can't even look forward to autumn...we don't have autumn.  It will be 85-100% humidity until October, maybe November.  I don't know if I can last this long with awful hair.  You see, I totally relate to Jo from Little Women, who felt like she was not all that pretty except that she had great hair.  Well, I kind of feel the same way.  My hair CAN be awesome.  But it's not right now, and it's making me SAD.  Plus, all I ever do is throw it up in a bun or ponytail.  It's boring!  I am feeling stir crazy wearing this mop of hair!  I want a change, yet I know I won't keep up with a complicated hairstyle.  More than 10-15 minutes of styling and I am DONE.  I don't like product, as it makes my scalp break out.  What is a girl to do?

I have a few thoughts.  You guys tell me which one you like:

Kelly Clarkson!  Cute, right?  Longer in the front, shorter in the back, she has straight hair and a round face like I do.

Or:

I don't know who this chick is, but I like her hair.  My hair will actually flip that way.  Again, another person with a round face and straight hair.

Or:

Love Rihanna!  She does some crazy hair, but this is one of my favorites.

Or should I just let it grow super long again?