Frustrated Beyond Belief

One of those days with Sir Bucket, when he tests my very limits, and makes my heart literally hurt inside my chest when I wonder: "What am I doing WRONG here?"

School called.  Assistant principal.  She doesn't call to say hi, you know?  Bucket apparently kicked a child in the head (a friend!) who apparently tattled on Bucket for doing something wrong.  The thing Bucket did wrong; it was sexual in nature.  We are having major issues lately with masturbation (I can't believe I just typed that out) and very sexual language that is not at all polite.  So this boy going to an administrator was honestly a good thing.  Bucket didn't take well to the fact that his friend told on him, and so kicked him.  And is therefore suspended for four days.  Today is one of them.  Bucket does not go back to school until next Monday. 

Believe me when I tell you, it does not escape me that this happened one day after Mr. R left to go to Virginia for a load.  The bad behavior erupts every time Daddy leaves to go to work.  The pattern is clear to both of us.

Bucket is 12 years old, and it is quite normal for 12 year old boys to get those sexual thoughts and feelings.  That part doesn't bother me.  What bothers me is how he is acting out.  Every single person in this house has caught him "taking care of business" so to speak.  And if we've seen it, I am certain people at school have seen it.  His attitude is horrible, he's mean, he curses, and will get violent if he doesn't get his way.

It is with all this information that I've not sure if we're having the reversal done.  I just can't bring a baby into this house right now.  Mr. R must be home.  Bucket is so angry, and so rude, and so...UGH!...that I am not even entertaining right now.  I don't have friends come over for coffee, and I don't babysit anymore, and I don't feel like I can have Missy's friends even spend the night.  She has to go to their houses for a sleepover.  Raising teenagers with autism is HARD.  Every time I feel like I get one phase down, another one starts.  This one scares me.  I hope you'll please be praying for Bucket to grow out of this one quickly, and move onto something else besides sex or violence.  Or both.  ~shudder~

Obligatory Thanksgiving Stuff

Oh of course I'm thankful.  Thankful and grateful and filled with love.  But do you guys really want to see my Thanksgiving?
Well, that's why it's my blog.  You're going to get to see it anyway.

Missy and my mom, and their dog Brody who just had to be in the picture.  Animals love Missy.  He follows her all over the house.

Missy and I...and probably one of my favorite pictures ever.

Tiger, waiting on food.  And watching Spongebob, I think.

Roscoe the Scavenger, waiting for food to drop.

Mr. R on the phone with my brother Kevin.

Bucket and my mom.  We had to threaten to take away the turkey leg from him if he didn't take a picture.  That's why you're getting the goofy face.

Hoping your Thanksgiving was blessed.  I did end up feeling awful by the end of the night.  I didn't time out the meal plan very well and my blood sugar dropped like crazy, so I ate something sugary which brought it up too high.  I ended up laying on my mom's couch praying I didn't hurl.  But I did recover nicely.  Diabetes does not care if it's Thanksgiving.  But hey, I'm still learning, right?

On the Tail End of this Ride

Well peeps, my time is coming to graduate from Herzing University Online in April.  I can't believe it.  I remember when I was trying to decide if I should even go back to college, and now I'm about to finish.  Well, at least with my two year degree.  It was hard fought, believe me.  And while I know most people would roll their eyes at a two year degree, I pulled it off while working full time, parenting three kids on my own and keeping a household mostly together.  I'm proud of me. 

Right now, I have no intention of finishing up and getting my bachelor's.  I'm not saying it's out of the question, but I need a break.  Funny thing is, right now, I'm not looking for another job.  I did apply for a coding job, but it was already filled.  I am being patient.  Being patient is so difficult for me. 

I don't have much to say tonight.  I've been posting with pictures and have had hardly any comments.  I guess everyone is busy these days. 

So.  Do YOU have any questions for me?  Any burning thoughts?  Complaints?  Suggestions?  Let me know! 

Welcome, Friends!

All of a sudden, getting new people following Fill Up Your Mug!  Well, welcome to my little corner of the blogosphere.  I'm so thrilled to have you with me.  Leave comments, I don't bite unless I'm super hungry.  Ha!

