No school for now.
I thought long and hard about this one. A lot of praying, too.
Look, I am a busy lady. I have three children, and a husband who travels constantly. I have a home to care for, meals to cook, homework to oversee. Pets to feed, laundry to wash, dry and fold. Toilets to scrub, counters to disinfect. Never mind that we have music lessons, church, and other activities. Also, my full time job as precert rep at FH.
I am already tired 90% of the time. I would rather spend my free time doing fun activities with my children, reading my Bible, and getting more involved in church. Besides, I know myself well enough to know that I just *can't* leave Bucket. At the end of the day, I can't just dump his care on Missy. Or Tiger. Or even Mr. R. That is my job, as his mother, to be here for him. It is not only my job, but my privilege! My joy! I have had no peace thinking about leaving him at home alone while I work at a new job.
Not only that, but I love being home. I loooove my home. I love the way it smells, I love how it feels safe. I love the music I play, I love my furniture. I love the new floors. I love the colors we chose for the walls, I love the garden outside. I love the plants Mr. R put in the ground. I love being here all day. I feel like a safety net for my children. If they are sick, I am here. If they have a day off school, I am here. There is no mad dash for daycare. There is Mom. When my children grow older, I don't want them to say to their friends, "My mom had a great job! My mom worked tons of hours and stuck us in daycare. Then she ordered pizza for us and watched tv all night." No, I want them to say "My mom loved us so much, she stayed at home. She cooked us real meals, and put us to bed with a story every night. She took us to church. She was there when I came home from school every day. She helped with our homework. She played games with us, and took us swimming in the summer. She took care of us when we were sick. She kissed our heads and rubbed our feet and smiled a lot."
Thats what I want. A life in dedication to the Lord, to my husband, and to our children. In that order.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Thinking About School
One last thing.
I'm really thinking about *not* going back to school.
The time. The expense. I'm already frazzled enough. I work full time, take care of three beautiful but messy children, plus housework. Dog. Cats. Cooking (that is what undoes my day, I just don't enjoy meal preparation) and cleaning. Do I really have time to throw school in my mix?
I'm thinking I don't. But maybe I'm just panicking.
I'm really thinking about *not* going back to school.
The time. The expense. I'm already frazzled enough. I work full time, take care of three beautiful but messy children, plus housework. Dog. Cats. Cooking (that is what undoes my day, I just don't enjoy meal preparation) and cleaning. Do I really have time to throw school in my mix?
I'm thinking I don't. But maybe I'm just panicking.
Pity Party
Pity party over.
No, I don't have any close friends right now, that is true. However, that just means the position is open, and I am seeking qualified candidates! LOL!!! Applicants would love God, a lot of children, schizophrenic cats, the hum of the dryer, and multiple cups of coffee. She would not be upset if I had to stay home because someone threw up. Because her kid would be throwing up too, probably. She would recognize that Bucket acts up because he can't control himself, not because he is a brat. She would call me to say hello because she cares about me, not because she wants a free babysitter. Although if she needed me to babysit, I would. Because I'd care about her too. It wouldn't be mandatory for her husband to get along with mine, but it would be cool. She would come over and not blink an eyelash because I didn't get to sweep yet. In fact, she'd probably grab the broom and help me. She wouldn't try to solve my problems, she'd just listen to me talk them through. She'd cry with me when I'm upset, and laugh with me when things are good...and I'd do the same with her.
It would really rock if we wore the same size shoes.
No, I don't have any close friends right now, that is true. However, that just means the position is open, and I am seeking qualified candidates! LOL!!! Applicants would love God, a lot of children, schizophrenic cats, the hum of the dryer, and multiple cups of coffee. She would not be upset if I had to stay home because someone threw up. Because her kid would be throwing up too, probably. She would recognize that Bucket acts up because he can't control himself, not because he is a brat. She would call me to say hello because she cares about me, not because she wants a free babysitter. Although if she needed me to babysit, I would. Because I'd care about her too. It wouldn't be mandatory for her husband to get along with mine, but it would be cool. She would come over and not blink an eyelash because I didn't get to sweep yet. In fact, she'd probably grab the broom and help me. She wouldn't try to solve my problems, she'd just listen to me talk them through. She'd cry with me when I'm upset, and laugh with me when things are good...and I'd do the same with her.
