I Won't Apologize for Who I Am and What I Stand For

My name is Sarah. I'm 33 years old. Married for almost 14 years, but been with my husband for over 18 years. I'm a mother of three children. I have a job but it doesn't have me. I'm a student. Most importantly, I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, who is my Lord and Savior. I won't change for anyone. Being a Christian is an integral part of who I am.
It was never more obvious to me that I am a Christian until this past Saturday night. I went on a date with Mr. R. We went to see a concert of some old friends of Mr. R's, from back in his band days. Back then, I was always home with the kids, because I was either a) pregnant b) nursing or c) a combination of both. So I was never really around the scene. All the guys knew Mr. R was married, but had not met me because I was busy with our children. Back then, I was insanely jealous of the time Mr. R spent out with his friends, while I was dealing with the "drudgery" of caring for our children. Last Saturday, I realize I got the better end of the deal.
It was some guy's 40th birthday. When you think of 40th birthday, what are you thinking? A guy with a bit of middle age paunch, probably starting to bald. Perhaps you have a barbecue, blow up some black "Over the Hill" balloons, and get an ice cream cake. Oh noooo. This was a personal rock concert for this guy, who was also a band member. People kept getting up on stage to wish Roger a "Happy F'in Birthday" and to drink shots. I was offered jello shots at least three times. Even though there is a law against it, the bar was filled with smoke. The smoke was so bad, I actually had to leave after the second set because I started to wheeze. I listened to the concert from the parking lot while Mr. R stayed inside to watch his friends.
While outside, I was hit on by three separate extremely drunk men, and one transient asked me for $20. Ummm, no to all of you. But while out there, I was filled with joy. Mostly because I realized that this life in the bar was not for me. I didn't need this. I was smiling when Mr. R finally came outside. He was surprised because he thought I would be mad about sitting outside on my own. If nothing, last Saturday night proved to me that I've made the right choices with my life. Even Mr. R confessed to me on the drive home, "That was stupid. Everyone was acting like idiots. It was all about getting drunk, that's the only way to have fun for these people." Indeed, when I opened my computer on Monday morning, the first e-mail on my myspace page had a lovely comment about how the birthday boy passed out on his driveway after the show. Wow, an accomplishment for a 40 year old. No thanks! Who's wondering if this genius drove home in his inebriated state?
I got home from the concert Saturday night, and took a shower to get the smoky funk off me. I had to wash Mr. R's shoes because some drunk girl fell on him and she spilled her beer on his shoes. Then I laid in my bed, with the man of dreams, in our clean bed, in our (mostly) clean home, and I was just content. Then in the morning, I got up and made him breakfast in bed. Fresh coffee, over easy eggs, corn beef hash, and toast. I caught up on laundry, watched the news, read the paper, and was just generally content in my little world.
I won't apologize for loving home, and everything that goes with it. If that smoky bar is the world, the world can keep it. I have no desire to have anything to do with that kind of atmosphere. I'd rather be at home, with my sweet family, with my loving husband, and take care of them, than to be out in that. I think of the verse in Proverbs:

Proverbs 7:10-12 (New International Version)

10 Then out came a woman to meet him,
dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.

11 (She is loud and defiant,
her feet never stay at home;

12 now in the street, now in the squares,
at every corner she lurks.)

Now, I'm not saying that as women, you're stuck in your house for the rest of your life. Obviously, you're allowed to leave the house. But a woman who finds her husband and children her priority, won't generally be out late at night at a band show. She'll be home, watching her children, getting ready for the next day. There are always exceptions to his, I'm just saying that for the most part, I BELONG AT HOME WITH MY FAMILY. At this show, there were plenty of women dressed as prostitutes (note the proverb says dressed LIKE a prostitute, not an actual prostitute. How we present ourselves is so important!) And I have to say, not too many of the women there were demure or quiet. It was mostly women behind me screaming, "WWWHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT!" Everytime someone made a sexual reference on stage. One guy even got on the stage and told everyone that a girl at the bar did certain things for $5. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. And she was proud of it. She stood on the barstool and lifted up her shirt. To say she was popular was an understatement.

