This Loser Goes to Bed Early

Last night, I couldn't fall asleep until 2am.  Which NEVER happens to me.  I am probably one of the best sleepers ever.  I love my bed, my pillows, my blankets.  But I couldn't stop thinking.  Does that ever happen to you?

I thought about my upcoming speech for school, about my approach, about research, about power point presentations, about my hair, about why I wasn't sleeping.  I dared not turn on the TV because I knew I'd be up.  And as soon as I fell asleep, my fax went off at 4am, waking me up again.  Then I fell asleep again around 5, and Missy woke me up at 5:30 by turning on the kitchen light.  Sigh.  I'm pooped.

I went back on Atkins again today.  I missed it.  I need some better snacks though.  Research, research.

Anyway, you guys have all been pretty quiet this week.  How are you doing?  Anything interesting?

Green, But Not With Envy

This is a dress I've had...I think about two or three years.  I've worn it to church many times, and to lot of department meetings.  Well, it is now TOO BIG.  And even though I'm happy to be losing some weight, I sniffled a bit over losing this dress.  I adore the ruching, and the ruffled neckline, and the knee length, plus the COLOR.  I am a sucker for emerald.  Most greens are either lime, or forest, or olive.  It took me forever to find an emerald.  I was born in May, and that is my birthstone, and truly one of my favorite colors.  Not too easy to find though.  I may have to beg my mom to help me alter this dress.  After seeing the pictures, it is clear to me that I need to take in the waist by several inches, and possibly the shoulders too.  What do you think?

Side profiles make me sad at this point.  I hate my arm fat. And my gut is unreal.   But I'm honest; this is what I am.

You can tell it's too big.  It's almost shapeless on me at this point.  And I was not having a good hair morning.

See how much better it is when I pull in the sides?  I've got nearly a handful of fabric on each hip I'm pulling in.  Not only that, but I used to be able to wear this dress without a cami, but because the top is too loose now, it was a bit too breasty for church.  So I had to wear a tank underneath.

O'Malley wanted to know what I was doing.  Notice my serious model face.  I'm working it.  lololol

Good color, but outgrown.  The pictures have made up my mind.

Outfit:  Green dress, bought from eBay.  I think I spent $15 on it.
Brown tank: Target, maybe $5.
Silvertone earrings: $5 for a pack of six cheap earrings which hurt my ears, WalMart.
Shoes: Merona for Target, on sale for $6.48.  I wear these shoes constantly when I can't figure out which shoe to wear because they're nude and go with everything.

Oh Hair. You Were So Beautiful.

I found this picture of me from about a year ago.  That's me and my cat, Buck.
I know there is a little girl out there with a great weave thanks to my hair, but I sure do miss it.  Look at how silky smooth it is.  I really do grow some gorgeous hair.  I may not be pretty or thin, but I got the hair.  Or, I did.  I will have it again.

My desk is in a different spot in the house now.  And I have a new chair, too.  Funny how things change around a house.

New Favorite Dress

I had to drive into work today for two meetings.  And I managed to stay awake for both.  The first one was actually very informative and left me feeling like I actually did something.  The second had Boston Market and a goodbye cake for a coworker who is moving to a new department.  I think we talked about issues but all I did was eat chicken and nod a lot.  Good meeting.

Wanna see some pictures?

I read http://www.mywardrobetoday.com/  a lot.  As in, it is probably one of my favorite blogs to read.  Politically, we don't have much in common.  But besides, that, wow.  We are both plus sized (well, she is getting smaller on WW) both brunettes, both married our high school sweetheart, but had a daughter first, and both work full time.  We both also graduated high school in 93 (she wrote that on her blog at one point) so we're both 35 now.  We were both raised in households that did both Jewish and Christian holidays, too.  I mean, how odd is that?  But anyway.  Check out her blog, she's funny and real and I'm sure we'd be friends IRL.  But I mention her because I bought the below dress based on her love of Maggy London dresses for the full figured woman.

Ok, I asked Tiger to take my picture this morning.  They did not turn out great.  So I'm trying to take my picture now after I'm tired and makeup is gone.  But the dress...I got it based on Allie recommending Maggy London dresses for her figure.  It looked great on her, I bought one, and kazaam.  New favorite.