Over the weekend, I decided to revamp my work and exercise schedule.  I fell off the exercise bandwagon again, even though I feel great when I'm done.  You know, I'm such an idiot at times.  I self sabotage.  No idea why.  I suppose therapy would help, but I'd never keep up with it.  I started it this morning, and it seemed to work out just fine.  Let's see if I'm this gung-ho by Thursday, hmmm.

Monday through Friday Schedule

5:30 - 6:15  Wake up, potty, do blood sugar, turn on coffee, eat breakfast, turn on work computer
6:15 - 6:45   Go for walk/run
6:45 - 7:15   Coffee, Bible, and wake up the boys, check blood sugar
7:15 - 7:30   clean up dishes and help boys with anything they need
7:30 - 12:00  work, but eat lunch at 11:30 while I'm working (I do this a lot)
12:00 - 1:30  go to gym and do weight training (I'm not doing weight training for 90 minutes, I have to drive there and back, and also check my sugars and get my post work out snack or I'll be sick)
1:30 - 5:00    work

Here is where it gets more complicated:

Monday evening:  Missy makes dinner, it's Mexican Monday!  I do schoolwork while Missy makes dinner.  This is a night where we can all go to the gym together.  Then we come home, do our house chores, and bed at 10pm.

Tuesday evening: Boys have church from 6:30-8.  On Tuesdays, we usually have a chicken dish.  We all do our house chores, and Missy and I can hit the gym together.  Bed at 10pm.

Wednesday evening: Missy and I have church.  This is our usual pasta night.  Usual horse chores.  I can drop Tiger off at the gym, and Bucket is capable of staying home and playing video games.  I'm five minutes away, and this is teaching him some independence, plus gives Tiger some alone time.  Normal house chores, and bed at 10pm.

Thursday evening: Tiger has saxophone practice.  Missy usually makes dinner this night because I'm out with Tiger.  Normal house chores, and we just don't have time for the gym on Thursday night.

Friday evening:  I finish up any schoolwork for the week (hopefully.)  We order pizza on Fridays, and hopefully make it to the gym. 

Weight as of this morning: 261.  Blood sugar: 128.

New Merona Green Dress

Starfish necklace by my friend Natalie.  I love the blue and green stones; figured it would go perfectly with the new dress, and I was right! (I always am...just learn to live with that, mmmkay?)

The hair is looking so much better.  I'm liking it a lot more now.  Still bushy, but that's just me.  Do you like the new dress?

See how low cut it is in the back?  But I still have a cami on. 

Just more proof in my own eyes, that most of my weight is in my stomach.  I don't think I look particularly plus sized here.  Well, except maybe the fat arms.  But my upper body is not my major issues.  I carry all the junk down below.

I'm goofing off with Tiger here.  I was singing the lyrics to "Bad" by Michael Jackson.  Come on, you all know the song.  "I said I'm bad, I'm bad, really really bad!"  (anyone who has to keep repeating it, probably is NOT.)

Merona by Target.  This dress came out over the summer, and I never picked it up, despite the fact that I love an emerald green, love Merona, and it was under $30.  I'm not sure why.  So when I saw it on eBay for $15, I snapped this bad boy up.  I didn't realize the back is as low cut as the front, but even with my tank top on, you couldn't tell in the back.  I looooove this dress and wish I had it in about 80 gazillion different colors.  The straps are wide enough for a full size bra, it's V-neck and nips in at the waist.  Merona, I adore thee.  Keep making these dresses, and I will continue to purchase them!

Walk For Autism 2010

Autism is a difficult subject to research.  This doesn't surprise me.

Beautiful day; too hot to my liking.  About 80.

Missy walking ahead of me.

All the signs were facing the wrong way.  Gwen couldn't stand it...she kept on moving them.  I guess the OCD is contagious.

Funniest part of the day.  There was a band, and these two mascots were dancing together.  It was hilarious!

You rock, Froggy!

The band was very good.  They did a few John Mayer songs together.

I could spend a lot of money at concessions, but I held myself back.