So world, thanks but no thanks. You showed me what you had to offer, and I'm not impressed.

Bucket Did Great!

My sweet Bucket did a great job at the dentist's office. First, they decided to let me go back with him. They didn't let me go back with Missy, but since I had to write that Bucket had a history of seizures, they figured I'd better hang with them. He didn't like the x-rays but he didn't fuss or complain. He had to re-take one of the x-rays because he didn't sit still and the x-ray was all fuzzy. Then, the dentist came and she said he didn't have a single cavity. I was thrilled. I mean, I may not have taken my kid to the dentist, but I did make sure he was brushing his teeth! Today, Mr. R is taking him back to the dentist at 4pm so he can get a cleaning and some sealants on his back molars.
The only time he got annoyed was at the very end when they tried to give him stickers for being good. Bucket equates stickers with being a baby, and he got pretty ticked. He was sitting on my lap when that happened and I whispered in his ear "Don't mess up now, you've done great today. Just take the stickers and say 'thank you!'" So he did, but I could tell now he was annoyed with me. Then we walked to the grocery store from the dentist and got him candy...you know, candy as a prize for not getting cavities? Hahahahaha!

Ode to a Man Coming Home

Currently, my dear husband is sitting in a Jacksonville Publix warehouse waiting to get milk unloaded from his truck. As soon as they're done unloading him, he has to drive home. He is so tired. While I was talking to him on the phone, I could hear him dozing slightly as I talked. And no, I'm not that boring! (I think?) He drove straight from Dallas to Jacksonville in one setting.
Of course, being a total man, the first thing he asked me is "Sarah, what's for dinner?" For a change, I had an answer. Homemade chicken pot pie! Now, before you all go ooohing and aaahhing at me, its not completely homemade. I take leftover chicken from another meal. Then I buy frozen pie crusts in the dessert section. I pour in a can of chicken gravy, either frozen or canned veggies, the chopped up chicken, and mix it all up. Then I throw the second pie crust over it, cinch the edges, cut a design in the top (why? Is it so the pie doesn't blow up in the oven? I don't know, I just saw my mom do it, so I do it too) and bake in the oven until the crust gets brown. Mr. R absolutely adores this meal. And its so thrifty because you can throw whatever you want in there. I'm not sure this would work with leftover fish, but I bet you could do something with leftover hamburger or steak or turkey. This is a great way to use leftovers. I think it would probably freeze well too.
Beyond Mr. R coming home, Bucket has his very first dentist appointment today. Yes, I'm about 9 years late. But come on...the kid has had so many issues, that the dentist was the last thing I was thinking about. I know it's wrong on so many levels, but when your child is busy trying to commit suicide, I'm sure most wouldn't be worried about his smile. Ya know? Anyway, I'll let you all know how it goes. Bucket is not happy about the situation at all, especially since this dentist will not allow parents in the back (not sure what I think of this nazi approach, but we shall see.)

I Got an "A" in my Keyboarding Class....

Said the girl who already typed about 55wpm before the class even started.
It does make me feel good that I passed my final exam typing 94 correct wpm. Apparently, my fingers are faster than my brain. Who knew? (shouts from the audience...we all knew!!!)
School is going well. I still have not received my student loan check for my new desk, which is pretty annoying, considering that I've been in school for six weeks already. The desk that my friend from church offered to give me didn't work out. It was not only very tiny, it was one of those metal desks, which would not fit in with our decor at all. I did find one I liked from Kane's furniture, which is where we got our dining room set. Since I have an open line of credit there, I may go for it. Then I can just pay off the desk when the check rolls in. My current desk is driving me ABSOLUTELY BATTY.

Two Weird Incidences

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As I'm sitting here waiting for my shift to end at work, I am sitting here contemplating about these two things that just happened. I wonder if God is asking me to shine during difficult times.
I realize most people on here don't know me personally, so a little background is required. At the age of 4 months, my biological father left my mom and shacked up with another woman. I grew up not knowing him at all. We did connect a few times through letter writing, but nothing personal. At age 23, he found me through the internet, and we corresponded for seven years, again not meeting each other at all. On my 30th birthday, I cut ties when he refused to admit my existence to his other children...does everyone get that?
Now, this past weekend, he almost died. The man is in terrible health. He has high blood pressure, a history of depression, diabetes, and he had a major heart attack over the weekend. He had either a triple or quadruple bypass on Wednesday and managed to survive. My cousins called to let me know that my Sperm Donor was possibly on the way out. Tell me...how does one react?

