I decided not to apply for the management position this time. Not because I think I can't do it, not because I'm scared (<---I'm such a liar, I'm a little scared), but mostly because I decided my kids still need me in the morning. That management position would require me to be at the hospital by about 6am, which means I'd have to be up at 4am to get there in time (I live about 45 minutes away.) That means my kids would be alone in the mornings to get ready for school, which is something my boys are not ready to do. Missy gets up and out the door on her own. But I'm still dragging the boys out of bed and having to really "be" with them in the mornings. I talked to Mr. R about it this morning, and we both decided that any work-out-of-the-house positions will have to wait until Bucket starts high school, which is in less than two years. I'm comfortable with this; and it's hard to believe MY BABY will be in high school in less than two years! Wha....
Coding position still on, though. Besides, I didn't go to school to be a manager anyway, I went to school to be a coder. I'll stick with that. Making more money does not make up for knowing my kids are alone in the mornings. Home first. Home first ALWAYS.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Is This A Bad Choice?
Oh peeps. OH PEEPS. I am shaking in my boots (actually my red polka dot slippers) right now. I applied last week for a coding position at the hospital, and just now also applied for a MANAGEMENT position at the hospital! Comfort zone? I shot it, buried it, and then peed on it. I have that same feeling in my stomach when you eat bad sushi. Am I ready for this? Am I ready to leave my house after 9 YEARS of working from home?
My friend Carmella is writing my letter of recommendation for the management position; one wasn't required for the coding position. And if I got the job, a supervisor I had about three years ago would be my supervisor again, so at least there is some comfort there. She knows me, knows my story, knows my background. I don't know if this is smart of me, but I figured even if I don't get the job, I could use the experience for interview practice. I haven't interviewed in ten years.
Oh, I think I need to go throw up now.
My friend Carmella is writing my letter of recommendation for the management position; one wasn't required for the coding position. And if I got the job, a supervisor I had about three years ago would be my supervisor again, so at least there is some comfort there. She knows me, knows my story, knows my background. I don't know if this is smart of me, but I figured even if I don't get the job, I could use the experience for interview practice. I haven't interviewed in ten years.
Oh, I think I need to go throw up now.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Hooray for Hemp!
I never ever would have thought I'd have a post with THAT title! lololololol
Tonight I made my first ever hemp smoothie. If you don't stuff that's thick and gritty, this is not for you. I used:
8 oz of hemp milk
2 tbsp of hemp protein (it seriously smells like weed to me!)
3 tbsp of hemp seeds
Frozen strawberries
One banana
dash of vanilla
Drink up. I've had about four swigs of it, and I'm full. Seriously. Tiger had a sip and said it was the most disgusting thing ever. It definitely needs more fruit. The recipe actually calls for 4 tbsp of hemp protein, but the smell was so intense I used half instead, and I'm glad I did. I may halve the hemp seeds, too. There is so much fiber in this drink that I may need to wear a diaper tomorrow. If I halve the protein and seeds, it may not be as gritty, and hopefully more of the fruit taste will come out. I added no sugar or agave nectar. Sweetness factor is fine for me, but may not be for you. I say try it. You may really like it!
This is the exact product I used. Do you see that where it says 43% fiber in one serving? OH MY. Don't call me tomorrow, peeps.
Tonight I made my first ever hemp smoothie. If you don't stuff that's thick and gritty, this is not for you. I used:
8 oz of hemp milk
2 tbsp of hemp protein (it seriously smells like weed to me!)
3 tbsp of hemp seeds
Frozen strawberries
One banana
dash of vanilla
Drink up. I've had about four swigs of it, and I'm full. Seriously. Tiger had a sip and said it was the most disgusting thing ever. It definitely needs more fruit. The recipe actually calls for 4 tbsp of hemp protein, but the smell was so intense I used half instead, and I'm glad I did. I may halve the hemp seeds, too. There is so much fiber in this drink that I may need to wear a diaper tomorrow. If I halve the protein and seeds, it may not be as gritty, and hopefully more of the fruit taste will come out. I added no sugar or agave nectar. Sweetness factor is fine for me, but may not be for you. I say try it. You may really like it!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The Plan Works, But I'm Not
I gained two pounds this week, so I'm back up to 261. Bummer, but I'm not surprised. I needed to go food shopping, and didn't plan my meals. Plus, I'm finishing up uterine appreciation week. I ended up eating at McDonalds, Taco Bell, and Lil Caesar's all in one day. I was fairly certain my colon was really, really mad at me. Then I had to do lab work this morning, and it had been 15 hours since I'd eaten; well, I passed out in the chair when they drew my blood. At least I got orange juice and some crackers out of that.
I ended up in the health food store at 10am this morning. I decided to buy hemp powder protein mix so I'm not stuck eating lunch meat for my protein snack all the time. I also bought hemp seeds and hemp milk. Does this make me a pot head? Tee heee....you add that together with fruit and vanilla and it should make a very healthy and tasty smoothie. I'll be experimenting big time here. I like fruit, but sometimes have a hard time choking it down. I'll be trying blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, mangoes, papayas, pineapples, bananas, oranges, lemons, limes and more! I'm actually quite excited about this. One thing that has been a real bummer about diabetes is the lack of dessert. I'm not a huge dessert person, but sometimes a person just wants a sweet. Hopefully these protein shakes will satisfy my sweet tooth and stabilize my blood sugar at the same time. And also, it helps me to avoid eating so much meat, and the salt that comes with meat. I'm not anti-meat (I adore a decent steak) but eating meat so much was adding calories I wasn't interested in, plus way too much sodium. I'm hoping this will work well for me.
I have my last speech before my class ends next week. I have an A in the class right now. Did I mention that I graduate in April? I'm so happy to be nearly done!
I ended up in the health food store at 10am this morning. I decided to buy hemp powder protein mix so I'm not stuck eating lunch meat for my protein snack all the time. I also bought hemp seeds and hemp milk. Does this make me a pot head? Tee heee....you add that together with fruit and vanilla and it should make a very healthy and tasty smoothie. I'll be experimenting big time here. I like fruit, but sometimes have a hard time choking it down. I'll be trying blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, mangoes, papayas, pineapples, bananas, oranges, lemons, limes and more! I'm actually quite excited about this. One thing that has been a real bummer about diabetes is the lack of dessert. I'm not a huge dessert person, but sometimes a person just wants a sweet. Hopefully these protein shakes will satisfy my sweet tooth and stabilize my blood sugar at the same time. And also, it helps me to avoid eating so much meat, and the salt that comes with meat. I'm not anti-meat (I adore a decent steak) but eating meat so much was adding calories I wasn't interested in, plus way too much sodium. I'm hoping this will work well for me.
I have my last speech before my class ends next week. I have an A in the class right now. Did I mention that I graduate in April? I'm so happy to be nearly done!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
No News Is Good News?
I am still truding along, still doing the plan. This week, the results have not been as impressive. I'm holding steady at 259. But, I consider it a victory, because my blood sugars have been great, and I've had my period this week; my normal week for scarfing down Pepsi and bags of chips by the pound. I can tell I'm retaining water and so I'm pretty certain that my weight will start to shift downwards again next week.