Christmas tree.  80 degrees.  This is my life.

It was a beautiful day.  It was a 5k, but we only walked around twice so it ended up being a 2 mile walk. 

Volusia County Fair

Missy wanted the caption to say "I AM NOT A NUGGET!"

This would be a goat.  Actually two.  And they really do say BAAAAAA.

Milking a fake cow.  I kid you not.  I love Volusia County. 

Nutrients?  Pffffft.

The Bucket's favorite ride.  The fireball!  It's a roller coaster which is a circle.  Goes completely upside down.  Bucket is the only one who will ride it, too.

Tiger gave his jacket to Missy's friend, who "forgot" hers.  And poor Tiger promptly froze for the rest of the night.  It was, literally, the coldest fair I've ever been to.  I think it was 38 or 39 degrees.  We could see our breath.

This is his favorite shirt.

FRIES TWINKIES?!!?  NOM!!!  Actually, I didn't get one.  But the sign is awesome.

A monkey in a dress.  Did I mention how much I love this county?

I need to have this sign prominently displayed in my home.  I love it!

So.  I lost Bucket for an hour at the fair.  Cops were called.  Entrances blocked.  Walkie talkies and golf carts were employed.  Know where we found him?  On the Ring of Fire ride.  And when I found him and started bawling in front of the cops, do you know what he says to me?  He says, "Mom, I'm hungry.  Can I get some pizza?"  And so...here's the slice of pizza.  And a Coke, because I'm a total pushover when I've lost my baby for an hour and he asks me for stuff.

Notice the streaky face?  Yes.  I'd been crying.

Honestly, I could have went to bed after this.  But the boys had pizza and so they were ready to party.

The one who doesn't give me as much grief.

The boys on the bumper cars.  A good excuse to hit each other as hard as possible.

Funnel cake!!!!  Ok, I had a few bites.  But I didn't get a whole one for myself.  And that is PROGRESS.

38 degrees and the boy wants ice cream.  Sigh.

We had fun at the Volusia County Fair!

I Have a Fun Day Planned!

First, I slept until 8am.  Glorious.  My body feels amazing this morning!
Second, I'm about to clean the kitchen (the boys did something in it after I crashed last night), start dinner in the crockpot, and sweep the house.
Third, I am going OUT today.  I will probably leave here between 10 and 11.  I'm going to shop at KMart and put clothing items and maybe a few video games on layaway.  I don't really need to use layaway, but it's hard to hide stuff in my house.  So layaway it is.  I will pick the items up sometime after December 8, because I have three days off work that week and will be able to wrap it all while the kids are school.  I KNOW, I'M A GENIUS!!!

Then, I'm going to Mr. R's sister's house to pick up our cell phone.  She ran up a $400 bill last month and basically doesn't care; we did pay it, but Mr. R finally had enough and asked for the phone back.  (I refrained myself from the "I told you so, but I sure thought about it!")  So I get to do the dirty work and go get it.  We will probably be changing our plan with Sprint; not sure yet.  I'm hoping for a new phone out of this deal; mine is old and useless.  I can't even talk and text at the same time.  

At 2pm, I'm going to an Avon party.  I don't wear Avon makeup, but they do have cute, inexpensive jewelry that I thought I could pick up a few things for Missy, Nana and my sister Kelly for Christmas.  Plus, I like to help my friends out.  I buy MaryKay from Nicola, Pampered Chef from Renee, so I don't see why I can't purchase Avon from Natalie.   

I have fallen completey off the meal plan bandwagon, and intend to get back on.  I don't feel good.  My blood sugar is stable, but I felt better with that weight off.  I haven't even weighed myself; I can tell it came back.  But hey, I know what works, I know I can do it, and I'll be back.  

Here's praying that all my bloggy friends have an amazing day planned today too! 




 

How Can God Use You Today?

As you might know, we live in Florida, known as the Sunshine state.  Well, today it is raining, but I thank God for it, because we hadn't had rain in a month and we were under red flag fire warnings.  I woke up to that familiar taptaptap on my roof and I just grinned.  I absolutely adore a rainy day and am so bummed that I have to work instead of baking muffins and listening to music. 