Yes.  Just admit it Sarah.  You need spanx for that gut.

So this is when I was being silly and Tiger said, "Really Mom?  You're too old to play fashion model."  Sniffffffff.

I actually really like this picture.  The hair is growing so fast I don't know what to do.  I need pictures like to remind me that I'm pretty while the hair is doing it's own thing.

Long, yet satisfying day at work.  But relieved to be back at home tomorrow.

Clothing:  brown and cream swirly Maggy London dress.  eBay, $19.99 plus shipping.
Shoes you can't see:  nude Target, $6.98
earrings: goldtone hoops $5 for a pack of 6 pairs of earrings.
Makeup: MaryKay.

I'm Glad I'm Not a Podiatrist

I don't understand why anyone would want to be a podiatrist.  Or a colon-rectal surgeon, for that matter.  I mean, who gets up one day and says, "I'd like to look at diarrhea for next forty years.  Yep!  That's the job for me."  Uhhh, NOT ME.

Anyway, I was thinking that as I went to my first podiatrist appointment EVER.  Now that I'm a diabetic, I need to take good care of my feets, right?  Well, I don't have a foot fetish by any means, but I like taking care of my feet.  I like pedicures, and I regularly massage and lotion my feet up.  Plus I like nail polish and I've never even had an ingrown toenail.   I do get dry skin on my heels, but I get those callus shavers and take them off.  Well, and that is part of the problem that I had over the weekend.  I was doing the callus shaver thing and sliced skin off my big toe that I didn't intend to do.  And it hurt.  Oh, and I bled like crazy.  It was like a murder scene in my bathroom.  I wrapped it up and applied pressure and now I need to replace my bath mats.  Yes, it was that bad.  So I limped into the podiatrist's office.  And it felt very, very weird to have this man messing with my feet.  I don't like it when I'm getting a pedicure and it's a man...for some reason I find it too intimate and I'm super uncomfortable with some random guy touching my feet. 

Clean bill of health!  The cut on my toe is healing, my skin looked great.  No nerve damage, no issues at all.  He said they looked great; and I'm guessing he must have seen a lot of icky feet that day, so I'll take him at his word.  Ha, and I wore these flip flops today, too.  Gotta love em.

Frivolous

I can't stop thinking about my hair.

Literally.  It is driving me nuts.  Too short to put up in a bun or ponytail, too bushy to tame.  I just walk around with my brunette bushy 'fro.  I feel like I'm too old for headbands and cutesy barrettes.  Most hair products make my scalp itch and then I end up with massive dandruff.  The bangs are long enough that they get in my eyes, but too short to pull back without a million pins,  And then they puff out of the pins anyway.

The worst part is, is that I have a major "hot-shot" meeting at work on Wednesday.  I will literally be "at work" all day.  Upper management will be there.  Power point slides with bad music will be shown.  Copious amounts of coffee will be inhaled.  I don't want to look unprofessional.  I can't show up at a meeting wearing a blazer, skirt, heels, and butterfly barrettes in my hair.  I don't know what to do!

So peeps, you can tell me what to do.  Should I:

a) Leave it alone.  No one will notice the unfortunate hair.  Make sure it's well conditioned and wear nice clothes, make-up and jewelry and people will think my hair is a choice, and not a mistake.

b) Get thee a trim now!  Even though I now have an illogical fear of scissors, it's the only way to make growing out hair look graceful and not like a trainwreck. 

I am personally leaning towards B.  I still like the idea of short hair, but I'm not sure how to take care of it.  I'm lost!

I Fall, But I Get Up Again

My sinus infection threw me for a loop.  I went back to comfort foods and gained back about 5 pounds.  Despite the set-back, I am actually glad this happened!  Why?  Because I know that low-carb really does work for me.  I didn't plan to experiment with my diet this week.  But it happened and the results opened my eyes.  I need the exercise, and I need the low carb plan.

I bought three Stay-fit salad bowls so I can pre-make my salads in advance on those days when I'm super busy, or sick, or lazy.