Second situation. Mr. R's sister, who I will call Sissy on this blog, lives about 45 minutes from us. Due to us having extremely different lifestyles (I don't drink, she drinks until she passes out) we don't hang out much. Sissy is married, and has a son who is 14. They had a roommate (Tricia) who was also quite the drinker, from what I hear. Well, the roommate died today in a car accident, in which she was a passenger in a vehicle where the other driver was drunk.

Both of these incidents are obviously stressful, scary, and sad. I emailed Sissy to ask if she needed any help calling her roommate's family and going through her things. I can imagine that is tough, and they were so close. With the Sperm Donor situation, it was beyond me to even react. As emotional as I get, the idea of his death did nothing to me. I sat here like a lump on a log and said, "Oh," when the cousin called to say that the man who gave me life was close to death.

Death brings out the worst in us, does it not? One day, Tricia was out partying at the bar having a good time. The next, Sissy was identifying her body at the morgue. I'm sure the Sperm Donor was probably out in Vegas having a Diet Pepsi and a steak, and keeled over, not even knowing how badly his arteries were clogged. When worst comes to worst...when a friend dies, when a family member dies, when your dog dies, who do you become?

Is This a Compliment or an Insult?

Movie Reviews

Mr. R got his Hazmat endorsement

We are working on getting Mr. R home! He was home yesterday, and he went to the DMV to get his Hazmat endorsement. This is an endorsement that allows Mr. R to transport chemicals, gasoline and weapons. Shockingly, almost every local job in the Orlando area requires this endorsement. Makes me even happier driving around Orlando, hahaha. Yeah, I think I'll stay at home where the only dangerous chemical around here is the after-effects of Mexican Monday.
We had to pay $107 for the honor of having this little endorsement, and a background check. Unfortunately, the background check takes 30 days, which means he still can't apply for a local job for another month. This is driving me bonkers. Roadblocks keep getting thrown up, but I want to believe that this is in God's perfect timing and plan for Mr. R, so I'm trying not to be pessimistic. I just want my husband home, you know? I want to spend more than one weekend a month with him. I want to lie in bed with him at night, and have dinner with him, and go to church with him every Sunday.



This is sort of what his truck looks like.

I Am Superior, Peeps

96 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior Take the test!

I Almost Hit a Deer!

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So I am driving Missy and her friend Kylee to horseback riding lesson. About two miles from our home, there is a rural area with dirt roads, and large homes on acreage. I love it back there, and wish we could afford to live back there. As I'm driving, a deer (I guess a doe, since it didn't have antlers?) ran in front of my car. Missy screamed, Kylee laughed, and I'm just grateful I didn't hit it.
I drive a Dodge Magnum, a car not known for its off-roading skills. I'm only going ten miles an hour anyway. So I brake the car, and I swear, this deer stopped to GLARE AT ME before it ran back into the woods.
Only in Florida, we have deer with attitudes.

Little Boys

Well, they're not really little anymore. But ya'll know what I mean.
So Tiger did great at his consultation with the band. He was too advanced for Band I, so they are moving him into Band II. Which is 7th and 8th grade! I literally thought he was going to swoon. He was excited beyond belief. I'm sure he'll be excited to tell Doug, his saxophone teacher, how well he did. Missy went with us to the consultation and she was happy to learn that the new middle school is laid out exactly like the one she is leaving (they changed the borders of school, so everyone got changed to a new school for August.) To celebrate, I am taking Missy and Tiger out to lunch today. Then Tiger has his saxophone lesson today at 4:30, and he is spending the night at his Nana's house. He has never spent the night there without Missy or Bucket. I almost feel sorry for my Mom, but not sorry enough to cancel it, hahaha.
Ok, now here is my guilty confession. Bucket is in the truck with his Daddy. Yes, summer vacation is fun because they get to travel the country with their Daddy in a big truck. Although I don't consider going to NJ as travel, since I used to live near there. I DON'T MISS BUCKET. Isn't that terrible? Oh, I just lost my mother of the year award. The house is so quiet. There is no arguing, no crying, no hitting. I love him dearly, always will, but I didn't realize how badly I needed a break from him. Have any of you ever felt this way? When Mr. R walked out the door with Bucket, I collapsed on the couch and thought, "Thank you, sweet Lord."