But I have a thought that won't leave me. I want to know what you guys think. I go to a women's Bible study on Wednesdays, and I know the teacher fairly well. Her name is Laura, and she's an amazing godly woman who I admire. She has a daughter the same age as Missy, and her two older boys serve in middle and high school ministry, so I know them as well. I had told her I'd been having issues with medication, but didn't elaborate. Again, I haven't told too many people I have type 2 diabetes. It is because of conversations like THIS:
Laura: "Why are you taking medication?"
Me: "Diabetes."
Laura: "I'm so sorry to hear that. Have you considered getting your stomach stapled?"
SIGHHHHH. I know she wasn't trying to be hurtful, I know she wasn't poking me in my gut yelling FATFATFATTIEDIDYOUKNOWYOUREFAT but seriously, this is why I keep it to myself. I don't want people to ask me questions about "what I'm doing" and why, for right now, a lap band procedure is not for me. Let me tell you why it's not my choice:
1) My insurance covers it, but it's a $5000 copay!
2) I am terrified of anesthesia. I have fears of dying on the table.
3) I am slowly losing the weight through diet and exercise, and that doesn't cost me near as much as the copay.
I am so not against weight loss surgery. I really do understand why people do it, and kudos to them. I will not be judging anyone who chooses that route. And maybe someday I will, but for now, I don't want to think about it. So I work on my meal plan, and go on my walks, and dance in my kitchen, and pray to see results. Would any of you be offended by someone just straight up mentioning weight loss surgery to you? I'm trying not to be offended, but I suddenly felt like a tub of lard sitting next to her, a trim muscular woman in her upper 40s. It was hard to concentrate on the study of Ruth, which is such a beautiful account in the Bible.
Have a blessed day, peeps. I have a lot to do today because I have a meeting at the hospital tomorrow at 8am. I'm going to try and do as much work as I can today because my entire morning tomorrow will be in the meeting. This also means I have to leave tomorrow morning by about 6:50. My boys aren't even up that early, so I guess I'll be harrassing them by cell phone to get out of bed. Ah, the thrill of a working woman's life. Le sigh.
But I have a thought that won't leave me. I want to know what you guys think. I go to a women's Bible study on Wednesdays, and I know the teacher fairly well. Her name is Laura, and she's an amazing godly woman who I admire. She has a daughter the same age as Missy, and her two older boys serve in middle and high school ministry, so I know them as well. I had told her I'd been having issues with medication, but didn't elaborate. Again, I haven't told too many people I have type 2 diabetes. It is because of conversations like THIS:
Laura: "Why are you taking medication?"
Me: "Diabetes."
Laura: "I'm so sorry to hear that. Have you considered getting your stomach stapled?"
SIGHHHHH. I know she wasn't trying to be hurtful, I know she wasn't poking me in my gut yelling FATFATFATTIEDIDYOUKNOWYOUREFAT but seriously, this is why I keep it to myself. I don't want people to ask me questions about "what I'm doing" and why, for right now, a lap band procedure is not for me. Let me tell you why it's not my choice:
1) My insurance covers it, but it's a $5000 copay!
2) I am terrified of anesthesia. I have fears of dying on the table.
3) I am slowly losing the weight through diet and exercise, and that doesn't cost me near as much as the copay.
I am so not against weight loss surgery. I really do understand why people do it, and kudos to them. I will not be judging anyone who chooses that route. And maybe someday I will, but for now, I don't want to think about it. So I work on my meal plan, and go on my walks, and dance in my kitchen, and pray to see results. Would any of you be offended by someone just straight up mentioning weight loss surgery to you? I'm trying not to be offended, but I suddenly felt like a tub of lard sitting next to her, a trim muscular woman in her upper 40s. It was hard to concentrate on the study of Ruth, which is such a beautiful account in the Bible.
Have a blessed day, peeps. I have a lot to do today because I have a meeting at the hospital tomorrow at 8am. I'm going to try and do as much work as I can today because my entire morning tomorrow will be in the meeting. This also means I have to leave tomorrow morning by about 6:50. My boys aren't even up that early, so I guess I'll be harrassing them by cell phone to get out of bed. Ah, the thrill of a working woman's life. Le sigh.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Health in General
I ignored my health for many years while caring for my children. It was wrong of me, yet I was blinded by my own youth and vitality. Now I'm getting older and slowing down a bit, and realizing I did myself wrong. I can't go back and redo those years, but I can change my habits now.
My doctor appointment yesterday was both awful and great. My blood sugars are fantastic; between my new diet and the medication I hate, Metformin, I've got it under control. Dr. V was quite proud of me. She also noted the weight loss, and was impressed. But my blood pressure...whoa, mama, it is not good at all. It was 158/119 and she said she was "that close" to admitting me to the hospital. I begged her not to, Mr. R isn't home and I have no one to care for the children. I was sitting at my desk, racking my brain trying to figure out why it's that high. Work has been extremely stressful lately. I have cried at my desk within the past week. I have teenagers. A husband who is loved, but absent. College. But I think the worst culprit of all has been my salt intake. Caloriecount.com has been such a great tool for me to figure out the salt content in foods. And believe me, I am shocked when I enter a food into the system and it has so much salt in it. Why so much? It's really just not necessary. I think I will very quickly be heading into the "bake everything from scratch" mode soon. It is so discouraging to be working this hard on the meal plan and being sabotaged by food that is supposedly good for me! I hit nearly 4000 mg of sodium yesterday in my plan, and it's not supposed to be above 2500; and only 1500 for someone with hypertension like me! No wonder my bp is through the roof. I guess it's time to stop eating canned soups and pre-made bread. I think I'm going to be spending my weekends kneading dough and making waffles. Definitely, time to get that KitchenAid mixer because I'm going to be a busy mama.
I want the red one, please. I'll be asking Mr. R to hook me up this Christmas, instead of replacing the diamond in my engagement ring. I'm practical like that.
Time for you guys to send me the links to your favorite homey, healthy recipes. Here are the rules: no white flour. Less than one cup of sugar for a batch; do not send me anything with Splenda, I am not touching that garbage. Needs to have a combination of protein (nuts or seeds is fine with me, I'm not allergic to any of those) and high quality carbs. I'm ok with anything that has a topping, because I'll just leave it off; like a streusel. Using fresh fruits and veggies is a bonus. Go!