 My nerdiness adores this.  I'll probably go back and get three more so I'm set for a week of salads at a time.  I think mine were $7 each at WalMart.  Being prepared for meals is so important to me.  I'm a very busy person and I tend to reach for garbage when I'm hungry and don't have anything on hand.  The center green part has freezer gel inside to keep everything nice and crispy cold.  Yum!

Now all I need to figure out are hearty breakfasts that I can heat up in the mornings instead of cooking every morning.  Dinners are pretty easy, either I or Missy cook every night.  And I just skip the starch.

So I bought a new vegetable (for me) at the produce stand today.  It is this:

Butternut squash!  I've never made this before in my life.  The center looks like a pumpkin, doesn't it? 
I've seen my favorite TV Food Network cook Ina Garten roast these.  I adore roasted vegetables, so I figured, why not?

 

She is so fab.  I love her show!  But my goodness she's not very diabetic friendly.  That's ok, I can watch and learn and take what I need from her show, and ignore all the pastries.  Mmmm, pastries.

So there you have it! Sarah is back in action after a week of illness.  Life happens.  I fall, and then I get back up again. 

I Haz the Icky-Pooh

Give me time to recoup, peeps.  As soon as Mr. R rolled into town, I managed to come up with a doozy of a sinus infection.  Which means I didn't cook, , didn't exercise, ate comfort food and gained back five pounds.  Yeah.  I feel and look like crap.  As soon as I'm back in action, I will be posting pics again and get back on my low-carb lifestyle.  And also, I need to pre-cook stuff in advance for events like illness.  I am too busy of a woman to cook three times a day anyway.

I'm Glad I Wore Jeans

I do not normally wear jeans to church, and for the life of me, couldn't figure out why I did it today.  I think it might be because I can finally fit in them.  Anyway, I am a volunteer in the autism ministry at our church, and this is my month where I hang out with my special buddy.  Well, today she told me that she was too old for a Bible buddy and could do it on her own from now on.  It was bittersweet,  I've learned to love this girl to pieces.  I gave her a great big hug and told her that we were still friends, and she could hang out with me whenever she needed a grown up friend.  Then we high-fived and she went on her merry way.  Sniff.  This is the point of the program.  I helped her when she needed it, and now she's independent and more mature.  What a great girl.  I'm going to miss hanging out with her on Sundays.  Anyway, as I was "dismissed" I hung around and discovered that we have a new 4 or 5 year old boy with autism; and his is quite a bit more intense that the girl I just worked with.  He is super adorable.  He does the whole hand flapping, tip-toe walking, echolalia thing.  I guess this is why God let me wear jeans today; he was hanging on my leg the entire time, and even tackled me when I was sitting on the floor during story-time.  I would have flashed the whole class if I'd been wearing a dress or skirt.  I don't know if I'm going to end up being his helper; I am thinking about cruising on over to the middle/high school area and seeing if I'm needed over there. 

I was glaring at Missy because she was being a snot this morning.  Please excuse my motherdeathstare.

Missy told me, "You can tell you ate pizza last night."  Ugh.  Tis true.  I basically told Atkins to go to heck, and I had pizza and coke and ice cream last night.  I am sorry I did it...I actually don't feel very good today.  I'm making meatloaf, garlic mashed potatoes and roasted parmesan broccoli tonight.  Even meatloaf has carbs because you have to use bread crumbs to bind it together.  Ummm...just a thought here; do I need a better bra?  I am thinking I'm a bit droopy here.

The hair is growing quickly.  This top has been loved to death.  It used to be a mealy khaki color.  I dyed it pink.  It came with a dark purple sash, which I'm wearing.

 

 

 

 

Outfit: Top: Kiyonna.  It used to be khaki, I dyed it.  Probably $40, about three years ago.  Came with the dark purple sash.
Tank top: Faded Glory, WalMart.  $2, bought it just a few weeks ago.  It is white, pink and purple stripes.
Earrings: silvertone hoops, WalMart.  A package of six for $5 I think.  I tend to lose earrings so I don't like spending tons of money on them.
Necklace: black/blue/purple beads.  Sanford Flea Market, $4.
Jeans: Svoboda, from eBay.  $38 if I remember correctly.
Shoes: Payless.

