Keeping My Priorities Straight

Oh my word, peeps. I just had one of those experiences where I feel like God took my face in His Hands and gave me the slap I so sorely needed. Ever feel like that? You know, when you're off doing your own thing, thinking about your own goals, and pushing everything else aside?
I was merrily working (well, not really merrily, but whatever, I was working) and the phone rang. Heritage Middle School. I knew right away it would be Missy. She has been fighting a cold and losing for several days. She sounded awful. "Mommy, I want to go home!" I didn't even argue with her, I said, "I'll be right there." And I jumped in the rental car, drove to the school, showed my ID to the secretary, and drove my little girl home. On the way home she said, "Mommy, I'm so glad you work from home. If you were in Orlando, I would have had to wait over an hour to go home."
Thank God I was wearing my nifty Jackie O pink/purple sunglasses, because my eyes suddenly blurred with tears. Man, this motherhood gig makes me a cry a lot!
What made this short conversation even more poignant, was that less than 20 minutes before, Mr. R and I had been talking about an open position at the hospital. Before I even said anything, he said, "You can't apply for that job. The kids need you at home." I started to talk about they COULD be latch-key, lots of kids do it, and why is it always me who has to sacrifice, Mr. I'm-in-Dallas-having-real-barbecue? *cough cough*
Talk about the proverbial slap in the face. How is this a sacrifice? I am blessed beyond measure, to not only help Mr. R provide for our family, but to still be available when my children need me? I can't get it any better.



Thank you, Lord, for reminding me of my priorities when I become weak.

Bucket Brought Home a Friend!

This just never happens. Bucket came in from school with a boy from his class. His friend's name is Hunter and they are playing with the kitties and chattering about Spiderman.
This warms my heart...something I always hoped, he'd be able to do, is to make real genuine friendships with other boys.
Yeah, I'm crying a little. So happy about little pieces of normalcy in an autistic world.




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Office Depot is my HomeSkillet

When I got up this morning, the first thing I realized is that my headset was not on my desk. I found it in the living room, being chewed by a kitten. Curses! Of course it no longer worked, and a trip to Office Depot was warranted. Due to the car accidents, I simply HAVE to have a headset, or my neck and shoulders will scream in agony. I can't hold a phone in my neck, tilt my head, and type all day. That would lead to abuse of Alcohol/Advil cocktails. So in the car I went.
Most people might groan, but I looooove a trip to the Depot. It is a fantasy land for office nerds like myself. I only needed one thing, but I ended up buying three. I got my headset, plus I got one of those cushion gel wrist pads for my keyboard, as the kids picked all the gel out of the old one. And I got fancy pens. I love fancy pens! I simply abhor those cheap pens that come 100 in a box for 5 bucks. I buy them for the kids because they lose pens like it's nobody's business. But for me, I get the nice ones. I love a good gel pen, or real ink pen. If you can buy refills for it, I'm all over it. There is something about the way the ink flows out of the tip, and stains the paper, that gives me goosebumps. Typing has NOTHING on writing.

My Son is so Flippin' Cute

Said to me last night:
"Mommy, Mommy, we're in the 'embers!"
"We're in the WHAT???"
"The 'embers, Mommy! The 'embers are here!"
"Slow down, Bucket. What are you talking about?"
He stops. Looks at me. He simply cannot believe that mind reading is not on my resume.
"Mom, when the months end in "ember" that means we're getting close to Christmas!"
Ohhhh. SeptEMBER. OctOBER. NovEMBER. DecEMBER.
Yes, I guess we're in the 'embers now, aren't we?
My son is brilliant AND flippin' cute!

She's OK, Peeps!

Heard back from Nicola once she calmed down. It turned out she was rear-ended while in the drive-thru at McDonalds. Her husband got out and approached the other driver, and right away, the guy denied that he had hit them. So Nicola got out too, and she is just hugely pregnant. She wasn't concerned about the damage to the car, but the fact that when he jolted her, her back started to hurt. The other driver agreed to pull out of the drive-thru and meet them in the parking lot. Well, Nicola and her husband pulled out after getting their food, and waiting, but once the other guy got his food, he peeled out of the parking lot. So the police were called. When I was talking to her, I wasn't hearing the sound of the ambulance, but of the police. Nicola did not go to the hospital as far as I know. And their car is drivable. Right now, the situation is that her back is just killing her. Other than that, I don't know what else is going on. Both Nicola's husband and son were uninjured.