My doctor appointment yesterday was both awful and great. My blood sugars are fantastic; between my new diet and the medication I hate, Metformin, I've got it under control. Dr. V was quite proud of me. She also noted the weight loss, and was impressed. But my blood pressure...whoa, mama, it is not good at all. It was 158/119 and she said she was "that close" to admitting me to the hospital. I begged her not to, Mr. R isn't home and I have no one to care for the children. I was sitting at my desk, racking my brain trying to figure out why it's that high. Work has been extremely stressful lately. I have cried at my desk within the past week. I have teenagers. A husband who is loved, but absent. College. But I think the worst culprit of all has been my salt intake. Caloriecount.com has been such a great tool for me to figure out the salt content in foods. And believe me, I am shocked when I enter a food into the system and it has so much salt in it. Why so much? It's really just not necessary. I think I will very quickly be heading into the "bake everything from scratch" mode soon. It is so discouraging to be working this hard on the meal plan and being sabotaged by food that is supposedly good for me! I hit nearly 4000 mg of sodium yesterday in my plan, and it's not supposed to be above 2500; and only 1500 for someone with hypertension like me! No wonder my bp is through the roof. I guess it's time to stop eating canned soups and pre-made bread. I think I'm going to be spending my weekends kneading dough and making waffles. Definitely, time to get that KitchenAid mixer because I'm going to be a busy mama.
Time for you guys to send me the links to your favorite homey, healthy recipes. Here are the rules: no white flour. Less than one cup of sugar for a batch; do not send me anything with Splenda, I am not touching that garbage. Needs to have a combination of protein (nuts or seeds is fine with me, I'm not allergic to any of those) and high quality carbs. I'm ok with anything that has a topping, because I'll just leave it off; like a streusel. Using fresh fruits and veggies is a bonus. Go!
Monday, October 18, 2010
I Get a Giggle When This Kind of Thing Happens
Oh peeps. We are completely flat broke. I mean, I have $21 in my banking account and that has to last me until Friday when Mr. R gets paid. And I have three kids who eat like it's their job. I know many people would say, but he owns his own business and you work full time...why don't you have money? Well, it has a lot to do with priorities; for example, Mr. R was home for the first time in a while about two weeks ago, and we both got paid. Instead of paying bills, we used that money to get stuff done around this house. Was it stupid? Perhaps. But I'm glad chores were completed after years of putting it off (I have finished floors after THREE YEARS!) and I don't regret that we put some other stuff aside in order to accomplish this. Except for now, when I'm flat broke and need to put fuel in my car.
I had a doctor appointment this morning. I had to put gas in my car. I decided, I'll put in 10 bucks and that will leave me $11 until he gets paid Friday. That's a gallon of milk, two loaves of bread and a prayer. It will have to do. You see, we don't have credit cards anymore. So if I don't have money in my bank account, then I just go without. It can be scary. This plan of not having credit requires one to be extremely diligent with their funds. And we just weren't last two weeks; we had both time and money at the same time, which is extremely rare. So we took a chance, and we're paying for it this week. Or, not paying for it, if you really think about it.
Anyway, I stopped at the gas station to get my $10 in fuel. I popped open the gas tank, and pulled my wallet out of my bag. My wallet fell, and a bunch of stuff fell out. I was annoyed. I bent down to pick up the cards and came across a card I had not seen in years; a Florida Hospital Credit Union debit card. I looked at it, and it expired on 12/11. Hmmm, I thought. I wonder if I have any money on here? I slid the card through the reader and it asked me for my pin. Like I'd remember; I didn't even remember having this card! I hit "credit" so I could avoid, the pin, and I couldn't believe it, but the card was approved!
I put $15 instead of $10 in my tank, and drove to my doctor appointment. But when I got home, I called the credit union; I seriously didn't know what I had tapped into. You see, I'm a member of the Christmas Club at work. I have money deducted from my check every period in order to help me out at Christmas. I was really hoping I hadn't tapped into my Christmas money, although $15 is not a terrible amount to take away.
Well, I hadn't. I completely forgot I had a savings account. I have money deducted from my check every week, and I thought it was Christmas money, but it was actually savings. So the $1500 I thought I had for Christmas is only $482, which made me sad. But I have $1100 in savings! So I still actually have $1582 in the bank, which I didn't even realize I had!
I made a transfer from savings to checking to cover my $15 so I wouldn't bounce the transaction. Found out I can take the $482 out on November 1 to go Christmas shopping (but I can take the $1100 whenever I want!)
I don't intend to spend the money in savings, since it really is Christmas money for the kids, but at least I know I can put gas in my car this week and not bounce a check. God is SO GOOD! Thank you, Lord, for making me forgetful so that my own planning can surprise and delight me!
I had a doctor appointment this morning. I had to put gas in my car. I decided, I'll put in 10 bucks and that will leave me $11 until he gets paid Friday. That's a gallon of milk, two loaves of bread and a prayer. It will have to do. You see, we don't have credit cards anymore. So if I don't have money in my bank account, then I just go without. It can be scary. This plan of not having credit requires one to be extremely diligent with their funds. And we just weren't last two weeks; we had both time and money at the same time, which is extremely rare. So we took a chance, and we're paying for it this week. Or, not paying for it, if you really think about it.
Anyway, I stopped at the gas station to get my $10 in fuel. I popped open the gas tank, and pulled my wallet out of my bag. My wallet fell, and a bunch of stuff fell out. I was annoyed. I bent down to pick up the cards and came across a card I had not seen in years; a Florida Hospital Credit Union debit card. I looked at it, and it expired on 12/11. Hmmm, I thought. I wonder if I have any money on here? I slid the card through the reader and it asked me for my pin. Like I'd remember; I didn't even remember having this card! I hit "credit" so I could avoid, the pin, and I couldn't believe it, but the card was approved!
I put $15 instead of $10 in my tank, and drove to my doctor appointment. But when I got home, I called the credit union; I seriously didn't know what I had tapped into. You see, I'm a member of the Christmas Club at work. I have money deducted from my check every period in order to help me out at Christmas. I was really hoping I hadn't tapped into my Christmas money, although $15 is not a terrible amount to take away.
Well, I hadn't. I completely forgot I had a savings account. I have money deducted from my check every week, and I thought it was Christmas money, but it was actually savings. So the $1500 I thought I had for Christmas is only $482, which made me sad. But I have $1100 in savings! So I still actually have $1582 in the bank, which I didn't even realize I had!
I made a transfer from savings to checking to cover my $15 so I wouldn't bounce the transaction. Found out I can take the $482 out on November 1 to go Christmas shopping (but I can take the $1100 whenever I want!)
I don't intend to spend the money in savings, since it really is Christmas money for the kids, but at least I know I can put gas in my car this week and not bounce a check. God is SO GOOD! Thank you, Lord, for making me forgetful so that my own planning can surprise and delight me!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
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| I was mid-sentence here. Ok, I love this top. Don't love it so much on me right now. I got it at Kohl's on clearance last year for...I think 6 bucks? My hair makes me want to cry. It's growing out, I'm trying to be patient, but GAH. I like the sleeves. It is so hard to find a nice tee with sleeves that go to the elbow. I think they're very flattering. I think this would be better if I got a decent foundation garment. All I'm wearing is a bra and a white tank top. |
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| Side profile kind of says it all, doesn't it. Back to the meal plan. The pants are WalMart, I got them for $16 and they have a liner that is supposed to make you skinny. Seriously, these are comfy like PJs. Oh, my shoes are purple but it's hard to tell because they're so dark. Anyway, I saw these pics and changed my outfit for church. I wasn't happy. |
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| Better, although I'm really glaring at Missy because she was being a complete snot this morning. Is it so difficult to take a few pics of your mom? I got this top at Goodwill a year ago for $2, and I wear it pretty consistently. I wish the sleeves were a bit longer. It's a thin material and I think I'll probably be wearing my long sleeved tees under it this winter if it ever gets cold. |
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| Yeah, I feel better in this one. Same pants from before. Red shoes instead. I super fluffy heart love these shoes. I got them from Zappos.com, they are a wide width wedge and I get compliments on them all the time. |
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| Dark purple pedi! |
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Stupid
Yaaaaay, I finally got to sleep in today! Well, 8:30 may not be sleeping in much, and I did have to get up at 4am because a kitty cat had a bad attitude, but I still got a solid 8-9 hours under my belt. I feel pretty good today. I finally woke up because Mr. R called me, and he was shocked that I was still in bed. I'm having a lazy cup of coffee and will make breakfast in a minute. My blood sugar was 111 this morning, which is on the excellent side. I used the bathroom, stripped off my pjs, and hopped on the scale.