It would really rock if we wore the same size shoes.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
I'm a Loser, Baby
I have proof that I am a total loser. Oh yay.
Mr. R's mom (Granny) called wanting to take the boys overnight. Of course they wanted to go, seeing as Granny gives them sugar, lets them drink soda after soda after soda, and they can stay up and watch movies and play video games. Granny rocks! And Missy had a birthday party to go to tonight. I suddenly realized that I had a night....no, not just any night, but a Saturday night...all to myself!
What do I do, what do I do.
I ended up coming home, watching House Hunters on HGTV, and cleaning the kitchen.
Yep, I'm a loser. I grabbed my cell phone and couldn't find one person to call. So what started out as an enjoyable night, has turned into a full blown pity party. Woe is meeeee, I have no friends! Frankly, I can't even figure out why I have a cell phone now. The only person who calls it is my husband.
I wasn't always a friend-free loser. In high school, my phone never stopped ringing. In college, I made friends right and left. I'm still long distance friends with two of my roomies (hi, Miriam and Chris!). Then I started having children, but I still had lots of friends, we just dragged our babies with us everywhere! And I had tons of fun! Then Bucket was diagnosed with autism, and I stopped going out. I stayed at home to avoid conflict, to avoid the stares of people glaring at my out-of-control boy. Relationships unraveled, friends drifted away. I got quieter and quieter, and lonelier and lonelier. I'm finally starting to feel comfortable going out again, but I realize I now have nowhere to really go. I've reached out to a few old friends, and while they seem somewhat receptive, you can tell when people really don't want you around. For example:
"Hi, *blankety blank. * How are you!"
"Oh, great Mrs. R. How's it going?"
"Oh, wonderful. Listen, what are you doing next weekend?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Me and *friend 1* and *friend 2* already have plans next weekend. We're going to the beach house. We would have invited you, but we figured Mr. R wouldn't be home to watch Bucket, and we know how it is with him."
"Oh. Ok, well have fun at the beach house. " click.
So once you get a few variations of phone calls like this, you stop trying. Then you only hear from said friends when they need to borrow money or need a babysitter. After all, they know you're home. Because you HAVE.NO.FRIENDS.
Honestly, I feel sorry for Mr. R. I must have called him 10 times tonight to talk to him. He gave me a few suggestions. Go to the movies. Go get your hair done. Get a pedicure. Take a bubble bath. Go the bookstore, order a super expensive cup of coffee, and buy a new book. Go the craft store. Get a tattoo. (yes, I'm not kidding!) While I'm appreciate he didn't ask me to wash the car or mop, none of those things were on my radar, except maybe the tattoo! lol...No, what I wanted to do was hang out with my nonexistent friends. So I'm halfway done cleaning the kitchen, I'm listening to "Design to Sell" and typing away.
TOTAL.LOSER.
Mr. R's mom (Granny) called wanting to take the boys overnight. Of course they wanted to go, seeing as Granny gives them sugar, lets them drink soda after soda after soda, and they can stay up and watch movies and play video games. Granny rocks! And Missy had a birthday party to go to tonight. I suddenly realized that I had a night....no, not just any night, but a Saturday night...all to myself!
What do I do, what do I do.
I ended up coming home, watching House Hunters on HGTV, and cleaning the kitchen.
Yep, I'm a loser. I grabbed my cell phone and couldn't find one person to call. So what started out as an enjoyable night, has turned into a full blown pity party. Woe is meeeee, I have no friends! Frankly, I can't even figure out why I have a cell phone now. The only person who calls it is my husband.