Never Mind Me, Just Pray for my Boss

Remember my boss who I told you about several months ago? She is currently pregnant, almost 8 months, due on November 9th. Well, she was just in a serious car accident, a hit and run while she was picking up her son from school. Please pray for her safety. As we were talking, she was being loaded into the ambulance. I could hear her ten year old son crying. I asked if she wanted me to run down there, and the phone cut off. Now she's either not answering her phone or has turned it off. I have no idea if her son or husband was injured. This car she was driving was her only vehicle, and they are going to have a baby in a month. I know she will not have the money to replace her car. So please be in prayer about her health and her finances, as this will not be easy on her.

Does Anyone Want to Help Me?

Good Monday morning to you all. Mr. R and I are in quite the financial pickle (we're not going to lose the house, it's not that bad!) and I just need some advice. Please.
As ya'll know, we lost our Jeep about a month ago. Of course, the vehicle was paid off, it was running just fine, and didn't cost us much in the way of upkeep, except for fuel and insurance. Even though the vehicle itself wasn't valuable monetarily, it worked for us. And now it's gone. :(
Anyway, we finally heard that we're going to get a mere $1300 for the vehicle. In a way, I'm shocked we're even getting that much, because it is a 12 yr old Jeep. But at the same time, $1300 cannot buy you a reliable vehicle. We do have some money in savings, but it's still not enough to buy a dependable car/truck in cash. And because we are still making payments on my car, we cannot afford to do payments on a second vehicle.
So here is the question for you:
Do we take the $1300, plus the 3 grand we have in savings, and buy a vehicle for about $4000? Or do we take the $1300, pay off two credit cards (totaling $900 together) and keep the other $400 to buy Christmas gifts for the kids? We'd have to share my one vehicle, the 2006 Magnum. Since I work from home, I rarely even drive it. I've put about 20,000 miles on it in two years, and that includes two round trip visits to Charlotte, NC. The main issue would be, that Mr. R would have difficulty coming home for a job. Because if he has my car, then I don't...meaning that I'd have issues getting to department meetings, and if a child gets sick, I'd have to take a taxi. I realize that taking a taxi is only $20, whereas dealing with car insurance and fuel is much more, however, it's the convenience factor.
So I guess my real question is, how much are YOU willing to pay for convenience?

I, Sarah

I am...just finishing up my second week of anatomy, and doing pretty good.
I want...my hair to grow.
I wish...money grew on trees.
I hate...the upcoming election.
I miss...my grandma.
I fear...the upcoming election. (lol)
I feel...irritated, because I balanced the checkbook.
I hear...the boys brushing their teeth.
I smell...my new gingerbread candles. Mmmmm!
I crave...water. My throat is starting to hurt.
I search...for answers in the Word.
I wonder...what an empty nest is going to feel like.
I regret...not exercising.
I love...Jesus.
I care...too much.
I ache...from my left hip still. No idea what is going on with it.
I believe...that Jesus Christ in my Lord and Savior.
I dance...like a white girl, no rhythm, no groove, but I have fun doing it.
I sing...alto.
I cry...more than I like. Normally when I'm overwhelmed.
I don't always...think before I speak.
I fight...when it needs to be done.
I write...my feelings on paper.
I never...say no to potatoes.
I listen...because that's what friends do.
I need...Jesus.
I am happy...because I have a wonderful family, and good friends.

Duhhhhh

Oh, and I got a 93 on my Anatomy exam. Sweeeeet.