In other news; a church family member who I hadn't seen in about a month shrieked when she saw me and said, "Have you lost weight!  You look amazing!"  I have not made my diabetes diagnosis and weight loss plan public news, so this was really encouraging. 

The Day From Hell

I normally like Fridays.  Weekend, pizza (well, I don't eat pizza anymore, but I don't have to cook) sleeping in on Saturday.  Good times.  Today wanted to slap that idea right out of my head.  My son's school called me twice today to basically tell me how evil he is (and he really was being a truly rotten kid.)  I found out that all three of my kiddos are failing at least one class; and it's only the third week of school.  Bucket had detention today for being rude to a teacher.  I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.  I feel like I have completely failed as a mother.  My kids are arrogant, rude, nasty, and disrespectful.  I wonder how they learned this; I am certain it was not me, but doubt lingers in my mind.  Blaming my husband makes no sense, as he's not even here; this is clearly my doing.  I sat in my room, and wondered how I managed to screw it all up.  I chose a work at home job.  I bring them to church.  I take them to the library, and read to them when they were little, and kissed their boo-boos and taught them how to pray.  Is this the time when all of my work is basically complete, and I get to watch them falter into the world?  Is it true that for the teenage years, it really is my job to just feed, clothe and house them; that the actual work of training them is done?  If so, then I'm releasing three nutcases onto the world.  They have very little work ethic unless threatened; a sense of entitlement; disrespect for elders; and a callous nature toward others.  I look at them and wish I could redo certain things, but I'm not even sure what. 

I used to think that the best thing in the world I ever did was be a mother, but I don't think so anymore.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Check It Out!

I got a spare!

What...is...this?  Could it possibly be JEANS THAT FIT?

For the first time in over a year, my favorite jeans fit me.  I still had to lie on the bed to zip them, but that is because the zipper sticks.  I have no chub rub (that's when your thighs rub against the fabric and you get a rash) and I didn't pop the top button all day. 

Top: Goodwill, $3.
Jeans: Svoboda, size 20.  Ebay for $38 I think?  I love these jeans, they are the only pair I own except for some crappy ones that I wear when I'm outside gardening.
Yes, my butt is huge.  I'm already aware.  But it's higher and tighter than usual!  :D

Thirteen Down, About Ninety To Go

I started at 276 in June.
I'm at 263 today.

13 pounds gone.  7 just in the last week.  Ok, clearly the Atkins type diet is working for me.  Although I can honestly say I am SICK OF MEAT right now.  I'm brewing coffee right now, and trying to figure out what to make for breakfast.  Eggs again, I guess.  I am really kind of sick of eggs.  I want toast with jelly in the worst possible way.  But with results like this, I will scramble another darned egg.  I did treat myself a bit, I bought canteloupe.  It has natural sugars in it, which is not carb-free, but if I don't get a little something on the sweeter side, I'm afraid I will binge on bagels and pour white sugar directly down my gullet. 

I did discover something interesting.  I definitely WAS addicted to sugar.  My body was reacting to my getting rid of the sugary foods when I tried Atkins.  For the first three days, I actually had the shakes (not milkshakes, I mean my body was shaking) and headaches.  And here I am thinking that I was not a sweets kind of girl; I generally chose chips over candy.  But those chips are loaded with sugars you don't even see.  It was an interesting experiment to say the least. 

I've learned that I really don't eat enough vegetables.  And definitely not enough fruit.  I miss bread, but I don't think I'll be going back to white bread any time soon.  I'll stick with whole grain and keep it to two slices a day.  But I really needed this jump-start to find out what makes my body tick.  I'll also be sticking with honey as a natural sweetener from now on.  I do believe I'll be staying low carb, but probably not Atkins low carb.  Trying to stay under 20g a day is difficult.  I'm going to attempt staying between 30-40g carbs per day, and that will be healthy carbs, not junk.  With that and my exercise, I am hoping to reach the 199 very soon.  I can't say when.  That is 64 pounds away. 