I was sitting at the computer typing away this morning when one of Bucket's friends came to the door.  He was wearing a thin shirt and shivering.  He said, "It's raining!"  I just nodded and kept typing but this poor child kept shivering.  It was Tiger who said, "I think we might have an extra sweatshirt!"  So Bucket ran into his room and pulled out a sweatshirt we bought him last Christmas, and his friend slipped it on.  I said, "Did you forget your sweatshirt this morning?"  and this boy shook his head and said, "I don't have one."  (Now before you think poorly, we hardly ever use sweatshirts down here, it is a rare occassion, especially in November to even need a cardigan or sweater.)  This weekend, it is supposed to get into the 40s, which is really odd for November, so I told him to keep the sweatshirt until his mom replaced his, or he found one in his house.  He grinned at me and said, "I really like this one!  Thank you!"

A sweatshirt.  A plain brown sweatshirt blessed this child on a cold rainy morning.  I wish it was always this easy to be a blessing to someone.  Maybe it is.  I'm glad God used our extra sweatshirt to keep a boy warm this morning.  I'm glad I could be used.

More in Control Than Ever Before

Just feeling blessed these days, my friends.  And trust me, it is NOT over the election.  Ugh, Rick Scott won.  I'm a Biblical conservative and I did NOT vote for him.  I'm disturbed that the citizens of Florida chose a person who would steal from the elderly.  *shake my head*  Anyway, this is NOT a political blog at all.  I don't like politics.  I avoid it like the plague.  Mr. R loves it and it makes me want to vomit.  So let me get onto the real stuff:

Blood sugar has been excellent lately.  My physician told me I could take only half the metformin she prescribed me.  Little does she know that I completely stopped taking it.  I am taking cinnamon pills instead.  She is not aware; and that's fine by me.  I will keep up on my labwork and if my blood sugar starts to go back up, I will go back to the metformin.  But for now, my results are excellent and I prefer using the cures God gave us through excellent nutrition and the natural plants around us.

Didn't apply for management position.  Super glad I didn't.  I'm not management material.  I like being home.  The coding position would allow me to work from home, so I'm ok with it.  Haven't heard back yet though, which is typical.  They take forever to go over applications.  For now, I will stick with what I do, and do my best.

Mr. R and I are doing the vasectomy reversal next summer.  I know!  And I promise you all, I didn't nag him.  Seriously!  I prayed that he would change his mind before I hit 40 (I'll be 36 in May.)  Other than that, I am doing my best paying off debt, finishing up school, and trying to keep a lovely home.  HE is the one who brought it up, I promise.  And it was so out of the blue, that I nearly fell out of my chair when he mentioned it.  It was when I was talking to him about how Missy was driving me crazy (excellent timing, no?)  He said, "If she's driving you crazy, what's going to happen when our next baby girl is born?"  Let me tell you, that will catch your attention.  I said, "Don't tease me.  That's not nice."  and he said, "Let's plan for next summer.  Let me get the plant season out of the way (that's next spring, February through May is his busiest time of year.  He probably makes half his yearly salary during those three months.)  I will call the reversal place in January and set the appointment.  I will keep all receipts because a vasectomy reversal is tax deductible.  We will be calling Mr. R's mom to stay with the kids for about two-three days while we go to Tampa to get the procedure done.  It costs...sigh...$5000.  You have to put down a $1000 deposit the day you make the appointment, which is why I'm waiting until after Christmas.  Then that will give me about 6-7 months to save up the $4000 remainder, plus hotel room for two days, and gas both ways.  It's not very far from our house to Tampa, about 2 hours.  We will not go into debt to do the reversal, so I will be saving up the cash next year.

I pray that all of you will be praying for us as we do this.  While I still have to work, I will get to be at home with my baby.  We're very excited about the potential for us to add to our family. 

I am just feeling very content with my life right now.  I have the Lord who loves me, and I love Him.  A man who adores me, children who I love, a decent job, friends, family, an amazing church family.  I'm just feeling the love, lately.  And I want to shout it from the rooftops...I AM BLESSED!!!