In Remembrance

Fifteen years ago today, my grandmother passed away. I had just started college, and was away from home for the very first time. When I left for school, I knew that it was likely the last time I'd see my grandma, but I had no idea she would pass almost immediately after I left.
Per my grandmother's instructions, she had no funeral. I'm glad it worked out that way, as I can't imagine I would have been able to contain my grief. Although my grandma was not the typical grandmother (there was no cookie baking, very few sleepovers, and she was not exactly a warm personality) I did learn something important from her. And that was, I saw her suffer the ravages of her nicotine addiction. Her death was excruciatingly painful, as every breath she took was raw and fluid filled. She was a 40-plus years smoker, and died of emphysema on September 16, 1993. As a teenager, I did dabble in smoking, but since her death, I have not picked up a cigarette. Her death was not for naught.
I gave birth to her first great-grandchild almost two years after her death. I think she would find it amusing to see me chase after my children. She had seven children herself (my mom is the third) and was a strict disciplinarian. She used to microwave pork chops for me...what kind of Jewish grandma was she?!?! I smile when I think of her. She is warmly and sadly missed.

Anatomy

I just took my first test in my AP1 course. Wish me luck!!! It was all essay, which is a strength for me. I feel like I did a great job, but we shall see...

Why I'm OK with Being a Plus-Sized Woman

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The site with comments to no end.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially in my quest to lose weight. Please believe me when I say I have no desire to be a super skinny model. I'm about 5 foot 5, give or take an inch depending on who measures me, hahaha. Mr. R says I'm 5 foot 4, my stepdad says I'm about 5 foot 6. Either way, I'm short, but not a midget, and I'm certainly not tall. My goal is to be healthy, to be happy, to not starve, and to enjoy food and celebration in its entirety. I want to enjoy a bowl of ice cream, or a dinner with my husband without hauling out a food scale and counting points. I want to live, not measure. With that in mind, I decided that it would be foolish to even attempt to get below plus size. Let's face it...I have a plus sized figure. I always have. Even back in high school, when I was thin, I was very curvy with a big butt, wide hips, breasts, and rarely weighed below 150 all through high school. But I was healthy and active and you can't look at pictures of me from age 14 to 18 and think I'm fat.
As much fun as I had in college, I way over-ate, and never bothered exercising, so I put on about 40 pounds my freshman year. I weighed about 180 to 190 when I got married at age 19. Then I immediately got pregnant with Missy, and weighed 225 when I had her. I managed to drop the weight and was at about 180-185 when I got pregnant with Tiger. When I was pregnant with Tiger, I had a sit down job (like I do now) and immediately ballooned up to about 240. He weighed 8 lb 4oz, and I dropped back down again to about 180. Breast-feeding helped a lot with that. Well, imagine my shock when I got pregnant again, when Tiger was 5 months old. Again, the weight crept back on, and I weighed about 240 when I had Bucket.
So here I am, 240 pounds, 23 years old, and 3 babies. I actually joined a gym and dropped back down to 180, and was well on my way to my beloved 150 when Bucket starting having issues, and I was asked not to bring him to the gym nursery anymore. Within those next few years, I grew increasingly depressed, and the weight crept on. I couldn't bring him anywhere, due to the stares, and my own feelings of insecurity. I actually woke up at 5:30 every morning, got the kids up, and took them to the park to play at 7am so we wouldn't have to interact with any people, and therefore wouldn't have to explain Bucket's erratic behaviors. I made myself a prisoner of my own home, and when you're bored in your house, you eat. And I ate. And I ate. And when I was done eating, I ate again. And so year after year, I noticed I might weigh 5 pounds more than the year before. And 5 pounds is so easy to excuse, isn't it? You can say, sheesh, I have my period, or I'm retaining water, or I just had a steak! And then the next year, you might have gained 7 pounds. And you do that over and over until you realize you weigh 270 pounds, and you haven't had a baby in ten years. And that's a lot of steak. And now the task seems insurmountable! You're surrounded by tv shows like the Biggest Loser, where people can lose 100 pounds in three months. And that sounds great until you realize people gave up their jobs and families in order to participate, and you couldn't do that your children. And you don't have the time to exercise for 8 hours a day, and you don't have a personal chef to make you exquisite meals that fall within the 400 calorie limit. And so your exercise is chasing a naked toddler down the street, and your diet is eating left over mac n cheese off your son's plate. And you get in deeper, and deeper.
I keep starting my sentences with "and." I'm pretty sure that is a grammatical no-no.
Anyhoo, I was lying in bed with Mr. R the other day. I'm not trying to be disgusting or TMI, because I am a Christian woman, but I was...ummm...naked. And he had his head on my stomach and we were watching tv. I think I was rubbing his hair. And he was talking about how much he loved my body, and in my head, I'm thinking, "What an idiot. He had me 120 pounds ago, and he knows what I really should be looking like." I think he can read my mind at times, because he propped himself up and looked at me and said, "Quit being so hard on yourself. I think you're gorgeous." Now, he is not excusing me for being so far overweight, but he's not dogging me for it either. So it makes me wonder, if I'm truly being too hard on myself. And that being plus sized is not the worst thing in the world. After all, Marilyn Monroe would be considered a plus sized woman these days, and she was quite the beauty. I think of beautiful women, like the model Emme, and Queen Latifah, and Sara Ramirez, and Mia Tyler, whose picture I posted above. All women who delight in their curves, in their womanliness, in their femininity. And I think, "yeah, I can do this. I can pull off this body. I can be strong and confident and curvy. I think I'm gonna get a margarita. They have 300 calories and it's absolutely worth it!"