259.
Another pound, lost. Bye bye.
This must be water weight or something. I seriously don't get the mechanics behind this. I'm eating constantly and have not been exercising. And I've lost 9 pounds now, in 6 days. I called Mr. R back, feeling stupid. "Do you think this is dangerous?" I asked him. "Nah," he said. "It's not like you're throwing up or doing one of those liquid juice diets. You're eating, you have energy. Just be grateful!" And I am, but can I share a funny little fear I have?
I'm scared to NOT to be plus sized.
I have been plus sized, since I got married. My first year of college, instead of the freshman 15, I saw the freshman 50. I was about 190 when I got married. My mom had to alter my wedding gown because I had put on so much weight that even with a girdle, I wasn't getting into it. At 190, I was wearing about a size 16. My wedding dress had been either a 12 or a 14 when I bought it six months before I got married. Whoops. So basically, my entire adult life, I have been a plus sized woman. As an adult, as a married woman, as a mother, I have only known being plus sized, and that's been for the past seventeen years. I was quite a bit smaller in high school. I was straight sized then, and honestly, I don't want to dress like I'm fourteen again. Not too many 35 year old women look great in skin tight acid washed ripped jeans and a Guns n Roses tee. In my mind, that is how I associate being smaller.
I kind of want to stay plus sized. I relate to plus sized women. I see celebrities on TV and shake my head when I see how bony they are, and wonder how that can possibly be healthy or sexy. I have no idea how to dress straight sized, as an adult. I've spent my entire adult life playing up my curves, doing my best to hide the lumpy tummy, getting used to buying wide width shoes, and just owning my plus sized self. Does losing weight mean I'm going to lose this part of my identity?
I'd like to get to this point:
Nigella Lawson. Pic from the London Evening Standard.
Crystal Renn from Glamour Magazine, I believe this is the May 2009 edition.
This type of body shape, is my ultimate goal. Not super thin, not bony. Strong, healthy, curvy. This is the plus size I want to be.
Will someone buy me that swimsuit? Goodness, I could use a new one!
Ok, like I said before, this is not a weight loss blog. Here are my plans for the day:
1) read Bible
2) drink coffee
3) clean my car
4) open up windows and doors to let fresh air in; it's only about 65-70 out there right now...bliss!
5) clean out my fridge and reorganize it. Something stinks in there. I'm afraid to find it.
6) drink more coffee
7) I have 5 bananas I didn't get to fast enough, so I think I'm making muffins later
8) play Uno with my kids
9) pluck my eyebrows. I should really have two of them, instead of them trying to meet in the middle!
Have an awesome day, friends!
259.
Another pound, lost. Bye bye.
This must be water weight or something. I seriously don't get the mechanics behind this. I'm eating constantly and have not been exercising. And I've lost 9 pounds now, in 6 days. I called Mr. R back, feeling stupid. "Do you think this is dangerous?" I asked him. "Nah," he said. "It's not like you're throwing up or doing one of those liquid juice diets. You're eating, you have energy. Just be grateful!" And I am, but can I share a funny little fear I have?
I'm scared to NOT to be plus sized.
I have been plus sized, since I got married. My first year of college, instead of the freshman 15, I saw the freshman 50. I was about 190 when I got married. My mom had to alter my wedding gown because I had put on so much weight that even with a girdle, I wasn't getting into it. At 190, I was wearing about a size 16. My wedding dress had been either a 12 or a 14 when I bought it six months before I got married. Whoops. So basically, my entire adult life, I have been a plus sized woman. As an adult, as a married woman, as a mother, I have only known being plus sized, and that's been for the past seventeen years. I was quite a bit smaller in high school. I was straight sized then, and honestly, I don't want to dress like I'm fourteen again. Not too many 35 year old women look great in skin tight acid washed ripped jeans and a Guns n Roses tee. In my mind, that is how I associate being smaller.
I kind of want to stay plus sized. I relate to plus sized women. I see celebrities on TV and shake my head when I see how bony they are, and wonder how that can possibly be healthy or sexy. I have no idea how to dress straight sized, as an adult. I've spent my entire adult life playing up my curves, doing my best to hide the lumpy tummy, getting used to buying wide width shoes, and just owning my plus sized self. Does losing weight mean I'm going to lose this part of my identity?
I'd like to get to this point:
This type of body shape, is my ultimate goal. Not super thin, not bony. Strong, healthy, curvy. This is the plus size I want to be.
Will someone buy me that swimsuit? Goodness, I could use a new one!
Ok, like I said before, this is not a weight loss blog. Here are my plans for the day:
1) read Bible
2) drink coffee
3) clean my car
4) open up windows and doors to let fresh air in; it's only about 65-70 out there right now...bliss!
5) clean out my fridge and reorganize it. Something stinks in there. I'm afraid to find it.
6) drink more coffee
7) I have 5 bananas I didn't get to fast enough, so I think I'm making muffins later
8) play Uno with my kids
9) pluck my eyebrows. I should really have two of them, instead of them trying to meet in the middle!
Have an awesome day, friends!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Meal Plan Specifics, and Few Pictures
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| This is my lunch today. One glass of Fruit Punch Crystal Light. 8 whole grain wheat thins. That yellow stuff on it, is exactly 1/2 ounce of sharp cheddar. Yes, I weighed it. Then I cut that into 8 tiny little squares and popped into microwave for 30 seconds, which was probably about 15 seconds too long. Lunch is a 100 calorie "everything" bagel thin, with 5 ounces of sliced chicken lunch meat, two slices of tomatoes, 4 romaine lettuce leaves, and the other half ounce of cheddar cheese. As you can plainly see, I am not starving by any means. |
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| Spring for digital. It's worth it. I got this for under $20 at Bed Bath Beyond. Just do it. |
Sarah is not a nutritionist by any means. In fact, she is a fat chick trying to figure out a way in this world to get healthy. Attempt this personal meal plan at your own risk, and don't sue me if you stop pooping, poop too much, your hair falls out or you get body odor. It's all on you.
Ok, since that is out of the way, this is the meal plan that a registered dietician at my hospital created specifically for me, my weight, my height, and my medical issues, which include type 2 diabetes and benign hypertension. This is not a plan for nursing or pregnant women.