I wasn't always a friend-free loser. In high school, my phone never stopped ringing. In college, I made friends right and left. I'm still long distance friends with two of my roomies (hi, Miriam and Chris!). Then I started having children, but I still had lots of friends, we just dragged our babies with us everywhere! And I had tons of fun! Then Bucket was diagnosed with autism, and I stopped going out. I stayed at home to avoid conflict, to avoid the stares of people glaring at my out-of-control boy. Relationships unraveled, friends drifted away. I got quieter and quieter, and lonelier and lonelier. I'm finally starting to feel comfortable going out again, but I realize I now have nowhere to really go. I've reached out to a few old friends, and while they seem somewhat receptive, you can tell when people really don't want you around. For example:
"Hi, *blankety blank. * How are you!"
"Oh, great Mrs. R. How's it going?"
"Oh, wonderful. Listen, what are you doing next weekend?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Me and *friend 1* and *friend 2* already have plans next weekend. We're going to the beach house. We would have invited you, but we figured Mr. R wouldn't be home to watch Bucket, and we know how it is with him."
"Oh. Ok, well have fun at the beach house. " click.
So once you get a few variations of phone calls like this, you stop trying. Then you only hear from said friends when they need to borrow money or need a babysitter. After all, they know you're home. Because you HAVE.NO.FRIENDS.
Honestly, I feel sorry for Mr. R. I must have called him 10 times tonight to talk to him. He gave me a few suggestions. Go to the movies. Go get your hair done. Get a pedicure. Take a bubble bath. Go the bookstore, order a super expensive cup of coffee, and buy a new book. Go the craft store. Get a tattoo. (yes, I'm not kidding!) While I'm appreciate he didn't ask me to wash the car or mop, none of those things were on my radar, except maybe the tattoo! lol...No, what I wanted to do was hang out with my nonexistent friends. So I'm halfway done cleaning the kitchen, I'm listening to "Design to Sell" and typing away.
TOTAL.LOSER.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Scholarships.com
I found a great website called Scholarships.com and found lots of great options. I may not have to pay for college after all! Essays don't scare me...in fact, I'd consider my writing a strength. I am still not certain if I want to start classes so soon, by October 29. I don't think I'm mentally prepared for it. Maybe if they have some November classes, I could be ready for that. Or even December.
In other news, I had sort of a crappy day. I had to go down to the elementary school, thinking I was just signing off on paperwork for Bucket to get occupational therapy at school. I had suggested that he was having issues with grasping a pencil correctly, and his letters are quite large, plus he never spaces his words. Its like the world's longest run-on sentence! The OT agreed that he needed a bit of extra help. So I go down to the school, thinking this is going to take two minutes. I didn't even clock out at work, just jumped in the car and zipped on down to the school. Little did I know that there was a full on meeting in process. And I got hit with the humdinger...they wanted me to decide, right there on the spot, whether Bucket was going to obtain a special diploma, or a standard diploma. Huh? Wha? How did this happen? Can't I just sign the OT paperwork and scadoodle outta here? Oooooh no. We had to discuss goals, his behavior, if he's capable of taking the FCAT...in 10th grade!!! Holy torpedos, people, you want me to guess about a test he's going to take 6 freaking years from now?!?! How about if we go to the kindergarten hall and ask them what they'd like to major in in college? (I bet we'd have a lot of tots signing up for Sesame Street, cupcakes, and blocks majors!) Anyway, I refused to make a choice on the spot. I hadn't prepared for the bombardment, and frankly, I was ticked off. This No Child Left Behind act should be called "Screw the Disabled and Laugh at Their Mothers" act instead. There is absolutely no middle ground for kids like Bucket. Either you get a regular diploma, or you get a "special" diploma which probably isn't worth the paper its written on. We finally settled on an October 25 date for his IEP, but I really want my sister, who is a special education teacher, to come with me. So I called her tonight (I will call her "Aunt Kelly" from here on out) and October 25 is no good for her. I will call the school to reschedule so Aunt Kelly can come with me to the IEP meeting.