Yeah, It Hurt

For my birthday three weeks ago, Mr. R graciously allowed me some money to buy myself some new clothes. Since I don't work outside the home, my wardrobe tends to consist of sweatpants, tank tops, and flip flops. So I decided to buy a dress for church and for meetings at work. It's a very cute dress. It's sleeveless, but I wear a white shirt over it. It's navy blue and white, with an empire seam under the bust and a dark blue sash. It comes just below my knees. It is super comfortable and I just love it. I decided to wear it to church today. Let me tell you, I thought I looked sharp. I did my hair, my makeup, wore my little white cover-up shirt so I wouldn't look immodest. Had my bag with my Bible, pens, and journal. I walked into my Sunday school class with a cheery hello, and walked to my seat.
"Congratulations!" said one of my fellow worshipers.
I didn't think she was talking to me. I sat down and smiled at everyone.
"Congratulations, Sarah!" she said again, making sure I heard her.
Ummm, congratulations for what? That I'm on time? That I match? That I'm not wearing my hair in a bun, like I normally do?
"On the baby! I didn't know you were pregnant!"
I'm sure my face completely fell. I said, "I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat."
I'm sure I came off as rude, and it wasn't my intent. But that hurt so badly, I couldn't even concentrate on the message at church today. I'm so fat, I look pregnant. She did apologize, and I accepted, and I forgive her. It's not her fault. I am so freaking fat, that I look like I'm hauling an extra person around. Lovely. I made a crack about burning my dress, but it's not the dress that is unflattering. It is me. I can take the time to do my hair, and wear makeup, and buy clothes that intend to hide my lumpy bod, but the fact remains, I am SO OBESE that people think I am pregnant.
Mr. R noticed that I wasn't quite with it today, and when I told him what happened, he didn't know what to say to me. It was an area he didn't want to tread in either, because there is really nothing one can say to make that any better.
Oh. Hop on scale. 273. Crap.

Upper Respiratory Solved

This is my Tiger. Isn't he a handsome young man? Miriam should be able to tell that he is my clone. He has my eye color, my face shape, my nose, my lips and my eyebrow shape! The poor kid even got my butt.
Let's get on with the story.
Tiger had a meeting at the middle school (my baby is starting middle school...SOB!) for the band. He plays alto sax. He brought his sax to show the band director to make sure he could use it for the band. She examined it and said, "You need a new mouthpiece." Which is not a big deal, we've replaced it once already. Then she opened up the mouthpiece and sighed. She looked at Tiger and said, "Do you always keep the reed in here?" He nodded. She pulled it out...and peeps, it was GREEN. With mold. He has been putting mold in his mouth several times a week as he practices!! As my mouth was hanging open, she looks at me and says super casually, "I bet he gets sick a lot." Ummm, yeah. I've got the emergency room copay to prove it.

JAWS

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Last weekend, Bucket chose a movie from Blockbuster. You guessed it, Jaws. I said, "That is a scary movie, sweetie." And he got all offended. "I'm a big boy and I don't get scared!" So last night we watched the movie. Tiger was snuggled up in a blanket on the couch (since he's still not feeling well.) Bucket sat on top of me the entire night, trying to watch the movie through his fingers (he had his eyes covered, lol.) Throughout the movie, I mentioned over and over that the shark was really a robot, that great whites don't come to Florida, that it wasn't a true story. None of that mattered. One hour after the movie, Bucket arrived in my bedroom with his pillow and blanket, ready to camp out with me. I said, "Bucket, I told you that the movie wasn't real!" He said, "Mama, my brain is listening to you, but my heart is still scared!"
I just can't resist this kid!