Goal:
Calories: 2000 per day
Carbohydrates: 240 grams per day
Protein: 105 grams per day
Fat: 69 grams per day
Breakfast, 8am:
4 carbohydrates. 2 of these should be a starch, 2 of these should be a fruit.
2 protein/meat
1 fat
Ok, this is where measuring comes in. An English muffin, for example is about two servings of carbs. One serving of carbs is 15 grams. An English muffin, I believe, is 28 grams. So the starch would be done. Now, let's say you put peanut butter on the English muffin. One serving of protein is only 7 grams, not 15 like carbs. So two tablespoons of peanut butter is 8 grams, which is close enough. Use an actual tablespoon, and slide a knife across the top like you're measuring for baking. It is not a heaping tablespoon. You can either go heavy on the PB and make that four tablespoons, but two is really a lot of PB. I promise. Then take a banana, and yes you have to weigh it. Your banana choice will be the two fruit portions, depending on the size. A huge banana will need to be cut in half. For the other protein, you could grab a slice of lunch meat and just nibble on it. And for the fat, every morning I choose half and half for my coffee as the fat. That's just me; not everyone is a coffee drinker.
Lunch, 11:30 am:
3 carbohydrates. It says 3 of these should be starch. There is no fruit portion for lunch, which is fine by me.
1 vegetable
2 protein/meat
1 fat
Check out my lunch above. I fulfilled the plan quite well. My bagel thin was 2 carb choices. My 8 wheat thins were my other carb choice.
My vegetable was the sliced tomato. The lettuce is a free food and doesn't count toward the plan.
I weighed my lunch meat, 6 ounces is actually 2 protein servings, but I ran out of chicken, so 5 it was. My fat was the 1 ounce of cheese, which I divided between the wheat thins and my sandwich. The Crystal Light has no sugar, only 5 calories, and also doesn't count in the plan.
Snack, 3pm:
2 fruit
1 protein
This is where I'm having issues. I like fruit, but I don't want a slice of meat with my fruit for the protein. Icky. I did find a protein shake today which is flipping DELICIOUS but they're expensive. I've been eating applesauce cups, bananas, apple slices, and canteloupe for my fruit mostly this week.
Dinner, 5:30pm:
3 carbohydrates, again! 3 from starch, again.
3 vegetables
3 protein/meat
2 fat
Today's dinner may not be a great example. I made myself 10 chicken nuggets. Because they have breading, they count as both a carb and protein choice. It's actually 4 protein choices, and 2 starch. Then I made a salad. A ton of romaine and iceberg lettuce, a cup of chopped tomato, and 3 ounces of carrots is my salad (that's a lot of carrots; I feel like a bunny) with one ounce of Greek salad dressing is the fat. I'm actually short a carb right now, so I might grab some wheat thins in a bit, but I'm still trying to get through this monstrous salad.
It's really important to make sure you're not dipping and taking fats and proteins from other meals and applying it to other ones. All these things go together at the same time and work to stabilize blood sugar, in addition to my Metformin. I'm not going to say, I want something really fatty, so I'm going to eat all four fats at one time. Then your other meals will not have the appropriate balance and it won't work out. It is supposed to all work together, and darned if I'm not seeing the results.
Snack, 8pm: (I know! This seems like a lot of eating!)
2 carbs, 1 protein
This one has been fun for me. One cup of no fat or low fat ice cream/frozen yogurt, one ounce of chopped peanuts, almonds, pecans or walnuts. Hooray! Although last night mine was a peanut butter cup instead of my ice cream. No chocolate sauce or caramel or marshmallows though. Sorry!
So there you go. This plan has me eating every few hours, very balanced foods, and my blood sugar has been excellent, and I've lost 8 pounds in five days. Since October 11. I know I won't be losing 8 pounds every week, I'm sure I'll hit a plateau at some point and need to tweak things, but this is working great for me, and if you can apply it safely to your life, then enjoy!
This Cannot Be Normal
Not saying I'm scared, not even saying I'm worried, but my eyes pretty much popped out of my head when I stepped on the scale this morning at 430am (thanks, Roscoe. I just adore getting up an hour earlier than I need to.) 260. Another pound lost. I even got off the scale, shook the darned thing, put it back down, and hopped on again. Same.
My bra just doesn't fit anymore. The shoulders are loose. I have it on the tightest setting for the band on my back. I put jean capris on this morning and didn't need to lie down to zip them.
Clearly, this meal plan is making the difference for me. I even had a peanut butter cup last night, and finally bought some wheat thins as my whole grain snack instead of oyster cracks. I got the ones that have extra fiber in them. They were pretty tasty. I mean, they weren't cheesecake, but hey, yum yum anyway. Last night for dinner, I had an entire can of no sodium green beans (that was my 3 veggie serving choice) 5 oz of Tyson season steak strips (they look like dog food but taste pretty good!) and 1/2 tablespoon of butter for my fat. Put it all in one pan, and just let it heat through. The peanut butter cup was my carb. Frankly, I don't understand how someone with diabetes is supposed to eat so many carbs, but darned if it's not working. I feel great, my energy seems fine, and I bet my pcp is going to be shocked when I walk into her office on Monday and I get weighed.
Publix was out of pumpkin spice creamer! I got hazelnut instead. Oh well, at least I get a second cup of coffee now.
My bra just doesn't fit anymore. The shoulders are loose. I have it on the tightest setting for the band on my back. I put jean capris on this morning and didn't need to lie down to zip them.
Clearly, this meal plan is making the difference for me. I even had a peanut butter cup last night, and finally bought some wheat thins as my whole grain snack instead of oyster cracks. I got the ones that have extra fiber in them. They were pretty tasty. I mean, they weren't cheesecake, but hey, yum yum anyway. Last night for dinner, I had an entire can of no sodium green beans (that was my 3 veggie serving choice) 5 oz of Tyson season steak strips (they look like dog food but taste pretty good!) and 1/2 tablespoon of butter for my fat. Put it all in one pan, and just let it heat through. The peanut butter cup was my carb. Frankly, I don't understand how someone with diabetes is supposed to eat so many carbs, but darned if it's not working. I feel great, my energy seems fine, and I bet my pcp is going to be shocked when I walk into her office on Monday and I get weighed.
Publix was out of pumpkin spice creamer! I got hazelnut instead. Oh well, at least I get a second cup of coffee now.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
This is Not a Weight Loss Blog
Oh peeps. I feel like I should apologize. I've been so into my diabetes diagnosis and meal plan and carb counting and weighing my food by the 1/8 ounce. My blog doesn't have a particular theme; it's mostly just my life, my faith, my family and my thoughts. But if anyone has been bored recently, I'm sorry. I tend to do stuff like that; just throw myself into something new until it encompasses everything.
I have a daily calendar on my desk with Bible verses on it; it is not year specific, which means I can use it over and over again. I've had it for at least five years and I love it dearly. I wanted to quote today's verse for you:
Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? Luke 6:41.