Therefore, I made a list. Top 10 Reasons to be a Plus-Sized Woman.

1) Breasts. Yup, I got em. They're real, they're spectacular, and I didn't have to pay extra for them.

2) Older skinny women pay to have fat injected in their faces to give them a more youthful look. Well, guess what, I already have a chubby face, so I look youthful already!

3) Rap songs are written about our butts. (see "Baby Got Back" and "Apple Bottom Jeans") True, these are both bad novelty rap songs, but do you hear songs about girls with flat butts? Nope, didn't think so.

4) Having a butt. No implant for me. Mine came naturally and looks fantastic in all types of jeans.

5) Babies love to snuggle on me. There is not one sharp bone protruding on me except my nose. When I worked in the nursery at church, babies fell asleep on me all the time. BECAUSE I'M COMFY!!!

6) No problem conceiving. Because I had the necessary fat to support a successful pregnancy, I had very healthy pregnancies, and healthy babies.

7) In case of giants, my bra could be used as a slingshot. Yep. It's true, go ask Goliath (oh wait he's dead.)

8) Ever notice that most plus sized girls have the best hair? I sure have. I think it's because we actually eat, and our hair gets the same nutrients our bodies do. Both my sister and I (she is plus sized also) have awesome hair. We get stopped by strangers on the street to ask about how we do our hair. We don't. It comes naturally to both of us.

9) Someday, I'm going to be a roly-poly grandma. Do you want a roly-poly grandma who wears an apron and gives you cookies, or a stick figure who gives you celery? Yeah, me too.

10) God created me this way. He did not make a mistake. The Bible says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14. If God's Word says it, it's good enough for me!

My new weight loss goal is to get at 200. That's it for now. 120 pounds seemed so far away. Like there was no point in even trying. 70 pounds is still a lot of weight, but seems somehow more attainable. At 200, I will re-evaluate and see what needs to be changed.

Wow...Talk About Grace!

I had a long night. Totally exhausted. Mr. R just left for Virginia which is why I was up late last night *cough cough* ~grin~ Anyway, as I got up at 6am this morning to start my day, I swung my legs to the side of the bed, got up, and shuffled my way to the bathroom. It wasn't until I hopped off the potty that I realized...OH MY GOODNESS MY HIP DOES NOT HURT EVEN ONE BIT! So of course I had to experiment. I sat up and down on the potty until Mr. R yelled at me to knock it off, because HE was still sleeping. Hmph! I am walking around like nothing ever happened. I even got out of my computer chair (which, peeps, is like the best chair in the house, everyone loves it) with no issues at all. So, I'd like to say, thank you, Lord. I said it would take a miracle and I appreciate YOU doing one for me. After all, the Bible says:
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Well, I was definitely weak. And I feel much better now. Praise God.


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In other news, we are getting about $1300 for the Jeep. I will be sad to see it go. It was a good little Jeep. Enjoy the big scrap heap in the sky, Jeepie. You will be missed.