The last time I saw 199, I was seven months pregnant with Missy.  I was 19 or 20 years old.  I remember standing on that scale crying because I was going to hit the big 2-0-0.  And I was pregnant!  Funny how fifteen years later, that number seems like a victory!

Again, I want to thank you all for supporting me on my journey.  I still don't consider this a weight loss blog, or a fashion blog, or a mommy blog, or a religious blog.  it's just me, in all my facets, interests, and dreams.  I know I flit about from subject to subject.  Thank you for putting up with me in all my craziness!

What I Love About Sunday

I guess I'm going to start taking pictures on Sunday.  I have a photographer (Missy) and I wear real clothes.  I'm posting this right now wearing red pj bottoms and a turquoise tank top.  I'm about to go do the dishes.  No one needs to see that!

This was my favorite shot of the day.  My hair is growing in better.  This is why a wrap dress is a must for curvy girls.  Accentuates the best, skims away the ripples.

Another favorite dress, but way too hot for today.  I was sweating like a pig at the slaughter-house.

I'm thinking now that I should invest in some Spanx or something.  That gut.  Aiyiyi.

Even though Missy chopped off half my head, I kept it.  Know why?  LOOK AT MY WAIST.  It's getting smaller!  I'm not even sucking it in here!

Dress: Merona for Target (I think half my wardrobe is Merona for Target.  Seriously!(
Shoes: blue leopard print, Payless.
Earrings: WalMart.  Not real silver, but who cares?
Necklaces: gift from Carmella, an authentic pookah shell necklace from Hawaii.  Carmella is my coworker and I covered for her for two LOOOOONG weeks while she was on vacation.  I joke that I deserved way more than pookah shells.  But I do love it.
By the way, it's ok if you guys comment and stuff.  Or is everyone gone for the Labor Day weekend?

I Love a Sale!

It occurred to me last Tuesday when I went to a meeting at work that I have no decent footwear for the office.  I have towering heels that I never wear, flip flops, sneakers and two pairs of flats that I wear over and over.  I don't necessarily wear a weird size...I'm between an 8 and a 9, depending on who makes the shoe; but I wear wide widths.  I love Zappos, I've gotten most of my favorite shoes from them.  But springing for $100 every time I need one pair of shoes hurts.  And considering I'm not super active when I wear office shoes (hello, I'm sitting in a chair) I don't need them to be fabulously well made.  I just want a bit of variety to match different things without always being black, brown or nude.

I had to drive to my husband's job because they FORGOT TO PAY HIM (you peeps should have heard me yelling over this, the yard he is based out of is over 40 miles away, but it was a nice drive this morning and I feel better now) and is close to the mall.  I had to pick up a gift card for Tiger because he is going to a birthday party later today.  And on a whim, I stepped into Payless Shoes, a place I had not bothered with in it at least five years.

Payless Shoes, to me, was a place to buy prom shoes and kid shoes.  But wow, they have CHANGED.  I found TONS of cute flats and heels, completely work appropriate.  And it was Buy One Get One Free week.  I mean, SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.  I am so there!

Let me introduce you to my five new pairs of shoes.  Plus the ones I bought at KMart last week.  Holy toledo, I've bought six pairs of shoes in a week.  Good thing Mr. R isn't home, he'd have a heart attack!  Tee hee!

These are a deep purple color.  Comfy, too.

These are a lovely heather gray color.  Cute, no?

These might be the craziest ones I bought.  Red plaid with a ruffle!  Christmas is written all over these bad boys.  They will look amazing with a black dress and red accessories!

Hello!  Navy blue with some type of shearling lining.  Not summer shoes for sure.  But as comfortable as bedroom slippers!

These are the ones I bought from KMart.  I really love these, but they're not work appropriate.  And wow do I need a pedicure.  Hey, at least I shaved.

Another weird one.  Blue leopard, I mean whaaaaaaa?  But comfy and will go with a lot of the blue tops I own.  I own a lot of blue so this will work.

Can wear them with pants at work, or even skirts.  Work appropriate, good for church, ok with jeans if I ever wear jeans, good for just about anything.  And perfectly good in case I don't have time for a pedicure.  This will cure my shoe issues for a while!  Hooray for Payless!