Ooooh, this is a good one. I thought about that the other day when I was nitpicking at the kids not to leave stuff on the counter; right after I did the same thing myself. Sigh. I'm such a flawed person, and I prove it constantly. Oh, I wish I had more of a gentle spirit. I can be so judging at times and I really want to be more loving. Not that judging is a bad thing; but there is a fine line between judging and condemning and I tend to straddle it. Lord, please help me be a better person, in Your Name of course!
I have a bit of a...hmmm, dilemma is not quite the word, but I'm not sure elese what it is. I have no kids tonight. You heard me. The boys are going to a middle school lock down for the band, and Missy is spending the night at a friend's house. There is no school tomorrow in our county, it's a teacher workday. I have the entire night to myself, starting at 7pm! I wish Mr. R were here, but he is stuck up in Jersey "freezing" as he says it. (It was 48 there this morning. Uhhhh, ok.) I'm not sure what to do with myself! I do have some schoolwork to do, but I was thinking about driving to the bookstore, using their wifi, and having a cup of coffee and a cookie while I do my work. Sad, that's my "big night" out on the town, but I'm not rich and I'm not a party clubber by any means. Maybe I'll head to my library, that's closer anyway. But then I getz no cookiez! Now, I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow morning (ugh!) to pick up the boys by 6am at the middle school. Then I have to work my usual day Friday. So clearly, I won't be out all night. But what do you think? Have any cool ideas for me to do tonight on a child-free, husband-free evening?
In weight related news: Hahaha, you knew I was going there, right? Lost ANOTHER pound. Seriously, this is sick! I weigh myself every morning right after I potty (I'm telling you, I think I retain at least a pound or two overnight!) The nutritionist from FH called and I reported my weight loss to her, she was ecstatic for me. I love that they are calling to check up on me to see how I'm doing. So, as of this morning, weight is 261. Fasting blood sugar was 107. Height is still 5 foot 4. Dang that one...I give up.
I have a daily calendar on my desk with Bible verses on it; it is not year specific, which means I can use it over and over again. I've had it for at least five years and I love it dearly. I wanted to quote today's verse for you:
Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? Luke 6:41.
Ooooh, this is a good one. I thought about that the other day when I was nitpicking at the kids not to leave stuff on the counter; right after I did the same thing myself. Sigh. I'm such a flawed person, and I prove it constantly. Oh, I wish I had more of a gentle spirit. I can be so judging at times and I really want to be more loving. Not that judging is a bad thing; but there is a fine line between judging and condemning and I tend to straddle it. Lord, please help me be a better person, in Your Name of course!
I have a bit of a...hmmm, dilemma is not quite the word, but I'm not sure elese what it is. I have no kids tonight. You heard me. The boys are going to a middle school lock down for the band, and Missy is spending the night at a friend's house. There is no school tomorrow in our county, it's a teacher workday. I have the entire night to myself, starting at 7pm! I wish Mr. R were here, but he is stuck up in Jersey "freezing" as he says it. (It was 48 there this morning. Uhhhh, ok.) I'm not sure what to do with myself! I do have some schoolwork to do, but I was thinking about driving to the bookstore, using their wifi, and having a cup of coffee and a cookie while I do my work. Sad, that's my "big night" out on the town, but I'm not rich and I'm not a party clubber by any means. Maybe I'll head to my library, that's closer anyway. But then I getz no cookiez! Now, I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow morning (ugh!) to pick up the boys by 6am at the middle school. Then I have to work my usual day Friday. So clearly, I won't be out all night. But what do you think? Have any cool ideas for me to do tonight on a child-free, husband-free evening?
In weight related news: Hahaha, you knew I was going there, right? Lost ANOTHER pound. Seriously, this is sick! I weigh myself every morning right after I potty (I'm telling you, I think I retain at least a pound or two overnight!) The nutritionist from FH called and I reported my weight loss to her, she was ecstatic for me. I love that they are calling to check up on me to see how I'm doing. So, as of this morning, weight is 261. Fasting blood sugar was 107. Height is still 5 foot 4. Dang that one...I give up.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
It's Paying Off!
Fasting Blood Sugar this morning: 102. Weight: 262. Total weight loss since June: 14 pounds! Height: Still 5 foot 4. What, a girl can dream, right? Tee hee....
A fasting blood sugar of 102 is excellent. In order to receive a type 2 diabetes diagnosis, one must have a fasting blood sugar of 126 or more at least twice in a certain period of time (I believe it's a month, but not quite sure about that one.)
I'm doing great on my diabetes meal plan, and haven't incorporated much exercise unless you count the constant house chores I need to do. Today I'll be doing laundry. Hoping I can sneak in a walk on my lunch break. I rode my bike on Monday and the handlebars broke on me, sending me flying into a grassy patch. Now that bike makes me nervous.
I'm feeling great, but I still miss my second cup of coffee in the morning. Haven't been out to get any non dairy creamer yet. Erin keeps talking about her pumpkin spice creamer, making me all jealous and stuff! ;) Love you, Erin!
Well, I have another busy day here at the hospital, and my boys are still not out of bed, so away I go...
A fasting blood sugar of 102 is excellent. In order to receive a type 2 diabetes diagnosis, one must have a fasting blood sugar of 126 or more at least twice in a certain period of time (I believe it's a month, but not quite sure about that one.)
I'm doing great on my diabetes meal plan, and haven't incorporated much exercise unless you count the constant house chores I need to do. Today I'll be doing laundry. Hoping I can sneak in a walk on my lunch break. I rode my bike on Monday and the handlebars broke on me, sending me flying into a grassy patch. Now that bike makes me nervous.
I'm feeling great, but I still miss my second cup of coffee in the morning. Haven't been out to get any non dairy creamer yet. Erin keeps talking about her pumpkin spice creamer, making me all jealous and stuff! ;) Love you, Erin!
Well, I have another busy day here at the hospital, and my boys are still not out of bed, so away I go...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Well, Butter My Butt And Call Me A Biscuit
I lost four pounds. In one day. Eating nearly 2200 calories. Like I said before, our bodies can be so odd!
Unfortunately, I still feel really full right now and the idea of eating breakfast is not appealing. Although as a diabetic, I shouldn't go more than 10-12 hours without eating, and I'm at the ten hour mark.
For my four breakfast carbs, I think I'm going to make oatmeal, and cut up an apple right into it. That should be all four right there. Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon (not sugar) on top. My coffee with half and half is my fat. Still wondering about the protein. Maybe I'll fry up a few pieces of bacon. I think two is one protein, I'll have to research that.
Oooh, I received an unexpected compliment from my mom yesterday! She came over to drop off some stuff and show me her vacation photos. There is a picture of me and Nicola on my fridge from February/March. I hung it up on the fridge, but I hate the photo; I look awful and really fat and tired. I was standing in the hallway and my mom gasped and said, "You can tell you're losing weight just from this picture. You're losing it in your face!" That thrilled me to no end because I am pretty over fat face.
Unfortunately, I still feel really full right now and the idea of eating breakfast is not appealing. Although as a diabetic, I shouldn't go more than 10-12 hours without eating, and I'm at the ten hour mark.