Feeling Better

I still need to see a doctor, but I'm going to that meeting. I think.
Got up this morning and it only twinged a little bit. I actually danced in the kitchen this morning while I was listening to Kid Rock. But I still made Tiger dump the garbage (our cans are on the side of our house, where there is some soft sand) and get chicken out of the deep freezer (wasn't sure if I would be able to climb over the canoe Mr. R has stored in there) but I was finally able to load the dishwasher and start my morning joe. I cleaned the counters and I'm thinking I might be able to start a load of laundry, too.

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Oh, the Pain...

I don't know what I did to myself, but OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Ow. For the past few weeks, I felt a bit of a twinge in my left hip when I stood up. Nothing major. I brushed it off as 1)getting older 2)being fat. Although it's not in my right hip, and it's not like I'm fatter on my left side than I am my right side. Anyhoo, for the past two days, I've been in absolute agony. I mean to the point where I have to grit my teeth to haul my butt out of my chair. And when I need to pee, I sit and consider if peeing is worth the pain I'm about to go through (as in, do I feel like standing and walking 30 feet? Nah, my bladder can hold it, right?) Well, I really overdid it tonight. I took the kids to Open House at their middle school, and I walked for over an hour. Limping, of course. I looked silly but hey, I promised them. Well, we finally got into the rental car, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Drove home, which took all of 15 minutes. And when we got home, I couldn't move. As in, I couldn't put weight on my left leg to shift out of the car. So I had to cross my right leg over my left, and stand on my right leg first, and then slooooowwwwwlllllyyyy maneuver myself into a standing position. And it hurt oh so bad. To the point where tears came to my eyes. I will be going to bed tonight with a sink full of dishes, garbage can full, and cups all over the house. I simply can't walk around the house to pick anything up. Thank God, Mr. R will be home tomorrow. I am supposed to go to a department meeting tomorrow, and I don't see how I could possibly make this meeting. I won't be able to even walk through the parking lot unless I am healed by HIS GRACE tonight. I may even call out of work to take myself to the hospital. I am about to take a shower, and I am truly concerned that I may fall in the shower and not be able to haul myself out of there. I am concerned that I may have actually popped my hip right out of the socket, that's how bad it feels. I'm sitting in my office chair right now, and my left leg from the hip down is completely numb and tingling. Yeah, I think I may have broken my hip, and I'm 33. Stay tuned...

The Problem with Life is that it's So Daily...

I haven't posted much about Mr. R's job lately because nothing was really happening. He was offered a local position with his current company. He ran it one time, and now the radius of this "local run" keeps widening to include different states, therefore making it NON-LOCAL and therefore, not what we were wanting. I sort of had a feeling the local job offer was too good to be true, and did tell Mr. R so, but he thought I was being negative. (I don't consider myself negative at all, but I am a realist!) While he was in the office of a manager, his cell phone rang, and it was a company offering him a true local run...home time daily. However, the pay...well, it's not low, but it's a lot less than we're used to seeing. And it's over an hour away, so that would be a lot of mileage on our personal vehicle. And we don't even have a figure from Allstate yet regarding our Jeep.
I'm going to have to sit at my Excel spreadsheet and do some calculations (go, computer class!) and see if we can afford to take this job. He is excited about it...its trucking, plus setting up audio visual equipment, which is like a fantasy to him. He loves music equipment, as evidenced by the ginormous drum kit in my dining room.

An A-Minus is Still an A to Me

I know it's been a while since I've posted, but I didn't have much to talk about. I was trying really hard to catch up in my computer applications class. And I guess I did pretty well, because I got a 90.4 percent, which is an A minus. And I'm THRILLED. I wasn't even sure I was going to pass, and here I am pulling off the impossible. My boss Nicola had to help me a lot, especially with the Access part, but who cares! Not only did I pass, but FH is paying for the entire class! WOOOOOOT!
And, I admit its pretty cool, but I can create an entire PowerPoint presentation from scratch. Rock on! I know, any basic 7th grader can do that these days (as Missy pointedly remarked while I was banging my head on my desk during the past two months) but it was a struggle for me, and I'm proud that I got through it.
My next class is Anatomy and Physiology with lab. Phew! Finally, something I understand. I'm glad algebra is not until next year!


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