In cooler news, I got to meet Bucket's new teacher, Mr. L. He is from Brooklyn and has the accent to match. So far, he seems to adore Bucket. Either that or he is blowing smoke up my butt, but whatevs. The point is, *I* adore Bucket. I told Mr. L how I was going to buy large print graph paper so Bucket can do his math better, and he thought it was a great idea. I hope it works.
I can't think of anything else, except I'm glad tomorrow is Friday, and that I can catch up on sleep, housework, and sleep. Did I mention sleep twice? There's a reason!
xoxox
Mrs. R
In other news, I had sort of a crappy day. I had to go down to the elementary school, thinking I was just signing off on paperwork for Bucket to get occupational therapy at school. I had suggested that he was having issues with grasping a pencil correctly, and his letters are quite large, plus he never spaces his words. Its like the world's longest run-on sentence! The OT agreed that he needed a bit of extra help. So I go down to the school, thinking this is going to take two minutes. I didn't even clock out at work, just jumped in the car and zipped on down to the school. Little did I know that there was a full on meeting in process. And I got hit with the humdinger...they wanted me to decide, right there on the spot, whether Bucket was going to obtain a special diploma, or a standard diploma. Huh? Wha? How did this happen? Can't I just sign the OT paperwork and scadoodle outta here? Oooooh no. We had to discuss goals, his behavior, if he's capable of taking the FCAT...in 10th grade!!! Holy torpedos, people, you want me to guess about a test he's going to take 6 freaking years from now?!?! How about if we go to the kindergarten hall and ask them what they'd like to major in in college? (I bet we'd have a lot of tots signing up for Sesame Street, cupcakes, and blocks majors!) Anyway, I refused to make a choice on the spot. I hadn't prepared for the bombardment, and frankly, I was ticked off. This No Child Left Behind act should be called "Screw the Disabled and Laugh at Their Mothers" act instead. There is absolutely no middle ground for kids like Bucket. Either you get a regular diploma, or you get a "special" diploma which probably isn't worth the paper its written on. We finally settled on an October 25 date for his IEP, but I really want my sister, who is a special education teacher, to come with me. So I called her tonight (I will call her "Aunt Kelly" from here on out) and October 25 is no good for her. I will call the school to reschedule so Aunt Kelly can come with me to the IEP meeting.
In cooler news, I got to meet Bucket's new teacher, Mr. L. He is from Brooklyn and has the accent to match. So far, he seems to adore Bucket. Either that or he is blowing smoke up my butt, but whatevs. The point is, *I* adore Bucket. I told Mr. L how I was going to buy large print graph paper so Bucket can do his math better, and he thought it was a great idea. I hope it works.
I can't think of anything else, except I'm glad tomorrow is Friday, and that I can catch up on sleep, housework, and sleep. Did I mention sleep twice? There's a reason!
xoxox
Mrs. R
Monday, October 8, 2007
How Do You Study Your Bible?
As a busy wife and mother, sitting down to do anything (whether it be reading, studying, sleeping, or peeing) is difficult! That is why I want to ask out there in blog world...how do you study your Bible? Do you schedule time? Do you just pick it up whenever? One friend suggested I leave my Bible in the bathroom, but that didn't seem quiet right to me...the Word of God doesn't belong in the room where pooping takes place!
I am trying to get more organized in my life, and I want God to be the center of my day. Not just what I do when I have time. Because I will never have enough time!
Any ideas or thoughts?
I am trying to get more organized in my life, and I want God to be the center of my day. Not just what I do when I have time. Because I will never have enough time!
Any ideas or thoughts?
Welcome!
Welcome, welcome! My name is Mrs. R, and I am one opinionated gal. I can't promise to log on every day, but I'll try to say hello at least two or three times a week to sit and tell you EXACTLY what is on my mind! Now, being opinionated doesn't equal rudeness, and I don't tolerate it here, either. Say hello, tell me whats on your mind, let me know whats going on in your world. But this is the kind of blog where I will allow my children to take a peek, so if you wouldn't let your 12 yr old daughter read it...then don't post it!
Blessings,
Mrs. R
Blessings,
Mrs. R
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