**edit.  Did anyone else notice how white my legs are?  Wowzers.  I didn't mean to blind you.  At least you know I'm protecting my skin, staying out of the sun.  Oh, and I'm wearing a coral colored dress from WalMart I bought about two years ago for $18.  It's one of my favorites.  It has two rips in the bodice area I need to fix, but that's really because I wear this dress at least once a week.

I Do Not Haz a Happy

This is what Tiger made for an after-school snack:

And this is what I had for dinner:

I like green beans.  A lot.  But...I want a cookie.  NOW!!!

Sample Menu

Wanted to share my plan for today.  It's good to have plans!

Breakfast:
Corned beef from a can, about 2-3 tablespoons.
One egg.
Onion and herb Mrs. Dash.
Coffee.  Lots and lots of coffee.  With half and half.

Dump a few tablespoons of corned beef into a skillet.  Take one egg, scramble it into the corned beef.  Cook until egg is done.  Sprinkle Mrs. Dash.  Ta-da!  Drink coffee continuously.  You could add onions and green peppers or even tomatoes to this if you liked.  I just forgot.  I love onions.

Lunch:
One can of tuna fish.
Mayonnaise to taste.
Half of one tomato.
Salt and pepper to taste.
Copious amounts of water.

Open can of tuna, stir in mayonnaise to taste.  (I'm not a huge mayo fan, but I hate mustard so mayo it is.)  Cut up as much tomato as you like, I used half of a medium sized tomato.  Throw the cut up tomato in the bowl with the tuna fish.  Add a bit of salt and pepper if you like that.  Eat!  Drink tons of water.  My skin looks great!  One can of tuna is only 100 calories and is very filling. 

Dinner:
left over pork ribs from yesterday.  I grill them on my foreman grill with Mrs. Dash.
Green beans with butter and pepper.
More water!

Normally I'd have a salad with lunch but I think I need a break from salad, I've had it for four days straight. 

Ten

I'm proud to report that between my exercise and changing my diet to a low-carb lifestyle (lots of eggs, meat, cheese, tons of veggies, no sweets, bread, potatoes, rice, pasta) I have now hit the TEN POUND mark.  I have lost ten pounds since June 6.  I attended a birthday party with a Carvel ice cream cake that I avoided, went to the Olive Garden and had no breadsticks, and managed to avoid homemade banana bread at church last night.  Phew!  Talk about temptations all around me!  I furiously sucked on my water bottle like a smoker clutching that last cigarette and pretended that the yummies had arsenic in them. 
Breakfast has been hardest.  I like toast and bagels and instead have been making myself eggs with onions and green peppers with turkey sausage.  Lunch is easier, I have rolled up sandwich meat or tuna fish with a salad.  Dinner has been easy too.  Grilled meats like chicken or steaks or burgers with veggies on the side.  Only on one night did I cave and have a dessert, and that was an applesauce cup.  No flavored drinks except coffee.  I've drank nothing but water.  I feel AMAZING and have not had that afternoon slump when the sugar crazies get to me.  I'm sleeping great and even took the dog for a walk on my lunch break yesterday.
Unfortunately, when you're as fat as I am, ten pounds doesn't really register on the body that much.  I still look...fat.  But I can tell the difference.  My bra doesn't fit me as well.  Instead of the last hook, I'm on the tightest hook.  There is room in the cups where before I was overflowing them.  The straps on my tank tops keep slipping over my shoulders.  Even my SHOES seem to fit better. 
My blood sugar is reflecting this as well.  I'm still a diabetic, but I seem to be controlling it with my diet and my one medication, Metformin.
I finally told Mr.R how much I weigh...yeah I told all of you before I told him.  He was shocked, he had no idea.  I guess I hide it well.  He said he was proud of me for taking control of my life again, and promised to be low carb with me when he's home.  What an awesome guy I'm married to!
Thanks for the support guys.  I have a long way to go (I'm guessing between 80-100 pounds more) but finally seeing a substantial move on the scale has really encouraged me!