For my four breakfast carbs, I think I'm going to make oatmeal, and cut up an apple right into it. That should be all four right there. Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon (not sugar) on top. My coffee with half and half is my fat. Still wondering about the protein. Maybe I'll fry up a few pieces of bacon. I think two is one protein, I'll have to research that.
Oooh, I received an unexpected compliment from my mom yesterday! She came over to drop off some stuff and show me her vacation photos. There is a picture of me and Nicola on my fridge from February/March. I hung it up on the fridge, but I hate the photo; I look awful and really fat and tired. I was standing in the hallway and my mom gasped and said, "You can tell you're losing weight just from this picture. You're losing it in your face!" That thrilled me to no end because I am pretty over fat face.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Right Now, I am SICK TO DEATH of Food!
Ugh. I'm full, full, full, and I'm supposed to eat another snack in an hour and a full dinner by 6pm. And then another snack by 8pm. I had to beg the nutritionist not to give me 3 snacks when she did my meal plan. She was worried...get this...that I was not EATING ENOUGH! I'm a size 18/20 100lb. overweight woman, and she thought I was not eating enough! At first I was like, cool, I get 2000 calories a day. Now I'm wondering how the heck I'm going to cram it in. I wonder if I'll actually lose weight. How funny our bodies are!
Here's what I've to eat today:
1 English muffin, whole grain. (that's 2 carb choices. I'm supposed to have 4 carb choices at breakfast.)
1 banana. (that's 2 fruit choices, one fruit choice would be half a banana. And yes, I weighed my banana. I love my digital food scale!)
1 cup of coffee with 2 tbsp. of half n half. (that's my 1 fat choice for the breakfast. So I guess I'm only having one cup of coffee because skim milk in coffee is foul.)
2 tbsp of peanut butter which I spread on the English muffin. (that's 1 protein, and I was supposed to have two.)
Frankly, I'd rather have an extra cup of coffee and skip that protein. But I guess that's why I'm in the state that I'm in, no?
Lunch:
Boston bibb lettuce salad, and half of an enormous tomato. (that's equal to only 1 vegetable choice, because lettuce is "free.")
1 oz of sunflower seeds on the salad was my "fat" for the meal.
3 oz of chopped up steak was my protein. Again, I gypped myself on the protein. I simply didn't want any more meat.
44 oyster crackers were 2 carb choices, but I was supposed to have three. I just didn't want anymore.
I'm supposed to have a snack in 40 minutes. 2 fruit, 1 protein. I bought those V8 fusion drinks. I might have that with a piece of rolled up lunch meat.
And dinner by 6!
Ugh. Roll me down the street, I'm huge!
**update**
Drank the V8 fusion drink for snack. It is the blueberry pomegranate and it was pretty yummy. And since it wasn't actual food, I was able to drink it. I have a feeling that I'll be buying lots of these.
Also had 2oz of lean roast beef to make up for the lack of protein from lunch. I'm still really, really full. And I'm supposed to have dinner by 6pm, which is only 2 hours from now.
Here's what I've to eat today:
1 English muffin, whole grain. (that's 2 carb choices. I'm supposed to have 4 carb choices at breakfast.)
1 banana. (that's 2 fruit choices, one fruit choice would be half a banana. And yes, I weighed my banana. I love my digital food scale!)
1 cup of coffee with 2 tbsp. of half n half. (that's my 1 fat choice for the breakfast. So I guess I'm only having one cup of coffee because skim milk in coffee is foul.)
2 tbsp of peanut butter which I spread on the English muffin. (that's 1 protein, and I was supposed to have two.)
Frankly, I'd rather have an extra cup of coffee and skip that protein. But I guess that's why I'm in the state that I'm in, no?
Lunch:
Boston bibb lettuce salad, and half of an enormous tomato. (that's equal to only 1 vegetable choice, because lettuce is "free.")
1 oz of sunflower seeds on the salad was my "fat" for the meal.
3 oz of chopped up steak was my protein. Again, I gypped myself on the protein. I simply didn't want any more meat.
44 oyster crackers were 2 carb choices, but I was supposed to have three. I just didn't want anymore.
I'm supposed to have a snack in 40 minutes. 2 fruit, 1 protein. I bought those V8 fusion drinks. I might have that with a piece of rolled up lunch meat.
And dinner by 6!
Ugh. Roll me down the street, I'm huge!
**update**
Drank the V8 fusion drink for snack. It is the blueberry pomegranate and it was pretty yummy. And since it wasn't actual food, I was able to drink it. I have a feeling that I'll be buying lots of these.
Also had 2oz of lean roast beef to make up for the lack of protein from lunch. I'm still really, really full. And I'm supposed to have dinner by 6pm, which is only 2 hours from now.
Following My Diabetes Meal Plan
Last Wednesday, I had the pleasure to attend a diabetes information class at Florida Hospital in Orlando. It was so informative. My brain hurt when I left and I'm pretty sure I was drooling, but it was worth it to me to use one of my last vacation days of the year to attend the class.
I admit, I'm still confused. I'm still not sure why diabetics are supposed to eat so many carbs. I had a registered dietician make a plan specifically for me; today is my first day following it. I had a bigger breakfast than I'm used to, and I didn't even eat the entire thing. In fact, I still have an entire fruit serving I need to get in before lunch. And they took away my two servings of half n half in the morning; now I only get one. I don't know if I'm going to go down to only cup of coffee a day, or just find a no-fat dairy creamer to replace it.
I also need to test my blood sugar four times a day. That's a lot of sticks. My fingers are going to be killing me. My fasting blood sugar this morning was 108 which is quite low for me, and that's good. I am truly hoping to be able to get off this awful metformin (it gives me the worst diarrhea ever, so sorry if that's TMI) and control this thing with only diet and exercise.
My weight is back up to 266, but that's still ten pounds less than when I started my journey back in June. I intended to be at the gym on my lunch break today, but my mom just decided to pop over, so now I'm guessing I'll just ride my bike around the block a few times instead. My kids haven't been to the gym in weeks, if not months, so I'm going to start Monday and Thursday night workouts at the Y with them. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are church nights for us.
I'm hoping to be at 250 by Christmas. It's a small goal, but doable I think with this plan and working out, too.
I admit, I'm still confused. I'm still not sure why diabetics are supposed to eat so many carbs. I had a registered dietician make a plan specifically for me; today is my first day following it. I had a bigger breakfast than I'm used to, and I didn't even eat the entire thing. In fact, I still have an entire fruit serving I need to get in before lunch. And they took away my two servings of half n half in the morning; now I only get one. I don't know if I'm going to go down to only cup of coffee a day, or just find a no-fat dairy creamer to replace it.
I also need to test my blood sugar four times a day. That's a lot of sticks. My fingers are going to be killing me. My fasting blood sugar this morning was 108 which is quite low for me, and that's good. I am truly hoping to be able to get off this awful metformin (it gives me the worst diarrhea ever, so sorry if that's TMI) and control this thing with only diet and exercise.
My weight is back up to 266, but that's still ten pounds less than when I started my journey back in June. I intended to be at the gym on my lunch break today, but my mom just decided to pop over, so now I'm guessing I'll just ride my bike around the block a few times instead. My kids haven't been to the gym in weeks, if not months, so I'm going to start Monday and Thursday night workouts at the Y with them. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are church nights for us.
I'm hoping to be at 250 by Christmas. It's a small goal, but doable I think with this plan and working out, too.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Couponing Basics
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| I hadn't clipped coupons in three weeks. What can I say, I'm busy! |
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| My new binder. My old one died on me. It has gone to the happy recycling bin in the sky. |
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| Need hot drink to organize coupons. |
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| I could only find old kiddie scissors. Sounds about right, doesn't it? |
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| I totally need to save $2 on condoms! Oooh, it's the vibrating ones! SIGN ME UP. |
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| That is a huge pile of coupons to sort. |
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| Goodbye, rest of paper. Into the recycling bin you go. |
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| Good haul. I saved $90.40 using my Winn-Dixie reward card and coupons. My total bill was $184.00. I did great today! |
Thursday, October 7, 2010
My Perspective is Slowly Changing
I'm writing this post expecting some backlash. After all, for the past three-four years of this blog (I think I started in 2007?) I've consistently praised women at home with their children. And I still do. Believe me; I truly am of the concept that when a woman marries and has children, it is her duty to be at home with them as much as possible. I do not like daycares, I do not like nannies, and I fully enjoyed my time being home with my kiddos. I've fulfilled that concept, even when it seemed foolish by society's standards and it hurt us financially. My children needed me...notice that I said NEEDED.
Do they still need me? Of course they do! But as they've grown older, those needs have changed. I'm seeing the twilight of their childhood years. They are discussing college, and "when I have my own house" and cars and jobs. It makes me smile. But I also see the door closing, the door of constantly needing me. I have called Mr. R several times while he's on the road, telling him I feel like nothing but a wallet and a fridge. And a ride somewhere. I've done most of the dirty work of parenting. It's been a joy, an exhausting joy. I love my kids SO MUCH IT HURTS.
So where am I going with this? Mr. R was home for an entire week, unplanned. It was so lovely it almost wasn't right. We had real dinners, and took walks after dinner, and my house is clean because he always helped. We also repainted our living room, redid portions of the floor, and ordered a new sofa which is going to be here on Friday! (yes, that's tomorrow. Woot!) We snuggled in bed together at night after the kids went to bed, watched movies together, and tried to catch up on sex but that's difficult to do once you hit your mid 30s (hahahahaha!) and we talked and did dishes together and cooked together and he even helped me with my speech. But I realized during this week; my kids still need me, and they need their dad here even more. This trucking thing just blows like a candle in a hurricane. Mr. R is leaving tonight for Michigan, and you'd think I'd be ok with this after having him home for a week; in reality, I am ticked off beyond belief. I want my husband HOME. I'm sick of sharing him with that truck. I'm a jealous wife. I want my husband home with me, in my bed, in our home, with our children, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
That's why I'm telling you guys here, right now, that when I graduate from Herzing University in April, I do plan to revamp my resume and look for another job inside the hospital. I want to make more money so Mr. R can afford to come off the road permanently. And if that means leaving my cozy home during the day, then so be it. We deserve to be a family together; I realize we don't even have many more years left to do this, which gives me even more of an impetus to get my act together. We're also working on Mr. R's resume so he might be able to find something local.
Next year, in 2011, Missy will be 16. Tiger will be 14, and Bucket will be 13. I don't want Mr. R to miss any more. God willing, Mr. R. will be coming home for good, hopefully by next summer. Go ahead and let me have it; I am backtracking on my be-at-home stand. But you know what, I walked the walk and talked the talk for many years. I still believe it's the right thing to do, especially when your children are small. But I also believe that circumstances are different for every family, and that my family needs both parents at home, and not just me.
Do they still need me? Of course they do! But as they've grown older, those needs have changed. I'm seeing the twilight of their childhood years. They are discussing college, and "when I have my own house" and cars and jobs. It makes me smile. But I also see the door closing, the door of constantly needing me. I have called Mr. R several times while he's on the road, telling him I feel like nothing but a wallet and a fridge. And a ride somewhere. I've done most of the dirty work of parenting. It's been a joy, an exhausting joy. I love my kids SO MUCH IT HURTS.
So where am I going with this? Mr. R was home for an entire week, unplanned. It was so lovely it almost wasn't right. We had real dinners, and took walks after dinner, and my house is clean because he always helped. We also repainted our living room, redid portions of the floor, and ordered a new sofa which is going to be here on Friday! (yes, that's tomorrow. Woot!) We snuggled in bed together at night after the kids went to bed, watched movies together, and tried to catch up on sex but that's difficult to do once you hit your mid 30s (hahahahaha!) and we talked and did dishes together and cooked together and he even helped me with my speech. But I realized during this week; my kids still need me, and they need their dad here even more. This trucking thing just blows like a candle in a hurricane. Mr. R is leaving tonight for Michigan, and you'd think I'd be ok with this after having him home for a week; in reality, I am ticked off beyond belief. I want my husband HOME. I'm sick of sharing him with that truck. I'm a jealous wife. I want my husband home with me, in my bed, in our home, with our children, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
That's why I'm telling you guys here, right now, that when I graduate from Herzing University in April, I do plan to revamp my resume and look for another job inside the hospital. I want to make more money so Mr. R can afford to come off the road permanently. And if that means leaving my cozy home during the day, then so be it. We deserve to be a family together; I realize we don't even have many more years left to do this, which gives me even more of an impetus to get my act together. We're also working on Mr. R's resume so he might be able to find something local.
Next year, in 2011, Missy will be 16. Tiger will be 14, and Bucket will be 13. I don't want Mr. R to miss any more. God willing, Mr. R. will be coming home for good, hopefully by next summer. Go ahead and let me have it; I am backtracking on my be-at-home stand. But you know what, I walked the walk and talked the talk for many years. I still believe it's the right thing to do, especially when your children are small. But I also believe that circumstances are different for every family, and that my family needs both parents at home, and not just me.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Self Portraits
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| The sunlight is giving me a red tinge. Both of my grandmothers were redheads, so it pleases me immensely. I never met my paternal grandmother; she died when my mom was about 3 months pregnant with me. I'm named after her. I hated my name when I was younger because I always wanted a nickname. But Sarah is perfect for me now. It's a very grown up lady name. My maternal grandmother passed away when I was 18, my first month of college away from home. Her name was Josephine. I'm very glad I was named after Sarah. :D |
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| I can never look the right way when I'm talking self portraits. I look so silly! |
Monday, October 4, 2010
Have You Ever Wondered What I Sound Like?
Well, here is your chance, peeps. I'm sending you the youtube link to see my speech for school. This is me in my home, with my family and friends, talking about autism. The real Sarah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=angvedEX3IA
Be gentle with me, peeps. I'm not a professional speaker.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=angvedEX3IA
Be gentle with me, peeps. I'm not a professional speaker.
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